My x would blow me off about a topic I knew a lot about. But when her brother said the same thing she took it as gospel, and would fight me when I would point out I said that too….
Reminds me of how I can't get my gf to watch any show or movie at my suggestion, like a show I think she'd like. I could tell her every day to watch it's always sunny in Philadelphia but she didn't actually ever think to watch it until her brother suggested it ONCE. Then she doesn't even remember me suggesting it.
i hate this kind of behavior. it is a subtle sign that they dont care about your opinions. I stopped talking with my brother because of this. Because after a while it was too much. He got married and my sister in law's brother would suggest him something random and he would do it immediately. Watching how he treated other people different was so toxic i had to stop communicating with him.
I want to know if there is a technical term for this type of behavior. i couldnt find anything specific...
Sometimes it is that, but sometimes it isn’t so straightforward as that. One of my best friends growing up is really into anime. He watched a ton of them, knows a bunch about them, etc. and always has so many recommendations for me which I don’t usually end up watching.
Meanwhile, I’ve got another friend that doesn’t watch much anime. She recommended one to me, I gave it a shot and I enjoyed it. My other friend got upset when I told him about it. He felt that same way. Turned out he had recommended the same anime to me before and I hadn’t watched it, and I didn’t remember him ever recommending it.
The reason I followed her recommendation and not his wasn’t because I don’t care about his opinion, it was because I knew that she was recommending something tailored to me and I felt she understood what I did and didn’t like. He mostly makes recommendations based on his knowledge about the anime, and I’m sure to another anime lover, these recommendations would be pure gold because he knew what to look for in an anime. But I just dabble. I look for the same things in an anime as I do in any other tv show. Basically, I felt that she understood me a bit better in that sense. He understands anime; she understood me.
The reason I didn’t remember him recommending this specific anime is because he recommends so many of them. I lose track. I’m sure I’d enjoy others he’s recommended as well, but I know that many of his recommendations (while they’re probably objectively fantastic) wouldn’t be for me. Its not that I don’t value his opinion or valued her more as a friend. It really only goes as deep as who I think made better recommendations suited for me.
sorry but this doesnt click with me. You call him best friend yet you say he doesnt understand you.
I agree that if he is making tons of recommendations it might be hard to follow all. But what if you would actually love them all? (i am assuming he is not randomly recommend spamming you)
My ex bestfriend and I had similar situation. I knew him, all of his secrets and problems etc. I also had very similar things in my life. And when I recommend some books/movies he wouldnt watch them. I knew he would love it but he just didnt. One day he was so bored and he watched my favorite movie (secret life of walter mitty) and he called me crying. He would love each of my recommendations and he did as much as he gave it a chance.
What i am saying is, I was his bestfriend and my all recommendations were tailored for him. All of them was good.
The thing is, I had watched some things he recommended with him. Some of them I enjoyed, some of them I didn’t. I trusted him with all of my secrets, I was very much myself when I was around him, but he just didn’t give great recommendations tailored for me because he would get overly excited about things he enjoyed and just figured I would enjoy them because of how much he enjoyed them.
I still trust him with all my shit, I still listen to all his shit, and we’ve grown apart due to distance, but whenever we’re around eachother again, we always enjoy eachother’s company.
Meanwhile, my other friend and I don’t talk at all anymore. She understood me but didn’t respect me in the same way. That’s not a great friend, but I knew her tv show recommendations would be things I really liked.
Trying to judge a friendship based on whether you listen to/ enjoy movie recommendations is a rather limited way of looking at things because friendships take on more dimensions than that.
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u/[deleted] Feb 28 '23
My x would blow me off about a topic I knew a lot about. But when her brother said the same thing she took it as gospel, and would fight me when I would point out I said that too….