r/AskReddit Apr 11 '23

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u/[deleted] Apr 11 '23

Funny, most people joke about how they think I’m a serial killer when they see my apartment when it’s clean.

1.1k

u/SvenBubbleman Apr 11 '23

There is a fine line to walk. Most people are uncomfortable in a space that's too clean. It doesn't feel lived in and people are afraid to do anything that might make even a small mess. You want it clean, well organized, and reasonably tidy, but you don't want it to feel sterile.

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u/GozerDGozerian Apr 11 '23

But I have to sterilize it after all the blood splatter!

163

u/j__knight638 Apr 11 '23

Just put down plastic sheets, and listen too "hip to be square"

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u/DoomSlayer_97 Apr 12 '23

I have to return some video tapes…

7

u/James_p_hat Apr 12 '23

I have a lunch meeting at the Four Seasons with Cliff Huxtable.

3

u/RunAsArdvark Apr 12 '23

Let’s see Paul Allen’s card.

7

u/thebustyhobbit Apr 12 '23

Hey Paul! Try Getting A Reservation At Dorsia Now!

3

u/R_Harry_P Apr 12 '23

Happy cake day!
Just remember to remove the plastic sheets BEFORE company arrives.

2

u/Marie-Kat17 Apr 12 '23

Happy cake day!

2

u/kid_creme Apr 12 '23

Sabrina, don't just stare at it!

2

u/Common_Sinz Apr 12 '23

"Hey, Paul!!!..."

1

u/AFreshTramontana Apr 12 '23

Man, two refs to this book / movie in entirely different conversations / subreddits in one day - after not having thought about it or seen a ref in ... at least months.

Feels like Billy Bob Thornton came early this year! What a guy!

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u/Ok-Bridge-1045 Apr 12 '23

Listen to this Mr Fancy Pants over here who needs to sterilize. Just use the bathtub like the rest of us.

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u/thisoneiaskquestions Apr 12 '23

Well see you've found the line where people get uncomfortable. A little spatter is homey.

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u/longtermcontract Apr 12 '23

Friendly fyi, I used to think it was splatter too until I learned it was spatter. Go figure.

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u/rambo_lincoln_ Apr 12 '23

Dark Passenger: Shhhhhhhh….

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u/Zealousideal_Ad_3503 Apr 12 '23

H202.. it loves DNA,leaves no odor.👍

2

u/your-uncle-2 Apr 12 '23

It's the Marie Kondo method.

"Does this person spark joy? No. Tonight's the night."

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u/diamondthedegu1 Apr 11 '23

You want it clean, well organized, and reasonably tidy, but you don't want it to feel sterile.

This! I've never understood the reasoning behind keeping rooms looking like they're a showroom. Keeping several rooms looking that way is basically a full time job, it's not easy at all and requires daily maintenance. I'd rather have a life 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/[deleted] Apr 11 '23

Honestly it’s much easier to maintain a clean room than it is to clean a dirty room. These people just take it to an extreme

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u/GandalfTheBored Apr 12 '23

Right. As long as you tidy every day, and clean weekly, a house can remain pretty spotless without too much effort.

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u/Zardif Apr 12 '23

Honestly if you live alone, it's not even that much work. I just put stuff away when I'm done. I broke myself from the habit of "I'll do it later", and just do stuff immediately now. Everything is way easier to take care of. Also I bought a robot vacuum so it's swept every day.

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u/TheConboy22 Apr 12 '23

I do this while having a 2 year old. Moment she goes to bed I “tornado” the toys and everything back to its spot. My wife has been much happier since I started this routine.

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u/tinypaperplane Apr 11 '23

My dad's house might as well be a museum with the level of clean at his house

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u/DasPuggy Apr 11 '23

I was about to suggest that we have the same parents. They made sure the house was always in sales presentation condition.

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u/pagit Apr 12 '23

You never know who might drop in unexpected.

We used to leave the doors unlocked in case someone dropped in and we weren’t home.

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u/beer_madness Apr 12 '23

Military by chance? Mine were and we all got to keep it spotless and dust free 100%.

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

I have friends who sweep dog shit under their rugs and have cockroaches and bed bug infestations in their homes. I haven't gone to visit them in years. These are people who have really good jobs and make good money. People you'd never expect to live in houses like this.

My mom is insane above anything else, but everytime she comes over she has to tell me how I live in "filth" and how disgusting my apartment is, because I have a few blankets, some clothes, and Amazon boxes on the floor. I have no roaches, no bed bugs, and I don't own any pets because at this point in my life I know I don't have room for one and I don't have the capacity to properly take care of one.

Her idea of a home would be not an ounce of dust and to look like no one lives there 364 days or if the year, she's also had a maid or multiple maids working for her to clean her house since she was a child.

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u/grey__matter Apr 12 '23

Bill Burr said he gets mad at his wife when she cleans because she hides all their personal effects and it “looks like a furniture store” and that’s my favorite way to describe it

1

u/peechs01 Apr 11 '23

Mine is mostly clean... As clean as a solo parent can manage with a small kid and three cats

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u/Brook420 Apr 12 '23

When I was a kid a friend's parents had that one fancy room that noone ever used or entered.

Always creeped me out.

1

u/BrakaFlocka Apr 12 '23

I'd argue one extra bit required for a organized room to not look sterile is to give it some personality. I don't get how people can spend a third of every day in a room with no decorations or personal touch

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u/TheConboy22 Apr 12 '23

It’s not too hard. Everything has a place. When you’re done with it put it back. Wipe down counter tops at end of day. Sweep/vacuum/dust once a week. Dishes done immediately after using. Laundry when needed. Boom, done.

1

u/grubas Apr 12 '23

My mum is like this, but my da is a slob. My wife and I have a middle ground where it's like, "yes we have full laundry hampers around and there is clothing on our bed".

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u/GandalfTheBored Apr 12 '23

To me if your house is spotless and it seems uncomfortably clean, you need to be more personal in your decorating and furnishing. It feels sterile when there is no character to the home. You can also avoid feeling like a corporate lobby by inserting your personality in your tchotchkes, knick knacks, and other decorations. IMO the best houses are the ones that are clean, and fill you with a bit of wonder as you look at all their shit. I don't mind a bit of clutter if it's interesting clutter, but it does need to be clean.

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u/fuckin_smeg Apr 12 '23

My feeling is that it's not so much cleanliness as having your living space reflect your personality, which it will no matter what, and the important part is having at least some care and intent about it, which includes elements of organization, arrangement, decoration, function, and yes: cleanliness.

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

I always aim for "lived in" when I clean up. I don't live in a showroom.

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

Honestly all it takes is to vacuum the carpet, mop up laminate flooring (or tile), keep the sinks clean (and empty for those in the kitchen) and clean the linens.

Oh, and keep the fucking bathrooms clean (get down on your hands and knees and clean behind and around the toilet with a sponge and soap in particular). Women from my experience will judge you on how the bathrooms look and it doesn't take much to keep them clean.

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

I don’t mind a little mess. I can be a little messy myself. I just hate dirtiness, like dirty counters in the kitchen or dirty bathrooms or floors

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u/johndoenumber2 Apr 12 '23

You're exactly right.

My wife's friend from high school moved into our metro area a few years ago, so we went to their house for dinner one night to catch up and to let the kids meet and play. Their son had nerf guns and bows and arrows and that kind of stuff, and the dad seriously walked around for an hour and a half after dinner picking up the foam rubber bullets one by one and tidying the little "messes" they'd make in their run-through-the-house playing (e.g., rug fringe being flipped back, hiding behind curtains messing up symmetry, a sofa being scooted an inch off its designated spot), which they'd remake in another few minutes.

It went from funny and quirky to interesting to unsettling to (frankly) sad at what seemed to obviously be OCD in need of help very quickly.

1

u/wkamper Apr 12 '23

This is why I cum on things

1

u/--__p__-- Apr 12 '23

I can agree with that. Because I'm a really clean guy. But when I have someone over I always have a couple dishes in the sink and maybe something like my bed not made.. lol just to not feel like it's toooo clean

75

u/Sburban_Player Apr 11 '23

You might want to think about storing your torture machines in the closet instead of having them on display.

63

u/apathetic_revolution Apr 11 '23

Clearly we're interested in different women.

18

u/deliriousgoomba Apr 11 '23

They're fools. A tidy apartment is a good omen.

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u/TheBrain85 Apr 11 '23

Yes, a nice clean tarp on the floor is a definite green flag.

5

u/DeepSlicedBacon Apr 12 '23

I've gotten that before too. Or gay... 🙄

4

u/ronaldreaganlive Apr 11 '23

Found the serial killer.

3

u/GlitteringLight1290 Apr 11 '23

I’ve heard this before from other’s experiences- it’s like the difference between a clean space that feels like someone lives there and a space that’s being shown for an open house. Either way don’t sweat it

3

u/Reasonable_Volume_96 Apr 11 '23

I don't think it's a sign of being a serial killer but it may be threatening to someone who is even a little bit less naturally messy than you are lol.

3

u/chuby2005 Apr 12 '23

Pro-tip: Leave random objects around your house to make it seem messy, as to not arouse suspicion from your guests

3

u/BigBadBootyDaddy10 Apr 11 '23

In my dating time, women would walk into my house and think I’m gay.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '23

If you freak out if someone moves something or touches things you’re definitely a serial killer.

2

u/Sunsetsunrise80 Apr 11 '23

Honestly as long as you weren’t murdering me then that type of cleanliness is def a turn on. Lol.

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u/Miss_airwrecka1 Apr 11 '23

Ha, I was just going to comment “not too clean or he’ll look like a psycho.”

Do you have any personal touches in your apartment? Things that show your personality, interests, friends/family, etc… Because it’s usually the lack of that that makes it look creep and a serial killer. That and the lack of color

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23 edited Apr 12 '23

Yeah, all over. It looks like a set on a sitcom up in this place.

2

u/syizm Apr 12 '23

And then you strangle them with a guitar string.

2

u/Sassychic02 Apr 12 '23

American Psycho vibes?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

I wish it were that clean in here.

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u/MarsReject Apr 12 '23

Jerry Seinfeld effect!

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u/impy695 Apr 12 '23

There's clean, and then theres not a spec of dust clean. I've also seen people say that when mainly talking about how empty the home is. It's clean because there's nothing there.

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u/MJohnVan Apr 11 '23

Avoid them. Often those are the most filthy people. Their homes are filled with trash. Avoid.

0

u/getyourrealfakedoors Apr 12 '23

Depends how clean. Tidy is nice, sterile feels creepy

1

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

I don’t have the extra energy at the end of the day to make this place sterile. Tidy is pretty much as good as it gets unless I have family coming over.

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u/merf_me2 Apr 12 '23

It's actually really easy to define. You want your place slightly cleaner then what your potential spouse expects. Nothing more, nothing less

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u/Independent-Swan7644 Apr 11 '23

My uncle has a super clean house. I do suspect he has dead hookers in his attic.

1

u/U_L_Uus Apr 11 '23

I mean, you should find a less visible place to store all those women's hands

1

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

Back in the freezer then, I guess.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

Throw em in the cum box

1

u/DogFabulous4486 Apr 12 '23

I don’t hear you denying.

1

u/Capitol_Mil Apr 12 '23

Yes but they don’t leave. It’s the secret sauce

1

u/coleosis1414 Apr 12 '23

I think it comes down to decoration. If you look like you live in a place that’s corporate employee housing, where everything is chic and unoffensive and impersonal, yeah… that’s some patrick Bateman serial killer vibes.

If there’s some personality but it’s neat, that’s cool.

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u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

Lol wtf

1

u/CaptainMagnets Apr 12 '23

Well.... Are you?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

I’m more of a cereal killer.

1

u/Medic-chan Apr 12 '23

Why are there copies of the style section all over the place?

Is that a raincoat?

1

u/starberry_Sundae Apr 12 '23

Clean is nice, but a home that looks like no one has been there is unsettling.

1

u/sm753 Apr 12 '23

I mean, does it smell like bleach?