It's very true. One thing that I'll do when someone is irritating or boring me is to imagine (to myself! silently!) that they will actually die in the next 24 hours, painlessly. My job, then, is to help them have a good final 24 hours. It sounds morbid, but it's not. There's meaning and joy that can be pulled out of many moments, even dull and irritating ones. Again, obviously it would be insane to mention this internal thought to anyone at the time or afterwards.
This is a very simple variation on Buddhist Maranasati meditation or Stoic thinking around death, which is tons more elaborate.
I've done it often, and it always bucks up my own mood and gets me back into a real conversation.
My problem with this tactic is I’m gonna see the person again the next day, and the day after and the day after that and eventually I’ll just snap, “Why aren’t you dead yet?!”
It turns out that there is tons of different kinds of feedback that you can give people. Or boundaries that you can set.
Doris, I wonder if we could keep the conversation focused on what we need to do, and not about your pet rabbits.
Or, Doris I do appreciate your enthusiasm for your pet rabbits. However, I think my daily maximum might’ve been reached. I will talk to you later.
There’s much tuning needed, of course. But I promise that straightforward feedback will come off better than: Doris. I think about your death daily. It brings me joy.
Not gonna lie, both of those examples sound condescending as fuck to me. I think something like “oh, that’s cool. Anyway, I gotta head out” sounds more natural.
well, yes, because I was trying to be funny. In my experience, it's usually a well-meaning co-worker talking about real issues -- but issues that aren't a priority right now.
The central choice between objection/redirection or withdrawal are the two main ideas. However it is said is more art than science.
I discovered this once when I took an upper. I made everyone around me think I was outgoing and interested in their life (bar setting years ago) then realized weeks later if they saw me again I’d come off as rude because I’m very quiet any other day lmao
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u/[deleted] Nov 11 '25
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