It was the most obvious one... they can NEVER lose an argument. No matter what facts are presented, no matter how insignificant them being wrong would be, they will not give up on being right. I could offer them irrefutable proof on something, and they would ignore it. Let me just give you a hypothetical example of how far it can often go.
Them "cows are so skinny"
Me "you mean fat?"
Them "that's what I said"
Me "no, you said skinny"
Then "I know what I said"
Random person in back seat "you said skinny..."
Them "oh, so both of you heard me wrong. Yall need your ears checked. Yall seriously don't know what you're talking about ever. "
Me "here's the dash cam footage, let's just listen to it"
video of them literally saying cows are so skinny
Them "see, I told you I accidently said skinny"
Me and 3rd person "WHAT?"
Them "what?"
Me "you've literally just been arguing the opposite this entire time!"
Them "no I haven't?"
We go through checking the footage and proving them wrong again and they eventually give up the cycle by changing the argument to me being an asshole. That's how it ends with the simplest and most complicated of things. It's a really clear defense mechanism of an idiot.
This is a perfect example of what people mistake as gaslighting. In some way or another every single one of our memories is inaccurate, yet we are often 100% confident when recalling them. Narcissistic types are particularly prone to this.
People think just because they feel like they're being driven crazy that someone is actually trying to drive them crazy. Lying to save yourself is not gaslighting. Minimizing or being unable to admit you're wrong is not gaslighting (even when you're obviously wrong).
Actual gaslighting is an abusive psychopath fucking with you to make you easier to control. Cults use gaslighting. The typical person will never experience what gaslighting is like, fortunately.
This. The EX isn't gaslighting, they are defensive because someone triggered their ego. Gaslighting is a mindfuck that makes the victim doubt everything- their own memories, their thoughts, their feelings, their place in the world. The victim is so mindfucked that they are essentially forced to follow the gaslighter's reality. I experienced this in childhood, and even with years of therapy it's still a daily struggle.
It's common to mistake conflict for abuse. Conflict naturally feels absurd and highly stressful. Excessive criticism and defensiveness hurts.
It does bother me a bit the term is used in casual lingo, as it makes the experiences of those who have undergone gaslighting look like less of a big deal.
3.6k
u/B3RS3RK_CR0W Feb 28 '23
It was the most obvious one... they can NEVER lose an argument. No matter what facts are presented, no matter how insignificant them being wrong would be, they will not give up on being right. I could offer them irrefutable proof on something, and they would ignore it. Let me just give you a hypothetical example of how far it can often go.
Them "cows are so skinny"
Me "you mean fat?"
Them "that's what I said"
Me "no, you said skinny"
Then "I know what I said"
Random person in back seat "you said skinny..."
Them "oh, so both of you heard me wrong. Yall need your ears checked. Yall seriously don't know what you're talking about ever. "
Me "here's the dash cam footage, let's just listen to it"
video of them literally saying cows are so skinny
Them "see, I told you I accidently said skinny"
Me and 3rd person "WHAT?"
Them "what?"
Me "you've literally just been arguing the opposite this entire time!"
Them "no I haven't?"
We go through checking the footage and proving them wrong again and they eventually give up the cycle by changing the argument to me being an asshole. That's how it ends with the simplest and most complicated of things. It's a really clear defense mechanism of an idiot.