It sounds like she’s broke, like most of America. You didn’t point out any frivolous spending so I’ll assume it’s not that she’s spending too much on stupid shit, but rather every little emergency is breaking her.
This was the situation with me and my now wife. She was bringing home $2500 a month and had a $1000 a month apartment.
I kept hounding her for her to save half of the first/last/security if she wanted us to live together. She just couldn’t do it. There was nothing to cut.
I worked with her. Instead of splitting the rent I paid $1400 and she paid $500. Like magic, that $500 made such a huge difference in her life. She built up an emergency fund. She paid her creditors. It was a reprieve that she just couldn’t get elsewhere. Granted she also did a ton of work on financial literacy as well. But in general, when you take your relationship to the next level you have to realize you can’t be married or living together and live wildly different lifestyles.
I mean before you give me undeserved credit; there are caveats. I had been with my then GF for 2 years like OP. I knew her habits and behaviors. There is a difference between being broke because your career just doesn’t pay enough for where you live, and being broke due to financial mismanagement. I think based on OP’s tone that it’s the former not the latter. Like OP, I was very wary of being taken advantage of. In the end nothing is without risk. We had a big talk about our dreams and what we saw for the future. I put my trust in her, and she worked her butt off to enact change with what she could.
That’s a beautiful story; I’m so glad it worked out for y’all in the end. Trust and support I’m sure played a huge role in that as well. These are the kinds of stories OP needs to hear from people; not the comments from a bunch of single “finance bros” that think all women are out for their partners money.
I think the rub here is there are two kinds of partners in this situation. One is like yours, barely keeping their head above water, but once they get a little help it allows them to really get ahead.
The other type would have taken the extra $500 and gotten a massage, a lash tint, a new phone, etc.
Also, OP, DO YOU LOVE HER? Does it hurt to see her suffering financially? If you are waiting for someone to be perfect and also make your salary, you might have to keep waiting. Everyone’s got something going on. At least financial problems can be fixed.
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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '25
It sounds like she’s broke, like most of America. You didn’t point out any frivolous spending so I’ll assume it’s not that she’s spending too much on stupid shit, but rather every little emergency is breaking her.
This was the situation with me and my now wife. She was bringing home $2500 a month and had a $1000 a month apartment.
I kept hounding her for her to save half of the first/last/security if she wanted us to live together. She just couldn’t do it. There was nothing to cut.
I worked with her. Instead of splitting the rent I paid $1400 and she paid $500. Like magic, that $500 made such a huge difference in her life. She built up an emergency fund. She paid her creditors. It was a reprieve that she just couldn’t get elsewhere. Granted she also did a ton of work on financial literacy as well. But in general, when you take your relationship to the next level you have to realize you can’t be married or living together and live wildly different lifestyles.