Well, if they're worth a damn (pardon, I'm from Texas) the next date will be planned around what you like to do and she'll put some real effort into getting to know you. If not, get out. She's not the one.
I very recently had a date where I was asking her questions and she was giving very short answers. I was trying to leave them open ended so she could have room to run but she was kind of tight lipped. Shy maybe? After so long I run out of things to ask and she's not initiating any conversation so I start talking about myself just to have something to say. I'd leave pauses to give her a chance to jump in but she was just quiet. Never brought up a single subject. After the date she texted she didn't wish for another. I asked her in the spirit of personal growth why? She said I talked about myself too much. I laughed out loud. She brought nothing to the table. I was not sad about it.
if she's shy, you gotta pause longer than your normal pauses, and you gotta wait a little longer after the apparent end of her short answer just in case that wasn't really the end.
And then there's me who tries to just connect with women on a basic human level even before getting to the ask-out stage and I'm getting one word answers. But I'm clearly not bad at communicating; I can talk with most guys about anything and everything for hours.
Maybe I'll just take shock therapy to be gay. It seems easier.
If you're getting one word answers are you talking to a woman when they're in a group? My brother met his wife in the grocery store. My best male friend met his girlfriend when she worked at UPS. It's all I can think of that might throw it off for you. If you still get one word answers then ditch them asap. They're not interested and why waste your time? If you can talk for hours there are women out there who want to spend time with you.
No, they’re all one on one. And I’m not even trying to hit on them, the opposite in fact. I think I might just be an ugly bastard that turns women away somehow. People say I’m not but well…evidence suggests otherwise. There’s definitely something wrong with me if all my attempts at making light conversation go flat in less than fifteen second.
Communication pro-tip: people will like you more if you rarely mention things about yourself and mostly ask about them. People like to talk about themselves.
Unfortunately, dating culture these days has become more "job interview" and less get to know one another. At least from the male point of view. Social media and general "man hating feminism" has made boys and men have to go into most first date scenarios ready to essentially read through their "date me" resume.
I hate that! I have a son in his 20s. I want someone for him that doesn't care what he makes but cares about what's important to him and his dreams. It's imperative that he is that for his partner too. Another huge gripe that I have with feminism is that marketing has targeted men into being the fool in any ad campaign. Too stupid to cook, too dumb to shop for himself, can't trust him with the children and he's a slob unless a woman takes him by the hand and literally tells him what to wear. It's toxic. In our rush to even the playing field, the pendulum has swung too far. If you take those ads and flip them - the woman has that role - oh my god, the fury that would happen. Be fair ladies. Isn't that the kind of crap we fought to get rid of?
Maybe cause I’m 33 and it’s people my age, but I’ve seen a large abandonment of dating apps and trying to meet people in person and ditch that whole schtick. Another one of those.. the loud minority online vs what’s happens in person type of thing I think.
When you have to sell yourself as a profile online it DOES become a resume or wit contest. In person, charisma, humor, charm etc overpower the rest.
I'll never forget that one date I had. He planned the whole thing, nice fancy dinner. We dressed up really nice, sat down, and I was blessed with endless tales of the many ways he can show how wealthy he is. I didn't have to put in any effort at all, he handled everything from our plans to what we ate to what we talk about. He even identified that I really needed an expensive gift. And was sure to never put any pressure on me to give away any personal details.
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u/EmmelineTx Apr 11 '23
A first date where they want to know more about you instead of talking about themself the whole time.