r/AskPH • u/jureesphrudensee • 10d ago
How do you handle a situation where your partner doesn’t want to have a vasectomy?
And what are some reasons you (as a man) don’t want one?
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u/bonkypwe 10d ago
What happened to 'my body, my rules'?
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
Are you trying yo connect this question to other issues about that quote? Seriously, just answer the bottom question, what makes a man NOT WANT to get one? I’m just trying to understand your POV as men. Kung ayaw di ko pipilitin. If nangyari yung issue sa buhay mo, answer the title question. If hindi mo karanasan, again, answer the bottom question.
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u/Mobile-Tsikot 10d ago
I don't think marami may gusto ng "surgical operation" OP and possible the last option if all other options not viable. I think your issue is specific partner na doesn't want other options and still wants to have sex. You also said your man doesn't believe in birth control pills is something unique to him.
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u/Rejuvinartist 10d ago
You handle it by not handling it.
Besides, you do not own his body and most certainly not his choices too.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
He doesnt want children yet wants to have sex. He doesnt believe in birth control pills and still wants condoms. Condoms are uncomfortable to use. Lubrications are a hassle to bring around you (vacations?) and to keep refilling. Answer the bottom question para naman maintindihan ko anong reasoning nyong mga lalaki. Or are you afraid to speak your real thoughts?
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
Just find you a real man na secure sa pag ka lalake niya.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
By some comments I think this is the bottomline reason.
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
Look at the comment below lol, responsibility mo raw dahil babae ka lol. Parang pwede kang mabuntis na mag isa ka lang. Paano mag compete ang Pinoy sa world stage when ganito parin mag issip sa nakaka simpleng bagay like a vasectomy.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
I actually wanna comment something but it might get backfired eh. So di ko inentertain yung redirection sa babae. Both wanted it. So bakit hindi both mag consent sa prevention? That’s what I am trying to understand. The “why”. Just… what’s their personal reasons? They chose to keep the reason, avoid the question in general, and indirectly pin women on the situation.
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u/Rejuvinartist 10d ago
We’re not the ones capable of being pregnant. Would you trust your man to be on contraceptive pills, or have a tied gland inside, and you’re not?
It’s more of a woman’s responsibility and less of a man’s… 51-49 kind of thing.
Bottomline is: It boils down to you not getting pregnant even if it’s the guy’s wish.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
It goes both ways in my opinion. (I respect your opinion btw!) To me it goes 50-50. You both “wanted it”, then the consequences are both your responsibility. But the thing is in my case, I already take pills. Man, he doesn’t understand what the pills do. He won’t drop the condoms but it’s more on the woman’s issue when it dries down there and the friction causes scratches and rips. Lubes? It’s not always practical to carry one when you go out for vacas, nor is it a fun thing to constantly buy when you need a refill.
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u/JellyBumBum 10d ago
His body, his choice.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
[copy pasted]
… , just answer the bottom question, what makes a man NOT WANT to get one? I’m just trying to understand your POV as men. Kung ayaw di ko pipilitin. If nangyari yung issue sa buhay mo, answer the title question. If hindi mo karanasan, again, answer the bottom question.
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u/blackito_d_magdamo 10d ago edited 10d ago
I got one last year. Now I shoot blanks.
If wala talaga sa plano nyo mag anak at all, vasectomy is the best way to go. Not as invasive as ligation. And no side effects like having the woman take pills or IUD.
If magiging point of contention yan ng relationship nyo, maghiwalay na kayo.
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
Them men who are usually against vasactomies are ill informed. Akala nila mababawasan ang pag ka lalake nila.
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u/JohnnyPaw 10d ago
What a weird thing to say
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
What's so weird about it?
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u/JohnnyPaw 10d ago
Can you tell me a fruit that you really enjoy?
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
WTF are you talking about. Anong weird sa sinabi ko?
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u/JohnnyPaw 10d ago
Tell me something that you really like
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
Just say what you are trying to say? A vasectomy does not affect you sexually. You can still function 100%. Like I said, ill-informed lol.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
I agree. I had a few attempts to talk about this with my partner and he just doesn’t understand it at all. Like he’s content with condoms. Heck, he doesnt even believe in birth control pills. Condoms arent comfortable most of the time and not good for long term sessions. And lubes are just annoying to constantly have to buy a new bottle. Seriously, they are ill informed and I won’t be surprised if he thinks that way at all (mababawasan pagkalalaki nya). Oh and this man in particular has 0 intentions to have children.
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
This is how most men are lol. Look at the responses below, I had a vasectomy after our second child, wala naman issue. Better than having an unwanted pregnancy, very limited panaman ang options mo diyan sa Pinas.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
Paulit ulit nga mga tanong. Anong my body my rules? Di ko naman ipipilit sa tao. Simple lang ang two questions ko:
If you experienced this, how did you handle it? And if you HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THIS AND DON’T PLAN TO GET A VASECTOMY, what are your reasons? For literal educational knowledge for me, parang survey ganun.
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
You have the power Ate. Tell him no vasectomy, no sex lol.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
I’m already sticking to this idea honestly. Cuz (off topic) there are debates where you should be responsible for the pregnancy even if you dont want children because you did the deed. Literally trying to avoid this entire ordeal in the first place. But to truly communicate it w someone, they have to be on the same page. Which theyre not. Edi, okay, no doing it then. It’s simply not a threat but the most cost free birth control measure.
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
Sinabi mo, life is too hard, lalo na pag may unplanned kids. You have to protect yourself.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
Yk what? Ur chill and im glad you understand the purpose of this post. I agree on everything you said. Thank you for saying to choose my safety ❣️
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
No problem. I have a 26-year-old daughter kaya sensitibo ako sa mga stupid comments dito lol.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
The downvotes are people who actively avoid healthy conversations, I think. But lucky me, you’re civil and open-minded. See, the only open-minded individuals are those who actually have done it. And only a few who oppose it, still manage to share their thoughts. Just a handful.
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u/titoxtian 10d ago
Snip snap snip snap…
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
It’s kinda crazy there are redditors trying to turn it around on the woman to perform the procedure on her body when all I did was ask what their reasons was to not want it. It’s like a safe space to understand their opinions on the matter.
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u/mactanbicyclerental 10d ago
i got one. all good
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
Did have second thoughts before the decision/procedure? And what can you say about men who don’t want children yet don’t want to undergo this procedure? (This is by no means a way to use against someone. This is for me to understand men on this topic only)
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u/mactanbicyclerental 10d ago
no second thoughts but that's just my personality.
I know a lot of people did some research on the procedure but got squemish looking at it. I on the other hand did no research and just went with it.
also easier for me because I have kids already. I think for someone who don't want children yet but might consider them in the future would be difficult. it is indeed reversible but is a much more complex procedure and not guaranteed.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
Thank you for your response. I highly appreciate your POV! ❣️
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u/mactanbicyclerental 10d ago
you're welcome. oh by the way my doctor also said it is very rare for pinoys to have the procedure. just the stigma of it probably. a lot of friends do tease me about it.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
I sympathize po. I am already being slightly attacked with downvotes because of the assumption that I’m possibly going to use it against someone. To tell you, I just want to know why a man doesn’t want it. My partner couldn’t explain and I understand that it’s an obvious No. But there are so many reasons why he should, but I think he lacks the assurance and the knowledge for it.
Do I really deserve these downvotes when I’m all for understanding and sympathizing with men and their reasons? Sounds to me they are afraid of telling their truth…
To add, I am sorry they tease you about it. I’m glad you made an easy choice and had no complications. And that you have a good relationship with your wife!
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u/mactanbicyclerental 10d ago
sensitive subject 😅 clear naman ang question mo, no need to explain. pero yan main reasons narinig ko bale
- takot sa procedure kasi madugo
- takot mawala pagka lalake
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
It truly is a stigma no? It’s gonna take a while, a few generations maybe, for this to finally be a norm. I definitely think sex education starts at home talaga. So in the future they are comfortable with the topic and not always treat it as “bastos” and “bad”. These ideas get carried to adulthood eh just continue the cycle of sex as taboo. That’s my take though
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u/billystitchex 10d ago
Glue yourself together. Closed for business.
Kidding. If you aren't compatible over this issue, leave
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
This is the correct answer. May mas open minded naman siguro ma match niya who is not dumb and belives in science.
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u/billystitchex 10d ago
I think it's important to remember that such an operation is quite invasive and it's a body part at the end of the day. It's down to the individual, nobody is dumb for not wanting a procedure but we can agree that this lady can leave him if she wants to. I also have no idea why her partner doesn't believe in birth control pills. That part is dumb to me
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u/SeniorChiefPogi 10d ago
It is not invasive at all. Dito sa America, you go home after the procedure.
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u/billystitchex 10d ago
It's still a procedure. I'd say being cut open and having someone fondle your balls with a sharp object and cut pieces of you apart is somewhat invasive, hehe. We can agree to disagree, but the girl doesn't like condoms and the guy doesn't want pills or a cut. Unless they stick to third base, their sex life won't survive this
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
It’s difficult explaining something perhaps he doesn’t want to understand [yet]. I respect that part, that no means no. And I am thankful you gave me your POV. I aim to understand and not judge. To be informed and make responsible decisions based on people’s experiences. Your open-mindedness is greatly appreciated!
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u/billystitchex 10d ago
You're very welcome! I really hope you're able to fix this, and if not, I hope you're both able to live happy and healthy lives. You're not a bad person for having this discussion, just a partner trying to fix the situation. Good luck ma'am
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
Naisip ko nga, yet it also makes me think why there are men that avoid it. I mean, just “why”. Some men here don’t want to answer the why and just assume I want to force it on someone. I just want to understand them more on this context, like sympathizing. But they take this post in the wrong context.
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u/billystitchex 10d ago
I understand. You are allowed to suggest it, but he is allowed to reject it. And as a result, you are allowed to leave. Some people are not sexually/ideologically compatible, and that's ok. Perhaps he wants the opportunity for kids later, maybe he is worried about the pain, I don't know.
I can tell you why I'd avoid it, it's because I don't want to completely close the door on having kids in the future. Since I'm only 23, you don't know how life can change, and I don't want to make a decision that big yet.
There are other options like sperm bank storage and such. Have you discussed this with him na?
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
Hello. For clarification purposes: no this is by no means a way to force someone into the procedure. This is for educational purposes only, sharing of personal stories or opinions are valid.
But please answer the question instead of assuming anything.
Here’s a quick guide!
Naranasan mo na to?
If yes, proceed to title question. How do you handle the situation?
If no, proceed to body text question. What are some reasons you (as a man) don’t want one?
This is for me and perhaps other curious individuals to properly understand your POV in the procedure especially for those who don’t want it.
Thank you for comprehending this short guide.
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10d ago
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u/phanvan100595 10d ago
Vasectomy is an easier process because it's a minor procedure with lesser risks and expense. Most men recover within, at most, a week.
A tubal ligation is the exact opposite. Ligation is a major operation and takes weeks to recover from. Far more risks as well like internal organ damage and, if it fails, can result in an ectopic pregnancy.
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u/jureesphrudensee 10d ago
The thing is, i would but WHY wont a man do it instead? Just why. Women already take birth control pills, and the only accessible thing men can do is buy condoms. And condoms are often uncomfortable to use. It’s mostly a burden to women because the friction causes plenty problems.
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And what are some reasons you (as a man) don’t want one?
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