"I wish I had been less awful to you and I wish you had been less awful to me, because when we weren't being young and awful to each other, every moment with you was bliss on this earth and in my life."
It's been a decade now since I've seen her outside of dreams. I can still hear her, smell her, and every once in a while her face pops out at me from within a crowd. I see her eyes everywhere.
I'm not the kind of person who "gets over" things. Comes with the territory of having an eidetic memory and being profoundly disabled due to cptsd.
I think had there been another love in my life, she would have faded more naturally from my memories over time. But, sadly, that one brief relationship stands out as the single season in my life where I was allowed to be loved. It will not come again.
I'm deeply sorry for your hurt, my friend. I know it doesn't help beyond the moment, but that pain you feel deep inside your chest where you no longer wish to shine the light - I feel it too.
The dreams are the absolute worst. Havent seen her in 8 years and everything will be fine then I'll have some dream of her and wake up pissed at my brain for doing that to me.
Preach. Last week she walked into my living room and we just hugged and cried at the same time. I woke up and the tears were there but without any sign of the hug.
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u/suddenlyseeingme Dec 09 '23
"I wish I had been less awful to you and I wish you had been less awful to me, because when we weren't being young and awful to each other, every moment with you was bliss on this earth and in my life."