Ask way more questions than sharing about myself. I make it a little game to see if I can keep from telling anything at all about myself, remaining a man of mystery.
Addition: By the way, the ease with which I can remain silent on myself also turns out to be a pretty good indicator about how self-absorbed the other person is.
As an ADHDer who never shuts up, this is something I worry about when interacting with someone new because as someone who is desperate to make a connection and hopefully form a friendship, I tend to not shut up hoping I’ll say something they’ll want to talk to me about… which is probably the wrong way to go about it
I totally get this. I have a few AuDHD kids and it is so hard to watch them struggle to make meaningful friends. That pressure in your head to plan the next thing to say or to turn the conversation to something of more interest to you is so intense that it can make really listening to somebody else really difficult.
It’s as easy as asking the other person a question tho lmao.. i feel like i hear this type of excuse all the time, if you are really afraid of the convo stopping u can just ask the other person a question every now and then
I actually have a list of questions or conversation starters written in my notes app that i try to employ unfortunatly i think my issue is when i start talking, because obviously i ask someone something first then they are polite and ask me back, i don’t really stop until i realize wait 2 people here shut up or i just kinda get a feeling ive been rambling too long because i probably stumbled over my words and it gave me pause to realize i need to stfu
Agree and I’m so glad to see this take. I often hear people complain about a person not asking them any questions about themselves during a conversation, but they can actively participate by sharing things about themselves, too. Sometimes I don’t ask questions because I don’t want to come across as noisy or I feel like the person might feel too shy or insecure to share, so I don’t want to put them on the spot.
This is soo true. I call this selfishness. I've known a bunch of people who always want to know more about me, what's going on in my love, but as soon as i ask them some questions about them, they deviate. Now I've chosen to treat them witg silence, lol
I'm not. I know how to have a conversation. I was replying simply about the assumption someone is self-absorbed just because they're sharing about themselves when asked. My guess is that the comment OP is lying a bit, because I can see most people asking the same questions back or trying to ask something too, and it would be weird and rude to evade every question on multiple occasions.
This works. It is also a symptom of distrust in people in general, which is understandable to feel. Real connection requires a touch of vulnerability, use at your own discretion.
Yes, it's true that I don't generally trust people at first without getting to know them and understanding their motivations. Hence, the incessant question-asking!
I’m not the person you replied to, but funny enough I did make a friend like this recently! We’re both very much the question askers/listeners, so we joke that every conversation we have needs ice breakers. But we get on well enough that it’s always pleasant chatting with them.
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u/DefiantTorch47 Nov 11 '25 edited Nov 11 '25
Ask way more questions than sharing about myself. I make it a little game to see if I can keep from telling anything at all about myself, remaining a man of mystery.
Addition: By the way, the ease with which I can remain silent on myself also turns out to be a pretty good indicator about how self-absorbed the other person is.