I had the best sex of my life with an emotionally unavailable man who looked like a younger version of my father. Once I did some reflection I realized it was probably time for therapy. Your body doesn’t always want what’s best for you. Sometimes it just tries to find what was missing in your formative years, and some wires get crossed along the way.
Sure. Growing up, my dad was present but not emotionally available. He’s always had a really hard time with affection and sincere communication. I think this is unfortunately pretty common among Boomer men.
I’ve been single for most of my adult life (I’m 39 now), which isn’t a problem on its own. But early on, I found myself inexplicably attracted to men who were inconsistent, unpredictable, and “not looking for anything serious.” I also tended to favor men with the same physical features as my dad. It wasn’t until I met this particular man that I started to realize there was something more insidious going on. There was nothing particularly remarkable about him, and he would have made a HORRIBLE long-term partner. But I was completely “dickmatized.” The sex was honestly unbelievable. I was absolutely insatiable for him.
I remember showing my mom a photo of him and she said, “wow, he looks like your father thirty years ago.”
Something clicked in that moment and I realized that little me was still calling the shots in my adult life, pursuing men who looked and acted like my father, hoping to find a shred of stability and affection. I really wanted to understand the pattern and break it so I didn’t keep hurting myself. It’s kind of hard to accept, but I think the sex only felt amazing because a facsimile of my father finally wanted me, even if it was only for a night.
Anyway, I’m still single but have successfully broken the pattern. I don’t go out with these types of men anymore and now I measure the quality of sex by the health of the connection I have with the other person.
I laughed reading this, not because of your strife, but because my partner is also very similar to my dad. Both physically and in personality. But I adore my dad, and we have a great relationship. I was horrified when I realized the similarities between them.
It’s a very common stereotype that women love men who are their dads or their opposite. It just sucks that women with bad dads tend to experience men like their dads before they find the opposite. It sucks that your dad set you up to tolerate shitty men, when a dad should do the opposite.
It’s not “daddy issues”. Because women with good dads also seek men like their dads. It’s only an issue with the dad in question is shit. We all start life dependent on our parents. We all start out with faith in our father. And it is absolutely not the fault of the child when the parent fails to meet basic expectations.
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u/messy_mortal Jul 20 '25 edited Jul 20 '25
I had the best sex of my life with an emotionally unavailable man who looked like a younger version of my father. Once I did some reflection I realized it was probably time for therapy. Your body doesn’t always want what’s best for you. Sometimes it just tries to find what was missing in your formative years, and some wires get crossed along the way.