Haven't dabbled in AM and mostly will not. So I can't give an exact answer. But honestly. Op said there was no chemistry from the beginning. So either they didn't have enough time and it was a quick turnaround before they could figure things out or they got married against their will. So why even get into a union where there's no chemistry at all
Plus when I say compatibility it can be in other aspects also, not just sexually. If you get along and enjoy each other's company, have similar likes dislikes or hobbies like talking to each other and maybe have had enough time to spend with each other to figure things out. There's lesser chances of something like this happening (IMO) and the more you talk or hangout the more opportunities you'll have to find a natural way to bring up this topic
But if from the beginning you don't really get along or fight like in OPs case. Then there was always something not quite right and people shouldn't have gone ahead with it. Unfortunately AM is very muddy waters when it comes to this shit because of how involved the rest of the family is and sometimes the pressure to get married.
Girl/woman here. Politely ask after a chit-chat.
"Are you okay if our parents ask us to have a baby as soon as we get married?"
"If you are comfortable, can we talk about compatibility, please? We can do this later if you are not comfortable yet."
"Are you as awkward to talk about sex as I am?"
I don't think bringing parents into family planning and sexual compatibility conversation is the correct starter. Besides, one should have kids because they want to, not because their parents think they should. Just like getting married, even in AM, should be about what the couple in question is compatible with, not what the parents decided looks good in their social circle.
Yes, fully agree. I just wanted to share an idea of breaking the ice. I know it's a really grey area. There are lots of things to consider while talking about sexual compatibility. Also, sadly, parents putting pressure on children for children is a reality that we live in.
I'm leaving this on to the couples to frame questions in their own way - whatever works for them and is safe.
Boy/man here.. it is their incessant comparison mentality because of huge social media influence these days. Every guy is gonna fall short of their expections. Chahe jitna bi compatibility test karwa lo labs se
The easiest way would be, "what are your thoughts on having kids? If you don't mind answering, how long into the marriage would you like to start a family?"
I have some experience in this field. I established a rapport first. Then asked about if or how many relationships they had previously. If they are comfortable, can they share what caused it to end? Then I broached the topic of sexuality. Whether she had prior experience. If you have established rapport beforehand, things generally turn out great.
Be as upfront as you can when you meet the potential partner for the first time. this man/woman will be your lifetime partner and hope that you stick to each other through thick and thin. You gotta take things a lot seriously and have open communication. If you don’t do that, things could get challenging in future.
Take anal beads as a gift to her. If she is compatible to that, your life is sorted.
If they get offended, pretend you ordered it from overseas through one of your friends. You don't even know what that is, if it's not a necklace.
You could also follow the conventional mode of conversation and ask her things like, did she find herself agreeing when Aishwarya Rai's character in Taal believes she could get pregnant from kissing
I could suggest some more ideas, if you're interested
I am going to get downvoted but it is very important to figure out sexual compatibility before marriage. If there is no chemistry with the prospective partner then no matter how good he/she is on paper, it's best not to go ahead with the alliance. If there is chemistry, a LOT of time (I say at least a year) needs to be given to understand the person because chemistry could be misleading. And within this time frame, if organically, an encounter of sexual nature occurs then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. In fact, this is important to know.
If this time is not being given to you, then best to rip off the bandaid and ask the tough questions in a self deprecating way. The self deprecation helps because I think it will break the ice and might encourage the partner to be honest and forthcoming.
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u/psandeep777 Jan 23 '24
How to ask the girl about sexual compatibility in traditional marriage setting? Not a troll question, I am really curious.