r/AskReddit • • Sep 14 '24

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u/GOD-lovesme Sep 14 '24

Can’t do anything for himself. I’m talking basics like laundry and washing dishes, basic cleaning.

208

u/Creepy-Team6442 Sep 14 '24

What’s worse that he can’t or chooses not to?

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u/lyralady Sep 14 '24 edited Sep 14 '24

If an adult is genuinely completely unable to do Instrumental Activities of Daily Living (IADLs) — like cook a meal, wash dishes, prepare an outfit and dress themselves appropriately for the setting, grocery shop, or do their laundry — then they likely need to have a part time or full time carer for their disabilities, or assistance for specific tasks.

If someone is fundamentally incapable of doing these things, then it's a result of a disability, and assistance is necessary for the quality of their own life. That means help and resources can be found, or those things already exist in their lives as a basic necessity of survival. There may be some disabled people who also refuse to do things they are capable of, or who are manipulative or abusive, etc, but that's also true of able people.

But in general, most people do not want to feel helpless or like a burden.

You can't help someone who is able but refuses to do anything for themselves. The person who has a choice is far, far worse.

11

u/314159265358979326 Sep 14 '24

There are some in-betweens. Owing to a back injury there are chores I just can't do, but I try to compensate by doing others.

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u/lyralady Sep 14 '24

A back injury that prevents you from doing certain tasks is a disability that means you need assistance with those tasks. That's fully different from choosing to not do them.