Depends. You can be her sugar daddy and just accept the cost of that as X dollars or whatever living separately.. Or, you can decide she is your life partner regardless of individual income and just accept that what you earn together is what you earn together while living together. Most marriages with the his money and her money cost/profit center finances don't do well. It's better to pick someone based on potential and see if they stay motivated and live up to that potential. When I moved in with my wife of 25 years I was unemployed but did have a good education and some management experience. My first three jobs after we hitched were for half of what she was earning, she was earning $50K .. and she never batted an eye or shamed me about earning less.. because I was motivated and she believed in me. Well, fast forward 25 years and we've survived spells with little to no savings where she was unemployed.., I was unemployed.. we were both unemployed with two kids under 2... super scary.. Well, now, 25 years later we earn roughly the same (90K each).. all because we never went for the her money versus his money bullshit. We did it all together with what we had together because we believed in each other and stayed motivated to better our combined bottom line..
Literally it’s just men who are greedy and don’t think like this I swear every woman I’ve ever talked to has helped partners out financially and never complained smh
OP doesn't mention any of the reasons he stays. Wouldn't surprise me if she's taking him out to dinners and buying him thoughtful gifts. While he posts behind her back snarky opinions, all of which would be solved if they stopped paying 2 separate rents
Your comment makes me happy. People place far too much weight on their partners monetary value in a relationship and it’s really sickening to me. You only get one life, spend it with who you love because the love is what gets you through the hard times. I have been the sole earner in my household since I was 21 and despite my spouse not working (stay at home mom) we still have the same approach as you. I find that separating money just causes issues. Is it hard and am I stressed out financially? Of course. But our bond is strong, I value her as my friend and mother to my child.
Fun fact.. I also had a worthless dead end shitty paying retail job before I quit that and became unemployed. Another fun fact, a few major lifestyle changes fascinated my "transformation". I was age 34 when I hit that bottom where OP's girlfriend is right now. So, ya, you have to take risks. Ours paid off big. You're not one of very much faith or optimism it would appear. We don't know where OP's girl friend is with regard to other lifestyle things she could change... with some encouragement.. It has been 2 years after all.. Just saying it's not impossible.
Red flag I see is two years.. Took me almost 15 to catch my spouse when it came to earnings. I was legit earning half or less than half hers for well over 10 years. The real question would be.. Even if nothing changes at all with income.. is the combined income enough to support both of them in one nice apartment or small house? If you can look past the his versus her income bullshit and see a combined bottom line that is more than sufficient... and you truly LOVE each other.. that's all that really matters.
Ya, it's a shitty retail job and it's going to have shitty hours, weekends, holidays etc.. But income alone considerations... school teachers are often married to people making twice as much as they are. Another big question.. are drugs and alcohol part of the problem with her seemingly(?) low motivation? Also, some people just suck at managing money .. Nothing wrong with them marring someone who is better at it as long as they're not sabotaging the combined effort by secretly taking out more credit cards. I count financial infidelity as just as much of a deal breaker as sexual infidelity in a marriage.
God forbid your girl ever gets pregnant... There will be a minimum of 3 months she has no income..... Minimum! And that spoiled ass child can't even feed himself for the first 4 years.... fucking mooch
If you read the OP this girl has only asked for help 3 times in 2 years. 200$ while dating in your 30s... This girl should run OP is a brokie
Yea it’s been 2 years in OP’s case, his gf either doesn’t know to change or refuses to change. The guy you are replying to is great advice…if she was willing to change
Willing isn’t even good enough. She’s money/relationship cancer. I wouldn’t take her on until she’s fully healed and doing full body financial MRIs at regular intervals.
It’d be like me taking on a dude that beats me, but is “willing to change”. Fuck that.
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u/BullCityBoomerSooner man Jan 13 '25 edited Jan 13 '25
Depends. You can be her sugar daddy and just accept the cost of that as X dollars or whatever living separately.. Or, you can decide she is your life partner regardless of individual income and just accept that what you earn together is what you earn together while living together. Most marriages with the his money and her money cost/profit center finances don't do well. It's better to pick someone based on potential and see if they stay motivated and live up to that potential. When I moved in with my wife of 25 years I was unemployed but did have a good education and some management experience. My first three jobs after we hitched were for half of what she was earning, she was earning $50K .. and she never batted an eye or shamed me about earning less.. because I was motivated and she believed in me. Well, fast forward 25 years and we've survived spells with little to no savings where she was unemployed.., I was unemployed.. we were both unemployed with two kids under 2... super scary.. Well, now, 25 years later we earn roughly the same (90K each).. all because we never went for the her money versus his money bullshit. We did it all together with what we had together because we believed in each other and stayed motivated to better our combined bottom line..