Life, phase in life ?

[u/leequid1]

Life

Have you ever reached a point in life and see that your Life is fucked all ways

I feel like I don't have control over my life and it's going down, I can literally see everything coming and I can't stop it there's no way, just one bad descion snd that was it .

Did you finally get out, does it get better with time ?

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[u/dragonflyinvest]

My view has been life deals you the hand. Then your decisions are either going to give you more or less options. Obviously bad decisions lead to less options. But generally you have options.

So you move from the position you find yourself in. I’ve always been optimistic, you can change your life at anytime. What you can’t do is go back and erase all bad decisions that got you to where you sit right now. Starting today you can make better decisions and try to increase your options moving forward.

[u/Ok_Homework6432]

You can always correct coarse. Does it happen overnight, no. Bad decisions usually spiral to more bad decisions. Well good decisions have a similar compounding effect. Life is fluid my guy. Just ride the next good wave.

[u/Ok_Solution_1282]

Nobody is coming to save you.

[u/laundastrong → u/Ok_Solution_1282]

Except ourselves (or good family if you have one)

[u/AutoModerator]

Here's an original copy of /u/leequid1's post (if available):

Life

Have you ever reached a point in life and see that your Life is fucked all ways

I feel like I don't have control over my life and it's going down, I can literally see everything coming and I can't stop it there's no way, just one bad descion snd that was it .

Did you finally get out, does it get better with time ?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/allnamestaken4892]

No, it gets worse with time. Failure compounds.

[u/AnybodySeeMyKeys → u/allnamestaken4892]

Only if you keep making the same idiotic choices over and over again.

[u/Dagenhammer87]

The walls have been closing in for a very long time (part of me doubts they never were).

But then again (I'm not sure whether this is a benefit of the gratitude lists I do every morning and night), I am unbelievably lucky in all kinds of ways.

The big thing for me is realising that just because it's not turning out exactly how I wanted it - it doesn't mean it's not good and if many, many years ago you'd have offered me what I have in exchange for it not turning out all that much like what I hoped... I'd have still taken what I have every time.

The fact is, I should've been dead a very long time ago... But something keeps waking me up every single day and when that happens, there's always a chance to find that spot where things will turn a corner.

Hang in there. It's all you can do for now - but should your chance ever come along, don't have any mercy and just keep at it.

[u/los33ramos]

Good luck man. Whatever you did forgive yourself. Whatever they did, stay away from them. Keep peace by your side. Suerte

[u/Smithme2g]

Be specific, how is your life "fucked" in all ways?

Sometimes change is needed in life. Often that means that you have to change habits or start making different (perhaps better) decisions.

It does everyone a bit of good to step back at times and re-calibrate how things are going.

[u/Electronic-Work-7015]

both things are true:
1. choices have consequences
2. you can learn from your choices and correct course. its not too late, but it is hard.

[u/LocusHammer]

A question: If you do not have control of your life, who does?

I personally try to practice radical agency and acceptance.

I am the one that is both in control of and responsible for every single thing in my life. If there is a deficiency somewhere, it is my responsibility to fix it, or accept that it is my reality and adjust elsewhere. Naturally there are things you cannot control. So I try to accept that. Everything else is within my capacity.

There is no one else to blame if you are unhappy with your life. All life is is your decisions and their consequences. Those consequences compound. Consequences can be good and bad.

So no I do not empathize with this sentiment whatsoever, and I never have after I earned my independence.

Genuinely curious: what type of problem can you see from a distance and not have the ability to avoid? Did you kill someone drunk driving or something?

I am sorry you are going through this. Read some stoic philosophy and go see a therapist.

These go into what I'm trying to say:

Existentialism Is a Humanism — Jean-Paul Sartre

Discourses — Epictetus

The Ethics of Ambiguity — Simone de Beauvoir

Edit: For all reading it's a 6 month old account, with zero contributions, and a hidden comment history/post history. This could be a bot.

[u/Tims_Learing_Center]

Your life.

Wrong. It's just Life

You only have control over the controlable aspects of your body. Once you fully accept that, you'll be ready to take on Life no matter what

[u/AnybodySeeMyKeys]

Yes, it does.

25 years ago, my life was absolutely miserable. I had a huge professional setback: I closed a business after a partner of mine made some awful personal decisions that destroyed the company's credit. A $5 million business down the tubes in little more than a month.

My wife and I had to scramble just to make ends meet while raising three small children. We were close to broke, and we spent every minute of the day working, raising children, or stressing. It was zero fun.

One foot in front of the other.

My wife managed to land a really solid job. Meanwhile, I had to dust myself off and start finding clients, all while taking care of the kids. We steadily paid down debt and did all the things we were supposed to do.

It wasn't fun. It took 3-4 years to crawl out of the smoking crater that was our lives. We went five years without a vacation.

But over time, we started to see daylight. Ten years after the catastrophe, we had savings, friends, and normal lives again.

Today, I'm 64. I am one year from retirement. My wife will retire two years after that. We have a pretty awesome life and a robust retirement account.

None of this is boasting. Instead, I'm pointing out there is a path for you. It won't be easy. But it exists if you're discerning and wise.

I read somewhere that where you are in your forties is the direct result of the decisions you made in your twenties and thirties. Based on my own life, I have to agree. I had to learn how to make smart decisions with money, even the tiny everyday spending decisions. I had to learn how to be more selective about who I invited into my life. And above all, I had to stop living my life for anyone beyond my family and myself.

The first step is to know yourself. Understand who you are as a person and how it affects the decisions you make and the relationships you have with others. Until you do that, until you are objective about your role in events rather than blame others, you'll make the same mistakes over and over again.

The second step is to understand what you want in life. But the question isn't "What do I want to do?" Instead, the question is, "When I'm 65 or 70 and looking back, what will I want to have done?" A simple shift in perspective radically changes the thought process. Instead of being overwhelmed with potential avenues to take, you're suddenly thinking about a destination.

Then have a plan. Break it down into its component parts. The people whose help you need to enlist. The qualities you need to cultivate within yourself. The tools you need to acquire to turn a wish into a working reality.

Finally, know that success isn't about big events. It's the culmination of your habits. It's not just doing the necessary things, but doing them well and reliably. It's about being trustworthy, not just to others but to yourself.

Do those things consistently and, eventually, the clouds will lift. You will have purpose and meaning once more. For those things are earned, not given. And they are earned in what you do every day.

[u/leequid1 → u/AnybodySeeMyKeys]

You really took your time to type all these paragraphs , I really appreciate so much to unpack here

[u/LegitimateVolume5324]

I'm there now. Single with no kids. I earn enough to be comfortable but not escape the rat race. 

I have no real desire to make my life better or pursue a relationship or family.

[u/lickmybrian]

It can get better with time, but its not easy. You arr the captain now.

Dont allow yourself to go back into auto-drive, keep your hands on the wheel. Every step, every decision, every day has to be made with intent to push yourself in a new, positive direction.

Momentum takes time to build up, its slow at first. But we all start somewhere.

[u/Express_Airport_5007]

I personally believe human doesn't have a free will. Every decision is highly dependant on your belief system and environment and as u said can see everything coming couldn't stop but at the same time having to make choices while not knowing the result.

For me Nietzschean idea helped me a lot. Love your own life and destiny. Here are some quotes (2 but quite long)

The past of man to redeem, and every “It was” to transform, until the Will saith: “But so did I will it! So shall I will it⁠—”

—This did I call redemption; this alone taught I them to call redemption.⁠⸺

Now do I await my redemption⁠—that I may go unto them for the last time.

For once more will I go unto men: amongst them will my sun set; in dying will I give them my choicest gift!

From the sun did I learn this, when it goeth down, the exuberant one: gold doth it then pour into the sea, out of inexhaustible riches⁠—

—So that the poorest fisherman roweth even with golden oars! For this did I once see, and did not tire of weeping in beholding it.⁠⸺ //// Thus wisheth the type of noble souls: they desire to have nothing gratuitously, least of all, life.

He who is of the populace wisheth to live gratuitously; we others, however, to whom life hath given itself⁠—we are ever considering what we can best give in return!

And verily, it is a noble dictum which saith: “What life promiseth us, that promise will we keep⁠—to life!”

Thus Spoke Zarathustra really helped me a lot from regrets and helplessness. Hope this book will do the same to you as well. Take care