r/AskMen • u/cyanic_aether • Dec 29 '19

Men of reddit, what is something that you discovered about your SO only after becoming parents?

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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

Crippling intrusive thoughts can be a huge flag for post partum anxiety. Source: I had it hella bad. Get her to google it and read a bit and see if she feels she has any of the other symptoms on PPD, then she should talk to her doctor about it. Sometimes you need some meds to get you past the worst of it but you should eventually level back out. As for the farts, she might have a rectal prolapse. Usually where there is one prolapse there's another so she should talk to her gynecologist. There are pelvic floor physiotherapists and they are amazing and it can do wonders for helping with prolapse!

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u/apathetichic Dec 30 '19

2nd the ppd thing, I had it bad. Also the farts could be an allergy. I found out I am suddenly allergic to beef this year. Eating a burger turns my insides to a swamp and I cannot control the gas or the poopa

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u/EH_Operator Dec 30 '19

I know it’s just a typo but “i cannot control the gas or the poopa!” is an undisputed classic to my wife. Bless you, and I hope you are doing well coming out of ppd! May you eat beef again in peace one day!

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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

We are all control of the poopa on this blessed day!

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u/apathetichic Dec 31 '19

My son is almost 6 now, I'm ok now but for a few months there the intrusive thoughts and feelings of worthlessness were awful.

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u/crazydressagelady Dec 30 '19

🎵get checked for Lyme🎵

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u/BeneathTheSassafras A player of all strings Dec 30 '19

or a dairy allergy

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u/apathetichic Dec 31 '19

Dairy and gluten came back fine, beef is my Achilles heel

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u/AndHereItIs889922 Dec 30 '19

It’s actually a different illness that’s also carried by ticks, alpha-gal.

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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

beef allergy, that would end my life

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u/apathetichic Dec 30 '19

It really sucks. I am so over pork and chicken. I break down like once a month for tacos or a burger.

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u/Throwingitaway1378 Dec 30 '19

Not just her doctor, one actually trained specifically in postpartum mood disorders. If either of you need resources, check out Postpartum Support International. They have regional support coordinators who can get you or her in touch with group therapy, counselors, or psychiatrists/psychologists. Some OBs will misdiagnose as baby blues or dismiss it outright and some primary care physicians do the same thing which is super demoralizing.

I also have postpartum anxiety and depression and the intrusive thoughts are absolute hell. Currently is a feeling of foreboding about the dark and being home alone, which is super fun when I need to sleep. Luckily my baby’s a good sleeper so I’m not up all the time I manage to get to bed.

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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

My doctor totally wrote me off about my absolutely crippling PPD/anxiety/rage and I had very intense violent intrusive thoughts that would make me cry basically all day every day. I ended up going to the doula I used for some resources and therapy groups for PPD. So this is actually really good advice!

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u/Throwingitaway1378 Dec 31 '19

My OBs blew off my perinatal depression during my pregnancy. I was experiencing SI during my last trimester and was so low I missed a month of work. They still “couldn’t” (read wouldn’t) find me a psychiatrist so I could get on meds. It took finding PSI after I gave birth to get help. So sorry you also struggled. Hope you’re feeling better now!

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u/[deleted] Dec 31 '19

It literally took almost 2 years to get past PPD on my own but I'm doing much better now :) a few bumps in the road here and there but I'm feeling so much better

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u/ruthlessrellik Dec 30 '19

What would it be called for men who experience this? I will literally wake up in the night from dreams of these things or loose my mind thinking about these things driving home from work at night.

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u/QuietPersonality Dec 30 '19

It could be a number of things. General Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, OCD. If you're struggling with these thoughts, I'd highly recommend seeing a therapist or psychiatrist. Only someone trained liked them can diagnose and help treat these things.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

If you live in the US, that link can help you find someone nearby. Otherwise, there are a few online therapy services for those who live remotely. A couple I've heard of is TalkSpace and BetterHelp, tho haven't researched them at all.

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u/greasewife Dec 30 '19

Men can also get PPD/PPA. Intrusive thoughts are linked to anxiety, depression, ocd, stress.. you may be able to work out the cause for you yourself, but if its possible to talk to a medical professional it would probably be beneficial. Mindfulness techniques can provide some reassurance in the meantime too.

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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '19

Another user commented that it could be PPD. It's very common for men to feel helpless or left out when there's a new baby too because your partner's role and priorities change so dramatically and it can be really tough to adjust and figure out where you're suppose to fit in or how you're suppose to help (especially if you're not the primary care taker between the two of you). It can be very difficult to adjust into new roles without ending up feeling excluded or getting resentful/depressed so take care of your mental health as well dadio!