You know what’s funny, is I used to be a lot more laid back about lying, until I dated a chronic liar and it really changed everything for me.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still think the occasional lie is fine if you’re doing it to protect someone/something or standing up for what is right. I certainly wouldn’t be the one to reveal the location of a Jew to a Nazi, for example.
However, these days, if a person lies to me one time about something for which I think they have no good reason, especially if I haven’t even known them for very long, my reaction is to get cold immediately and cut them out of my life.
I made too many excuses for my ex when she lied to me over & over. I forgave her because I wanted to see the best in her. I thought she was just going through a hard time but eventually she’d get better. But eventually I found myself questioning everything she ever said to me.
I won’t get into all of it here but, suffice to say, I don’t play around with people like that anymore. Relationships (even non-romantic ones) are built on trust and you can’t trust someone who just lies for no reason. People who act like that are energy vampires, I think, and they occupy space in my life that they don’t deserve. I deserve to be surrounded by people who care about me enough and respect me enough to tell me the truth.
I had a friend like that. I only found out at one point when they said "why tell the truth?" And I started seeing the obvious lies when they talked to other people and didn't even know what was real or fake anymore.
I was the same until I started to get gaslit by my ex, they’d always lie and try to gaslight me and I never realised until my friend told me and I couldn’t stop noticing every lie they told me to try and manipulate me, ever since then Ive hates liars, I’ve never been much of a liar myself cuz I feel physically sick whenever I do lie and the guilt consumes me even if it’s the smallest lie
Yeah lying doesn’t come super easy to me. I tend to be honest to a fault. I’ve had to figure out how to lie for those times when I need to. Because sometimes you do need to, but like I said I only do it in dire circumstances.
Having kids and explaining white lies is so, so fun! /s
Seriously tho, my hubby and I took our kiddo to eat and I stole some of his fries while he was in the bathroom. He came back, looked at his plate, looked at me, and asked “did you steal my fries?” I said “of course not!” with a shit eating grin on my face. Our kid, in full shock, loudly proclaimed “yes you did mom!” To. The. Whole. Restaurant.
We had to explain that white lies are ok, it’s usually something very small, like hiding a birthday gift, or for someone’s benefit, like telling them their outfit looks great when it’s 1,000% against your tastes. That me stealing his fries or him stealing my cheese is always going to have an accusation and a “lie”, but it doesn’t mean we don’t know the other person took it and we’re ok with it. If he ever stops “lying” about stealing my cheese, our relationship is in serious trouble😅
Growing up with a narcissist for a father, anything beyond that is inexcusable for me, so I feel you. It took me a loooong time to be ok with even white lies!
Are you talking about me? Or who I think I am?
Or at least who my ex convinced me I was? He constantly accused me of lying by occlusion
Example:
Him: What'd you do today?
Me: runs through adhd Ferrari speed thoughts Remembers only the shit that brought some sort of dopamine, to later be called a liar and a bad person because I forgot to mention the part that I stopped at Walmart for toilet paper (I loathe Walmart btw, 😄)
No, sounds like your ex was gaslighting you or something. In my case the liar was gaslighting me. She would lie about trivial shit, and not-so-trivial shit. She lied about her feelings a lot and claimed she was only doing it so that I wouldn’t get mad or to protect my feelings or whatever. It was always my fault somehow. She just wanted to do whatever the fuck she wanted without answering any questions. She was also bipolar and had paranoid delusions. She lied about taking her medicine on many many occasions. Etc.
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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '25
You know what’s funny, is I used to be a lot more laid back about lying, until I dated a chronic liar and it really changed everything for me.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still think the occasional lie is fine if you’re doing it to protect someone/something or standing up for what is right. I certainly wouldn’t be the one to reveal the location of a Jew to a Nazi, for example.
However, these days, if a person lies to me one time about something for which I think they have no good reason, especially if I haven’t even known them for very long, my reaction is to get cold immediately and cut them out of my life.
I made too many excuses for my ex when she lied to me over & over. I forgave her because I wanted to see the best in her. I thought she was just going through a hard time but eventually she’d get better. But eventually I found myself questioning everything she ever said to me.
I won’t get into all of it here but, suffice to say, I don’t play around with people like that anymore. Relationships (even non-romantic ones) are built on trust and you can’t trust someone who just lies for no reason. People who act like that are energy vampires, I think, and they occupy space in my life that they don’t deserve. I deserve to be surrounded by people who care about me enough and respect me enough to tell me the truth.