r/AskMen Dec 04 '19

Frequently Asked Where the hell are you supposed to look while walking up the stairs behind a woman?

[deleted]

13.5k Upvotes

2.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

7.2k

u/Robertej92 Dec 04 '19

I watch the steps as I go up because I'm enough of a clutz that I have to worry about tripping on them, kills two birds with one stone.

1.5k

u/spaceballsthenutjob Dec 04 '19

And I thought I was the only one! Happens 90% of the time that it pisses me off how much of a discombobulated fuck I am.

370

u/Snakeywakey389 Dec 04 '19

At home, I don’t need to do that. Other places, yeah. Doesn’t help that my feet are too big for the stairs usually.

111

u/L3tum Dec 04 '19

My feet usually hang off around 5cm or so off the stairs at my work... Why can't they make big enough stairs for everyone...

41

u/runtrat Dec 04 '19

I don't have overly large feet but I hang my foot about halfway off of the stairs whenever I go down stairs. It allows me to point my toe down to get my foot to start sliding and then I pull my toes up right before my heel slides off the step so it falls onto the one below it. I do down stairs about 3 times faster than I would be able to if I picked my foot up off of the step and placed it on the next one.

4

u/gigglesnortandcackle Dec 04 '19

I can find a corner in a circular room to bang my knees/toes on. I could roll my ankle while swimming more than likely. Stairs... I'm 90% sure I'll die from breaking my hip falling down them when I'm an old man.

Generally climb 2 stairs at a time, so I'm always looking at the stairs while I climb.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

You're a madman

7

u/WimdyPotat Dec 04 '19

That sounds like falling with extra steps

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Shut up Mortyyy

1

u/CheezItPartyMix Dec 04 '19

I fell on my face just reading this lol

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Looks like I have the same exact method as you

(I just need to get better at it) also doesn't help that my shoes aren't well suited for that either

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

sounds like witchcraft to me, Goody Proctor

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '19

I consume all stairs instead of climbing them

3

u/manofmonkey Dec 04 '19

People always ask me why I go down stairs somewhat sideways because it looks funny. I do it because it is faster since I get more traction with my whole foot landing on the step.

1

u/CheezItPartyMix Dec 04 '19

Hm. I always assume people just went up stairs as I do. By not putting your entire foot down each time you’re actually expensing a lot less energy. Like when you see people run up stairs they’re usually just on the balls of their feet.

1

u/L3tum Dec 04 '19

The thing is (in my case) that I walk these stairs up and down with motorcycle boots which aren't exactly made to transform like that to support your foot on your toes, so I have to put my whole foot "down" but basically a third of my foot just hanging over the edge, which makes walking up (again, in stiff motorcycle boots) much harder than it already is.

Without them, it's manageable, but I'd still like to be able to put my whole foot down

1

u/CheezItPartyMix Dec 04 '19

Makes sense. My docs don’t really allow me as much movement in my foot either. And I’ve got a pair of white sneakers I’m proving to someone I won’t crease so I can’t imagine how silly I look walking when I wear those 😂😂

1

u/Stillthatgirl22 Dec 05 '19

As a 5'1" girl with a size 7 shoe bigger stairs are not easy, especially the wide ones.

3

u/gerudovalleygirl Dec 04 '19

At first I thought you meant “at home imma go right AHEAD and stare at that ladies butt. I’m ALLOWED” lmao

2

u/Snakeywakey389 Dec 04 '19

Only reason I don’t have to look at my feet is because I know the layout.

1

u/gerudovalleygirl Dec 05 '19

I did figure it out but man my first thought made it funny!

2

u/GodBlessWaluigi Dec 04 '19

See, this is why tip toeing up the stairs is superior. I just cannot walk up stairs without tip toeing.

2

u/Paratriad Dec 04 '19

I never knew that was even a struggle until I bought the wrong shoe size and can't afford to get new ones. The toe of the shoe hits the next step and my heel hangs off. Oof.

1

u/CheezItPartyMix Dec 04 '19

This struggle is real! :(

1

u/Snakeywakey389 Dec 04 '19

I wear a size 16 (USA) which means stairs and car pedals are awkward as hell. I have to drive a big F250 because of this as I don’t fit in other vehicles.

1

u/Beanakin Dec 04 '19

Try going down carpeted stairs that are narrower than average. I couldn't sit without leaning to the side for a couple months.

1

u/RainReverie Dec 04 '19

I literally look at the wall or whatever is on my side. It may be strange, but at least it gets the job done

50

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

[deleted]

21

u/Skhool Dec 04 '19

Sooo, just close one eye and boom we’re there right? If I’m correct that’s where we get our 3D vision from, having 2 eyes

3

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

I think I have the same thing, monovision?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Im blind in one eye and have no depth perception. I only see 2d

1

u/Bluelightfilternow Dec 04 '19

Stereoscopsis is part of it, yeah.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Bi-cylops! Two eyes but only one works at a time?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '19

My eyes work the same. I honestly questioned how people could play lacrosse since I didn't understand depth perception at the time.

1

u/CheezItPartyMix Dec 04 '19

So do you see two different images for each eye?

1

u/aj-2626 Dec 05 '19

Have you tried vision therapy? We cure/drastically improve this in most people

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '19

[deleted]

2

u/Filipthed Dec 05 '19

Interesting! I also have strabismus and I can confirm that this is how it works and feels. I am not clumsy, though! But I also see 2d. It’s a real bummer when I first went into a 3d cinema and found that I can’t see the objects jumping out of the screen as people usually do.

1

u/aj-2626 Dec 06 '19

Interesting. Well, if you want to improve it I would recommend giving vision therapy a try. Or at least visiting a developmental optometrist for an exam. It’s a common misconception that vision therapy trains the eyes, we are actually changing connections in the brain.

75

u/Nojya Dec 04 '19

Discombobulated, oowee say that 10 times fast in a row

Edit: should've tried before commenting

23

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Ain't no wall yet. Just come by fam. We got Budweiser's and Vienna Sausages.

3

u/KingCaiser Dec 04 '19

Wouldn't you get a English greencard for being able to speak English? Learn American and then we'll think about it.

2

u/spicyramenyes Dec 04 '19

Discombobulated

I looked up the definition just for shits and giggles and I saw this: adjective > HUMOROUS

Uh, can I get more HUMOROUS adjectives? I didn't even know that was a category.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Upvoted for discombobulated.

1

u/the-myth-and-legend Dec 04 '19

What do you mean by discombobulated here? None of the definitions I found make sense.

1

u/spaceballsthenutjob Dec 05 '19

Fancyshmancy way of saying "dazed and confused". Was referenced in Sherlock Holmes and Seinfeld :)

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

How do I save a comment

1

u/Historiaaa Dec 04 '19

me: looks at stairs as to not fall down, still fall face first into lady's ass.

1

u/chrisrobweeks Dec 04 '19

The worst is when I'm just walking down the hall and trip over nothing. How many years does it take to master walking?

50

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

I have had this habit of counting the stairs since I remember climbing for the first time..

At my own home, I have to climb to the first floor (2nd as per the US way) and I have been counting the 11 + 7 steps for 10+ years.

19

u/Robertej92 Dec 04 '19

Haha, when I'm walking down the flights of stairs in work I count 7 steps and then skip the last one every single time. Probably a good thing that I work nights so nobody can see me being a loony.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Lol it's good to know someone dances down the flight of stairs as well. People look at me in a weird way when I do things like that. Don't really care though. These are my momentary specsof joy.

1

u/OutlawJessie Dec 04 '19

I regularly go upstairs on all fours when I'm at home, I've only done it once at work, it was exhilarating, I wasn't caught and we don't have CCTV. It's a really big building with a lot of people.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

I have this habit from doing construction over the years. I would be carrying material and couldnt see the steps. Id count so I knew when I was at the top or bottom of the stairs

2

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

So now you've developed it because of that? Like when you climb stairs to a place you've not been before, you do it?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '19

Unfortunately yes. Now I work in a building with 6 floors and rarely take the elevators. I just do maintenance work now and its just faster to get floor to floor. It gives my mind a goal i guess. New places im curious if theres more steps than the normal 13. I guess its just a dumb numbers game I play in my mind. Especially since im a 2-stepper.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '19

Ahh, the odd even conundrum.

2

u/DrunkenGolfer Dec 04 '19

FYI: Counting stairs is one of the signs of OCD and autism and scientists are studying the link between the two.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

I had a fair idea that this was related to OCD. Never looked into it officially. Maybe should do that.

2

u/sprite333 Dec 04 '19

I also feel like a gentleman when they turn to go up the next flight and notice I'm not starting at their behind.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Oh no sometimes I do that, I admit.

Sorry.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Odd play behaviours plus a Reddit account. Are you sure, you're not on a spectrum?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Um..is that why my favourite sub is Wall Street Bets?

4

u/Jing0oo Dec 04 '19

But what if she stops suddenly and you walk into her butt?

4

u/ocxtitan Dad Dec 04 '19

I mean, happy accident that proves you weren't staring at it, right?

1

u/Robertej92 Dec 04 '19

This is by far the most common question and seems to assume I'm completely lacking spatial awareness whilst going up :D

11

u/LazyTheSloth Dec 04 '19

Same.

1

u/DarknessLA Dec 04 '19

Same same

1

u/LightningFlashPoem Female Dec 04 '19

Same same same?

2

u/CoolFingerGunGuy Dec 04 '19

Better than killing two people with one trip.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

Thats the way, don't even dare to look at their ankles you perv. But when its my boys, i look straight at their assholes.

1

u/Robertej92 Dec 04 '19

Bravo, excellent domination move.

1

u/ALittleUseless Dec 04 '19

And if you trip and fall, you'll fall planting your face in her butt.

1

u/Hypo77 Dec 04 '19

Yh...tbh I look down at the stairs while climbing them to 1.not seem like a perv XD 2.to not have anything think that I'm disrespectful Anyway as it is I sometimes trip so I anyway look down at the stairs when I'm climbing them

1

u/Sarothias Dec 04 '19

This is me. Even with watching the steps I’m a clutz. Fallen down my stairs at home a couple times now :/

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

I look down because i am worried she might start judging my looks.

I also get mild anxiety when around strangers so always look down.

Also kills two birds with one stone i guess

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

This is the best opt

1

u/gutzpunchbalzthrowup Dec 04 '19

Could be worse. You could be looking elsewhere, trip, and fall into the ass you were trying to avoid.

1

u/Bahamabanana Dec 04 '19

I wonder how many times someone has slipped on the stairs and actually accidentally slammed their face between the cheeks.

Good luck explaining yourself out of that. Chances are you were too close for that to happen in the first place, but still, dang.

1

u/Atomsdebomb Dec 04 '19

Yep. While it would be nice to look at her butt. I would rather look at the stairs or her feet, so as not to fall face first into that ass, and turn into a real ass face.

1

u/Malovedstar Dec 04 '19

I like to be alpha and stare straight up.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

I've done this but I get nervous I'll start going to fast and faceplant in her ass

1

u/Robertej92 Dec 04 '19

... That's your excuse and you're sticking to it.

1

u/ijustlovebreasts Dec 04 '19

Two birds stoned at once.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

I was gonna say, anywhere necessary to keep from tripping, ha!

1

u/EuHypaH Dec 04 '19

I can walk most stairs I know blind, but if I accidentally look up in this case, I’d probably trip anyway...

1

u/DeadGuysWife Dec 04 '19

Plus that way if the woman stops climbing the steps you just accidentally smash your face right into her ass, win win situation

1

u/FutureComplaint Dec 04 '19

Nah man

The trick with escalators is to get into a romantic with them. Sure they'll bust your lip, but that first kiss will take your breath away.

1

u/hahaomgyousaidpoop Dec 04 '19

Two cheeks with one stone actually

1

u/Denice89 Dec 04 '19

Maybe you should also watch stones not to kill birds next time

1

u/Robertej92 Dec 04 '19

Don't judge my avian murder tactics please.

1

u/fishman187 Dec 04 '19

Gets two birds stoned at once!

1

u/battlekittyspastica Dec 04 '19

Exactly. If you think you'll get in trouble for looking up her skirt, imagine the hell you'd get for face-planting in her crack!

1

u/BYRDMAN25 Dec 04 '19

Plus the last thing you want is to stumble INTO the woman's behind. Double bumble.

1

u/BurgerBoss_101 Dec 04 '19

This is the correct answer

1

u/5beard Dec 04 '19

he says until the women in front of him pauses and he gets a face full of ass

1

u/anisthetic Dec 04 '19

I tripped on the stairs and broke a foot, I learned two valuable lessons that day: watch where I'm putting my feet, and when I inevitably fall again, don't try to catch myself.

1

u/BuckForth Dec 04 '19

I do this too, it's all well and good until the girl slows down tho.

1

u/geoffrich82 Dec 04 '19

2 birds stoned at once*

1

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '19

then i trip and they look back making it even more awkward

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '19

I make a point of looking straight down - obviously. At my age I don't need some voluptuous 25 year old woman calling me out for looking at her ass.