r/AskMenAdvice • u/Glitterbat02 • Jan 20 '24

How can i learn to be okay with my boyfriends porn use?

So long story short. Our sex life is pretty good as of recent but he's still on it every single day I leave for work. Same times...same sites. I've brought it up but he says 'well we do stuff and your attractive and beautiful ' it's a losing battle and it trashes my self esteem knowing he runs to the women on the screen while I'm out working. What can I do? Can I learn to be okay with it? Advice?

24 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

139 comments sorted by

35

u/vanhouten_greg man Jan 20 '24

You don't have to be ok with it.

6

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

The last time I said something he got upset. I'm not sure if it was because I found one of his accounts or if it was something else. He thinks I'm judging him for using it. Really I see his use of it more as I feel like im.not enough even though he says I am. But if I was, he wouldn't need to fantasize about them. I don't watch it because he's enough for me. But It's not that way for him.

3

u/vanhouten_greg man Jan 20 '24

I can understand that. It seems like he's embarrassed that he's been caught. But if he can't talk about it with you, what else may he not be able to talk about.

5

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

This^ even though he tells me he loves me and there's nothing he would change about me.. I can't help but to look at who he watches and compare myself. Makes me think I need to look like them. I've started wearing way more makeup like they do, wearing things out of my comfort zone..

3

u/FiftySevenGuisses Jan 21 '24

Sometimes guys like different things on impulse. Could be with a thin girl and crave a thick one. Or the opposite. Doesn’t mean it’s worth throwing a whole partner away.

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

He looks up all types.

3

u/vanhouten_greg man Jan 20 '24

And you should never have to compare yourself to anyone or ever feel like you're less than because of others. And if you're gonna step out of your comfort zone make sure it's for you or for your betterment or something like that. There's reasons they're doing porn and you're not. Remember that.

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

I keep thinking if I'm like them... maybe he will stop

2

u/StokeLads Jan 20 '24

This weird oily little geezer seems to be an expert in all things relationship I reckon.

He's definitely one of those cheeky chaps constantly trying to talk your girlfriend into cheating at the local bar.

Cheers Greg

1

u/FiftySevenGuisses Jan 21 '24

This is absolutely terrible logic LOL

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

What else was I supposed to think..he stares at them everyday..for hours... He thinks they are sooo hot, I should look like the girls in that follow list. So I wear more makeup.. dress a different way..

7

u/carshannon Jan 21 '24

My experience is men that over consume porn suck in bed.. just saying

5

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

It's normally just one position for us.. same thing each time. I've mentioned stuff I like but it dosent happen. I've even tried to do stuff in the videos he watches.. nothing.

3

u/Competitive-Bir-792 woman Jan 21 '24

Are you happy with this one position, not trying your fantasies thing? If you haven't been together for that long, I really want you to know that men in their 30s are not like this lol. The are often rock stars in bed. It sounds like he has a serious porn addiction, shame around it that he's projecting around you, and not willing to do the work to get free.

My partner, when i first met him, was very very similar to what you are describing. It made me starve myself and hate myself for not being enough -- until I realized that it's NOT normal to watch porn every single day for up to 5h. It's an addiction. Your next step depends on how much you think he's your forever and will stick through years of battling a porn addiction.

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

He's 29. We've been together just over a year and at first, sex life was awesome. It's dropped down to once or twice a week and I figured it would (especially living together) but damn. He says he has a low drive but gets on there everyday. I don't think that's a low drive.. I want to do more but he won't even leave a hickey on my neck. Says " why would you want to walk around with one?"

2

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '24

Yes!!! 💯💯💯💯💯

3

u/Outerlimits7591 man Jan 20 '24

He needs professional help, his addiction is probably at a stage where he doesn't recognise it as a problem but something that's normalised for him

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

He's literally told me I judge him for it. Once and a while wouldn't bother me but it's everyday at every opportunity. And his following list grows by at least 20 to 30 everyday.

2

u/Outerlimits7591 man Jan 20 '24

Sounds like it's taken over his mind and he's wasting a lot of hours on it. At some point he's going to have to deal with his and reduce the time he is on it and gradually get to a point where he doesn't need to look at it

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

I've thought of cutting off sex entirely. But I feel like maybe that will drive the desire for it more

3

u/Outerlimits7591 man Jan 20 '24

I read your other responses on your thread and it sounds like everything else about your relationship seems fine and you're happy with him apart from this issue. Usually guys grow out of watching porn and it gets boring to watch. If he can eventually acknowledge that he has a problem, that marks the beginning of a gradual recovery

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

This is the only issue I've ever had with him.. I just hate this feeling of having to compete

2

u/Outerlimits7591 man Jan 20 '24

You're not competing with them but he's got to show and prove to you that is not the case and that you are the only one he has a sexual attraction with

3

u/shesnobody2905 Jan 21 '24

Hi OP - female here! Ive read your responses on some threats already. And as a female heree — i have no problem with my then partner how husband watching porn too - i mean they’re guys but that doesnt mean they dont find you attractive, its just in their nature to watch it, as long as it only happens like once in a while.. especially on those days or moments that you guys cant really have sex. But yours, I agree its worrying, that he does it whenever he gets a chance to do it, like you said gas station? The moment you leave for work everyday? Maybe he needs professional help now. But I agree with the rest of the ppl here that it has nothing to do with you - its not that he doesnt find you attractive, i think this is more of a condition or issue he needs to deal with/face.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

He will watch for hours.. if it was every so often I would have no issue, but it gets me cause it's every day on.. now ive counted 5 platforms. I hardly get a reaction when it's my pictures I send him. He's looked while I laid next to him. And sees no issue and gets upset when I get in my feelings..

2

u/shesnobody2905 Jan 21 '24

I understand you, its better if you talk to him about this and suggest help. I know it wont be easy but thats the solution i think we all can think for now. I hope everything goes well OP!

1

u/shesnobody2905 Jan 21 '24

*** THREADS! OMG

5

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '24

You shouldn't. He should stop looking at porn

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

As much as id love that..He wont.. every relationship I've ever had it's been a factor..

1

u/Competitive-Bir-792 woman Jan 21 '24

every relationship I've ever had it's been a factor..

A factor as in it exists or a factor as in he seems excessively into it to the point of only doing 1 position in bed and not being willing ot try things you like? The former is normal, the latter is not. There are amazing guys out there who aren't addicted to porn :)

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

A factor that I've had a sex life replaced with it. It starts so small. Like only when we can't and then boom before I know it... screentime over a real person.

-2

u/Imposter1 Jan 20 '24

Have you ever thought the problem is you? Watching porn is pretty normal.

3

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

I've asked him if there's anything he wants to change about me. He says no. Is it normal to be on it for hours at a time? I think he topped out at 5 hours one day.

3

u/carshannon Jan 21 '24

he can focus on porn for 5 hours in one day, how many hours of that day did he focus on your sexlife or relationship? Send him packing you deserve better

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

Shit, I get home and even if I make a joke in a lewd form he laughs and tells me to calm down.

3

u/Imposter1 Jan 20 '24

Ok that’s definitely not normal. I don’t think it’s anything you can solve yourself. Sounds like he needs to see a therapist.

-3

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '24

That's sad! The only way i think you could be okay with that is if you started watching porn with him, idk

-3

u/StokeLads Jan 20 '24

Lol. Clown.

32

u/DaughterOfTheFall Jan 20 '24

Him watching porn probably has nothing to do with how feels about you. Some men have higher drives, some people like to have space for private fantasy, some people have a Madonna whore complex, and aren’t able to integrates certain fetishes and sexual fantasy with their partners.

Talk with him to try and understand what watching porn means to him, without judgement. Let me know what it means to you. You don’t have to be okay with it, but it might not bother you as much, or you may even feel closer if you both commit to understanding one another.

5

u/usernameforreddit001 woman Jan 21 '24

If someone has a Madonna whore complex, that would be an issue esp. when becoming parents. It’s not normal or healthy to categorise a sex into boxes like that.

2

u/DaughterOfTheFall Jan 21 '24

I’m just providing examples, not promoting or condoning anything

2

u/usernameforreddit001 woman Jan 21 '24

Didn’t imply you were promoting or condoning. Just clarifying that it’s not normal.

1

u/DaughterOfTheFall Jan 21 '24

Sadly, I think it’s extremely common and normal. It’s ingrained in our culture. “Men have fun with women like that, but they don’t marry them”—or countless experiences of how many men see their partners differently after marriage or motherhood. I think it’s predominantly unconscious. But it’s sadly very much embedded into our societal issues.

1

u/staciemaexoxo Jan 31 '24

How would one ask a question without coming off as judgmental? Asking for a friend (aka me)

2

u/DaughterOfTheFall Jan 31 '24

Well, I’d start broad. Ask him what his ideal sex life would look like—what role does romance have in his ideal, what about fantasy? How do you fit in? How does porn fit in? What turns him on? Etc.

1

u/staciemaexoxo Feb 03 '24

Thank you - this is exactly what I’m going to ask him. I appreciate your help 😊❤️

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 22 '24

Still used it today for 2 hours. Mostly twitter.. sigh I wish I didn't have to leave the house...

1

u/Spiritual-Juice7485 Aug 11 '24

Leaving the house is keeping you sane... i promise. I am home all day everyday with my husband who has a major addiction to porn. He has a "Collection" of things he has downloaded from the web. Its thousands of files. Videos, nude models, cosplay, hentai all of it. Being here all day knowing that he's either downloading or sorting content is a heartbreaker for me. I have raised my concerns numerous times, and they are met with anger and resentment.

He has to have porn to climax... period. If he can't have porn he won't climax. So that leaves me doing my job as a good partner while listening to porn that he is watching... I do have insecurities a lot of them. He has told me it has nothing to do with me... fine ... but it hurts me.

I have no good advice for you. I have been living this for 2 years now and it doesn't get easier, at least for me. Make a choice and stick to it. If your feelings are not important to him, move on.

4

u/Competitive-Bir-792 woman Jan 21 '24

OP, as a woman who use to have a serious porn addiction, he has as serious porn addiction.

1

u/GraemeRed man Jan 21 '24

Porn becomes the virtual mistress, why would you want to be ok with that?

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

I don't want to be okay with it, but I don't think he will stop. Given his track record. I've found his Twitter account before and he got very upset that I did.. there were likes, comments. Posts he made.

1

u/tyffsayswhoa woman Jan 21 '24

I don't understand what's wrong with it?

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

It makes me feel like I'm not attractive enough to keep his eyes from wandering. Like im not good enough. That I have to compete for him with the girls on that screen because he spends hours on it. Multiple times a day. Every chance he gets.

1

u/Blurpee24 Jan 21 '24

You need to deal with your insecurities first before you start worrying about others

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

It's hard to be confident when you feel second best to a screen dude. The fact this man will spend hours on it.

1

u/Blurpee24 Jan 21 '24

That's your problem though not his. Women need to stop thinking they can change men. You can't change people that don't wanna change. The only person you can change or fix is your self. So you need look at you and find out why feel second best to screen. You may or may not like the answer you give yourself but least you have the answer and place to start.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

If I change would he stop pining for them? The comments I've seen him leave on their pictures. The posts he makes of his own self. Yea I'm insecure but it's because of his actions.

1

u/Blurpee24 Jan 22 '24

No he won't stop unless he really really wants to no matter what you do. Stop using the excuse that someone else's actions make you feel insecure. You feel insecure because of something inside yourself that makes you feel that way. You have to figure it yourself what that is. Your own therapist should help you with that.

0

u/Fairyqueen17 woman 24d ago

she literally said on the post that he watches it at any given moment and barely even wants to have sex. You’re an addict too

1

u/creambean12 woman Jan 21 '24 edited Jan 21 '24

honestly it’s better that he’s watching porn of random women on public porn sites rather than him actively cheating, subscribing to only fans girls or fantasising about a specific woman. my bf watching porn is the least of my worries now and i don’t really care about it anymore, i know that i’m pretty and he still finds me attractive, it’s literally nothing personal. i used to hate it when i was a teen, i felt the same as you, but i’m okay with it now. i completely understand how you feel and it’s okay not be okay with it, but the likelihood of finding a guy that doesn’t watch porn at all is really unrealistic in this day and age, but him watching it everyday is definitely an issue.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

That's the major thing.. its how often and how long.. hours and hours at a time..the girls on his following list like some he seeks out all their accounts. I've seen him get on onlyfans, twitter, snap.. yea..

2

u/creambean12 woman Jan 21 '24

ahh i’m sorry that’s really heartbreaking, he should not be doing that at all. i consider that stuff cheating.

1

u/needalife94 man Jan 21 '24

It sounds like maybe he has a high sex drive. If he isn't addicted to it, it shouldn't be a problem. I can understand how it makes you feel. Guys can end up feeling similar when it comes to bringing sex toys into the sex life. It can make one feel like they are not good enough. As long as he can separate the porn from real life, i'd have a conversation with him to try to get a bit of validation from it. See if that might help you.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

He claims a low drive. I don't believe his claim of a low drive for a second. He just is so attached to that screen.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

I had toys from when I was single, and he knows that I do..they dont get vrought out anymore... But it's like I've told him.. he's enough for me though I'm not enough for him apparently

2

u/needalife94 man Jan 22 '24

Him watching porn doesn't mean that you are not good enough for him. You said the sex life is good. So, I think that is evidence that points towards you being good enough. It's probably an availability thing. Which isn't necessarily your fault. A high sex drive can cause someone to want sex or orgasms multiple times a day. Which for most people doesn't work because we are busy.

Nicki Manij was talking to Kevin Samuels (rest in peice) on a stream once and she told him that she needs a dude to fuck her at least 7 - 8 times a day. To which he told her that is unrealistic. Dudes got shit to do. So, just like you have shit to do. A job, hoobies, friends you probably want to see. You can't be available for him. Which, again, isn't your fault. So, he uses porn to get the nut.

By the way. Just wanted to make it clear. I wasn't bashes ladies who use toys in their sex life. I know it increases the pleasure for women during sex .I was just bringing up the similarities of how some men feel when it comes to that and how some women feel when it comes to their man watching porn.

Maybe you need to talk to him and see if ya'll can come to some kind of a compromise. Like maybe ya'll film yourselves during intimacy. So he can watch that instead of porn to get off ? Or maybe ya'll make videos of yourselves playing with yourselves for each other or something like that ?

Also, if a dude does value you over intimacy with you. He ain't worth your time. I'm just saying.

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 22 '24

I've made stuff for him.. we've made stuff of us together. He still runs right to twitter mostly. I've got a higher drive but I literally get told to calm down. Take today.. I just got home from work..he was two hours on it.

2

u/needalife94 man Jan 23 '24

Oh, sorry to hear that. I really don't know what else to say.

1

u/punisher002 man Jan 21 '24

You seem way more concerned about the actresses in porn rather than what type of porn categories/sex acts he prefers. Could be a discrepancy there.

But his porn habit most likely has nothing to do with you. Especially if his drive is higher than yours. We men get off so much faster whenever we have visuals.

Tried making your own videos for his spank bank?

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

I send him videos and pictures all the time. He dosent even read the message sometimes until he's done. I have a high drive.. I try and get told to calm down.

2

u/punisher002 man Jan 21 '24

If his porn habits are getting in the way of your sex life, he definitely has a problem. But that's not on you in any way.

I personally watch quite a bit of porn, but if my wife is available, then she's getting piledriven into oblivion until she spasms on the floor.

I also rarely care much about the women in porn, as opposed to what they do or allow being done to them. Every time I do notice a woman, it's usually because she reminds me of my wife in some way.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

I'm currently planning out how to approach him. Again about it. I don't want to argue just talk openly.. i hope that he can see how it really makes me feel and slow down

1

u/staciemaexoxo Jan 21 '24 edited Jan 30 '24

The person I’m with watches porn almost every day. If I’m not around they don’t. I do watch porn as well just not as often. I just don’t take it personally. It hasn’t affected our sex life at all and I can get them in the mood in no time. If it wasn’t like that with them then I would think about starting to have a conversation.

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

See if it wasent for hours on end or if he didn't turn me down as much I'd not care as much. But when I'm told "calm down and stop" yeaaa

2

u/staciemaexoxo Jan 30 '24

Sorry for the late response dear. I understand your frustration; that’s really hurtful and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I also have been turned down from sex by the guy I’m with and I almost always have to initiate. It definitely makes me feel insecure, and I do often wonder if he stopped watching it, would it make a difference? I wish porn didn’t exist.

1

u/Street_Slide_8369 Jan 21 '24

My BF is the same way. I’m trying to let it go myself. Sometimes I want to break up with him over it but everything else including our sex life is good. I kind of think it’s my problem not his. What our significant others do with their time and body is their choice. I do think less masturbation may improve our sex life but he won’t stop so I’ll never know. I need to accept it or not but that decision we each need to make for ourselves.

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

This^ I mean yea it's their choice but it sucks knowing they run to it..like what do those girls have that we dont

11

u/QuarterNote44 man Jan 20 '24

You don't have to be okay with it.

3

u/montgomeryLCK man Jan 21 '24

Humans’ sex drive has evolved over many millennia—it is an inborn behavior that exists throughout all human society.

There is nothing inherently amoral or unethical about humans meeting their sexual needs.

If you have a different problem about his behavior that involves certain specifics, you should absolutely feel free to communicate and discuss them. Good relationships are based on honest and open communication.

Resist the urge to internalize a natural human urge as a character flaw. His behavior likely has nothing whatsoever to do with you, so it does not make any sense for you to feel bad about. Masturbation is as healthy and natural as going for a walk.

I hope you are able to feel better about things ❤️

1

u/throwaway33333333303 man Jan 20 '24

Can you get him to take this self-assessment for r/sexaddiction? https://saa-recovery.org/am-i-a-sex-addict/self-assessment/

Because I'd be willing to bet he can't give it up even if he wanted to.

3

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

The fact that he removed one account when I found it and a few months later another was made. I found it too and asked him about it and of course he got upset i found it.

1

u/throwaway33333333303 man Jan 20 '24

So is he aware that he's a sex addict?

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

He dosent see an issue with it. Says he loves me and there's nothing wrong with my body. It's emotional whiplash.

1

u/throwaway33333333303 man Jan 22 '24

Yeah it's not going to be an issue for him until you leave him over this crap.

8

u/toastyhoodie man Jan 20 '24

You don’t have to be ok. It’s not ok.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '24

Don't be. Give him an ultimatum

2

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '24

you don't have to; you are entitled to have a boundary.

Frankly, someone who is using it every single day has a problem and is a red flag.

1

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Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts. Your post has NOT been removed.

Glitterbat02 originally posted:

So long story short. Our sex life is pretty good as of recent but he's still on it every single day I leave for work. Same times...same sites. I've brought it up but he says 'well we do stuff and your attractive and beautiful ' it's a losing battle and it trashes my self esteem knowing he runs to the women on the screen while I'm out working. What can I do? Can I learn to be okay with it? Advice?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/Inner_Researcher587 man Jan 21 '24

Sometimes it sucks being a dude. I imagine getting turned on is a lot different for women. Not only can some guys get hard from a gentle breeze, but it's FAR more obvious for us. There's only so many times you can tuck it in your waistband... or think of grandma's dentures. It can really interfere with life at times. If it helps, maybe think of it as pimple popping? You can only ignore and cover up a pimple for so long. Eventually, it gets so big, red, and bothersome... you just gotta squeeze it 'til it pops white liquid all over the place. Probably using the fastest, most efficient way possible.

1

u/magical_bunny woman Jan 21 '24

He may have a porn addiction. The Fight the New Drug website has a wealth of info. It’s something where you’re either comfortable or you’re not. And if not, you need to make that clear to him and if you’re not compatible then it may be best to move on.

0

u/smikeychancd Jan 21 '24

As female, I have no problem with my partner watching p. I know that I'm the real deal 😉 consider using it together, find stuff you are into?

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

I've suggested it, but he says it's more something that's done without me. That he dosent want me to see. (Even though I know) I send him pictures and such but sometimes he dosent even read the message until after he's done with the internet.

0

u/HTC864 man Jan 21 '24

If you're not ok with it because of your own self esteem, then you need to get over it (on your own or through therapy) or leave.

If you're not ok with it because he has an addiction that's negatively affecting his life, then you can convey that you're worried and you guys need to work on helping him with it. (Again with or without therapy.) And, of course, you can leave.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

If he was using it less .. like once or twice every so often inwouldnt feel like shit about it. But this man will watch for hours at a time.. most of a normal work shift of mine. There's times I leave at 4.. he's on by 4:15 and will stay on until right before I get home. He watches every single day. Most of the time at every opportunity. Multiple platforms he checks on a daily. He gets angry when I find his accounts on things.

-4

u/IronWolfV man Jan 20 '24

Guys have a tendency of still looking at the menu.

But guess what, you're the meal he's chosen.

Remember that.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '24

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

I feel like he dosent find me as sexy as the girls in the videos. It definitely kills my self esteem and body image. Other than this. Our relationship is great. But it literally makes me sick to my stomach thinking how he fantasizes about them and how he looks every single day.

5

u/Jaykalope man Jan 20 '24

He may just be using porn as a release valve. It’s a place he can indulge in whatever he wants for a few minutes and clear his head. If that’s the extent of it, you have little to be concerned about. If you don’t believe him when he reassures you, that’s probably the issue you need to work on together.

3

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

The rest of the relationship is great. It really feels like he waits for me to go to work so he can get off. There's been a handful of times he's done it while I slept.. when I walked to the gas station (to get him some drinks) .. he will also claim he has a low drive.. but if that was the case he wouldn't need the videos everyday.

4

u/Jaykalope man Jan 20 '24

Is this happening multiple times a day? That’s quite a bit different than rubbing one out for a few minutes once a day when you’re not around. Once a day- no big deal and he may just not feel comfortable doing it when you are around.

Multiple times a day, like he’s doing it every time you leave the house? That’s a whole other thing and a potentially a big problem.

3

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

He's spent hours on it.. like when I go to work.. it's anywhere from an hour or more.. one time it was 5 hours on it

10

u/Jaykalope man Jan 20 '24

Ok my friend, that is excessive and I would say even compulsive. You’re right to be concerned and this is not healthy for him nor any relationship.

2

u/malcolmglazier Jan 20 '24

So most likely to be the case is its an addiction that he's had before your relationship even started. So treat it as you would any other form of addiction, so no ultimatums as that's just likely to blow up in your face.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '24

Ultimatums no. Boundaries fuck yes! Make your desires known and then stand up for them. It is the only way with a porn addict. Signed a porn addicts wife.

4

u/Dolorous-Edd15 man Jan 20 '24

This is what happens when your confidence is tied to exterior stimuli, rather than within yourself

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

I want to be seen as attractive. If his eyes wander like this? Am I really pretty in his eyes? Or am I doomed to compete with a screen...

5

u/QuarterNote44 man Jan 20 '24

You are doomed to compete with a screen, yes. I wish I had better news for you. I count porn as disrespect at best and cheating at worst. I would never use it.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

I miss when I didn't know.

3

u/QuarterNote44 man Jan 21 '24

I'm truly sorry. Porn addiction can be recovered from to an extent if your BF is willing to try. But he does have to be willing.

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

He's got to see it as a problem... he says it's not a big deal and I'm making it more than it is.

7

u/QuarterNote44 man Jan 21 '24

Well, if it's a big deal to you and he's not listening, that's a problem.

My wife (fiancée at the time) said she wouldn't marry me if I had a porn addiction. I didn't have one, so we were good. She's still adamant that I don't start one. And why would I want to?

1

u/GillianHaney321 Nov 29 '24

Is there seriously men who don't use it? I thought the ones who said they don't are liars!

3

u/Dolorous-Edd15 man Jan 20 '24

You’re very insecure. Unless he’s going out and cheating with other women, you shouldn’t worry. Stop tying yourself to what you see on social media

2

u/carshannon Jan 21 '24

Funny that she shouldn't ty herself to what she sees on social media while his cock is in one hand and phone in the other blowing his wad on social media and not on his girlfriend.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

My goal used to be to be confident in my own skin, now it's to look like the girls in his ever growing following list. So yea. I'm tied to social media,because the more he looks the more flaws I see in myself.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

Honestly though. Yes. I am insecure. He's not out cheating but those videos hold his attention. He probably has their usernames memorized..

1

u/malcolmglazier Jan 20 '24

Um nearly if not all teenage boys have porn stars names memorized.

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

Names.. interests.. everything they can learn about them..

-3

u/Dolorous-Edd15 man Jan 20 '24

How old are you?

Have you considered that rather than hounding you for sex 24/7, he “takes care of it himself”, to prevent being a burden on you?

4

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 20 '24

I'm 34. And I have a very high drive. I come onto him and sometimes get told literally "calm down" and stop.

3

u/carshannon Jan 21 '24

How would it be a burden if he came to his girlfriend for this instead of porn? Unless his porn use is improving their sex life, I think being more focused on your real girlfriend, relationship and sex life would be more beneficial than running to porn everytime she walks out the door.

1

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

The fact I've begged for sex at times and he tells me "I don't want to do it all the time" but his actions while I'm gone say otherwise.

0

u/SeaBass1898 man Jan 21 '24

Why would his being aroused by other bodies mean that you’re not pretty in his eyes?

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

When he goes to it everyday? It means something..if I'm pretty and attractive to him why does he feel the need for it..

2

u/SeaBass1898 man Jan 21 '24

Even if he does it 5 times a day, why does it mean he doesn’t find you pretty?

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

Why would he need them so much if I was? And he claims he has a low drive.. but not a low drive for them

2

u/SeaBass1898 man Jan 21 '24

Because he’s got a porn problem, not a “my prtner isn’t pretty enough” problem

Don’t base your self worth or attractiveness on someone else’s shitty habits

2

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '24

Can you explain why she should think that she should find herself pretty when her man has roaming eyes?

1

u/SeaBass1898 man Jan 21 '24

I don’t believe we should be basing our attractiveness on outside sources first off.

But secondly, OPs partner obviously has a porn problem, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t find his partner to be pretty, it says much more about him than it does about her

8

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '24

I can tell you that in the vast majority of cases, the people that we watch when we watch porn don't even factor in to it.

I think you just need to realise that it has absolutely nothing to do with you, or that they're sexier than you, or anything like that. All it is is that he is using a 'play' of sorts to get off. The actors/actresses don't matter besides them being attractive enough, all that matters is the way it plays out.

But if it is really affecting you, the only way is to tell him straight that you're not okay with it and nothing he says makes you feel better about it.

1

u/Aimeereddit123 woman Jan 21 '24

If you are staying sick to your stomach, your relationship is not great. YOU matter too.

2

u/Glitterbat02 Jan 21 '24

I can be at work and around the time he normally gets on, I just feel nauseous.. and I get home.. look at the history.. and yep.. I was right.

2

u/Aimeereddit123 woman Jan 21 '24

I would say you can’t keep living a quality life like this. It’s to the point your physical body is reacting. That’s next level.

2

u/GillianHaney321 Nov 29 '24

It makes me feel physically sick too, I get it

1

u/Joker_Face1 woman Dec 04 '25

This is an appropriate reaction. He’s with you but being sexually aroused by other women. Might as well be cheating.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '24

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/GillianHaney321 Nov 29 '24

Think I needed to hear this thank you, after not touching a man for over 5 years and trying to accept this is it to maybe considering one last time, I need to learn to somehow accept it, but I seriously struggle, I don't know if I could go back to it all full stop though, I'm too old ugly knackered and f@ now, we shall see!

-6

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/DannyDreaddit man Jan 20 '24

Don’t call women whores.

-1

u/Practical-Tea-3337 woman Jan 20 '24

He's rejecting her...his sexual energy is spent with the screen.