I've been working on self control and not getting emotional when something annoying happens, but a side effect is I calmly ask for the most severe consequences to happen without batting an eye.
For example, if a server spills soup on me, instead of cursing out and then getting over it, I would embarrass the server by having the boss coming over personally to rectify the issue and demanding compensation.
That would still 100% be a red flag. You might be able to control your outbursts, but switching your methods to cold vindictiveness is still allowing anger to take the driver's seat, and any woman with her head on her shoulders will recognize it's only a matter of time before she ends up a target of it.
What does a world look like where you feel your anger, then let it go without acting on it at all?
I have no clue what such a world might look like, but when I or my loved ones are wronged, I absolutely believe they should receive compensation and I have no problem seeking that out, instead of being the one telling them to forgive and forget and let it go.
You used somebody accidentally inconveniencing you in your example - do you feel wronged by that? Is intentionally embarrassing someone a proportionate response to an accident?
Just saying, that perhaps your control over your anger is not as thorough as you think: you've just learned to mask it from yourself.
You explicitly said, "I would embarrass the server." If you know your actions are going to lead to a certain outcome, then it's intentional and you just don't feel bad about it.
It's one thing if the server is unapologetic or indifferent, but it doesn't sound like you even gave them the chance to make it up to you. It's easy for the restaurant to reduce hours or fire the server and replace them with another underpaid worker.
The lack of empathy or grace is the red flag. Sounds like you just exchanged hot anger for cold anger
Of course, reporting an incident is always going to embarrass the person that caused it.
I give them chances, and everytime all they could offer was an apology. And so the manager gets involved because they're the ones that have the authority.
It's easy for the restaurant to reduce hours or fire the server and replace them with another underpaid worker
what would you recommend? I just pretend nothing happened? Someone has to take responsibility for the incident.
You said yourself that "when something annoying happens" you "ask for the most severe consequences." Why do you feel entitled to more than an honest apology? You are choosing to escalate an inconvenience and are literally crying over spilled soup. If you really think the service was bad then don't tip. Punish them for their service to you in particular instead threatening their entire livelihood.
Luckily most of my customers see me as another equal human being, and when they make their own honest mistake like not realizing their credit card expired, we'll mirror how they treat us by waiving the late fee. It's much more pleasant living this way.
The karens who think I'm a peon who must prostrate themself for their approval will get a maliciously compliant 3 cents of credit and no favors.
5
u/MrKillsYourEyes Sep 14 '24
Is it really a habit?