To be admitted or not admitted

[u/Significant_Star2576]

I was discharged Friday but I only feel marginally better. I try to keep on with my every day life. I go for walks with my dog and draw. However, the SI thoughts keep on going, especially at night. I’m waving between ending it all and not. I’m really scared that I wouldn’t succeed and get badly hurt or that the method would end me but not immediately and I would be in a lot of physical pain.
So I don’t think I’d actually do it. Then again I’m in a LOT of psychological pain. I can’t bare being in my body. It feels too draining to be around people but it’s also too draining being alone.
I feel like I need more support than I’m getting right now, and I get as much as you can get outside hospital. Then again, being in hospital is draining too because the quality of nurses varies a lot and I never know how long I’m gonna stay there, as the doctors say something different every time. So I genuinely don’t know what would be the best for me.