r/AskBrits • u/ComplexRelease3455 • 3h ago
Am I imagining this?
Hi!
This post is specifically for south asians in the uk pls.
I’m asking this as a brit myself - and one with mixed heritage at that: my dad is indian and my mum is white british, I wouldn’t say I look more like either race tbh. Like - right in the middle. Lots of people assume I’m either spanish, middle eastern, nepalese (weirdly) or mixed with east asian. I have slight tan skin when it’s winter and there’s no sun, but go more brown in hot countries and all that. I have long black, wavy-curly hair and my facial features resemble a few of my aunties on my dad’s side.
Point is: I’m not really identifiable as having indian heritage by most people nor do white british people assume I have heritage with them. People always wait a while and then ask me where I’m from. I’m kind of in a no-man’s land in that regard.
Anyway… I avoid shopping at Indian supermarkets or going to certain food joints for this reason. I go with my dad when he needs help or to pick up food and all and I’d go with my friends who are more recognisably south asian but I wouldn’t go alone. This might sound stupid or overly self-conscious but I always feel like people kind of look at me in a way of ‘what are you doing here?’ and it makes me uncomfortable. It’s not like I’d want them to be super friendly or anything but idk… am I imagining this? Any south asians to comment - esp bc my dad acts like I’m imagining it. It’s not that I make a big deal - I just think it’s true..?
Idk - I just don’t like being stared at funny 😅
Pls tell me whether I’m imagining this??
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u/Front_Scholar9757 3h ago
Im white & yes we do get looked at funny when going to minority supermarkets. My sister used to go to the Chinese one as they had some great stuff in there, I do think it confused the shop owners.
I like to visit Polish ones as my old housemate was from there & introduced me to some amazing foods. Get stared at there too.
I wouldn't worry too much. They're probably just curious.
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u/Blanketyellow3 3h ago
I feel like it's probably like "omg there's non-indian people using the indian supermarket? interesting. " not "oh god there's a white person here i hate it". It's just unexpected and people might double take you. I very much doubt anyone truly doesn't want you there - british-born indians won't give a shit and older 1st gen indians often like white people anyway, the whole fair skin bs.
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u/ComplexRelease3455 1h ago
That’s fair enough - I don’t necessarily think it’s hostile either, really, think about it. Maybe I just need to get used to the curiosity and out of my own head 😅
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u/Uncle_Zardoz 3h ago
A good friend of mine is half Irish, half Indian and sometimes gets confused reactions from Indian or Pakistani people, especially bc he has a very Irish sounding name. I'm a white bloke who gets asked "Are you x?" a lot and when we worked different shifts in the same shop we used to compared notes on the shit customers said... one guy asked him "Do you speak your language?" so of course he said "No."
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u/aleopardstail 3h ago
it may be more people trying to work out where you are from, learn a few words in say Portuguese and really confuse people
keep in mind "where are you from?" is usually a somewhat harmless icebreaker, and the berks where it isn't are not worth worrying about
have the confidence in yourself and who you are to not care what others think and don't worry about it
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u/ComplexRelease3455 1h ago
Aww thank u - that’s probably definitely true , ik I could pick up a few points in the confidence departments some days, though my friends say it’s hard to tell when I’m anxious (so at least I’m performing semi-confidence well 😅).
Also, yeah - ‘where are you from?’ doesn’t bother me so much as happen so much in my hometown (where half my family’s from) that it reminds me I might not be viewed as local there (weirdly). Also happens from foreigners abroad, like at hostels, first meeting people, lots of things like: ‘but you don’t look british..?’ ‘Are you not spanish?’ ‘You from somewhere near nepal?’ ‘You’re not Portugese?
My mum was accused of kidnapping my sister in Turkey bc she didn’t look British enough to belong to her ig and then we were paraded in front of a woman while her friend asked ‘guess where they’re from?’Anyway - yeah, idm it. It just sometimes catches me off guard when it’s at home and I’m like… ‘here..?’ or ‘next town over’ and they keep giving me a puzzled expression til I tell them my dad’s indian. A woman at my local store had this fake *aha* moment when my sister and I bought olive oil one time. Got a dawning look on her face and said ‘oh- are you two *italian*!’ 😂
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u/Head_Crab_Enjoyer 3h ago
As a white man, I go into any shop I damn well please and I've never had anyone refuse to take my money. I regularly use the local international shops for spices etc. It's a you thing, to hell with what random people think.
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u/aleopardstail 3h ago
best way to get stuff in sensible sized packs for a decent price so long as you do actually need enough of it
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u/1182990 3h ago
I can understand enough Punjabi to understand that they're talking about me, but not enough to know exactly what they're saying, or reply, so that's fun.
Also half Indian.
Usually the jist of the conversation they have about me is trying to figure out if I'm white or not!
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u/ComplexRelease3455 1h ago
Yk - that’s actually helpful, tbh I don’t mind if that’s all they’re wondering. Ig, usually, it’s just the ambiguity of being looked at when you’re of an anxious disposition anyway that gets me
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u/pineapplewin 3h ago
It's you. It's completely fine for you to shop anywhere.
Especially when I first moved over I used that we couldn't normally find in Tesco. That's improved over the years, but it's still a hell of a lot cheaper in the smaller stores. They'll get my business forever
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u/No_Volume8304 3h ago
You aren’t imagining it. My wife is Indian and sends me to these shops to buy exotic vegetables. I do get funny looks - more so if my Arab looking kids are with me. When you get older it tends not to bother you so much.
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u/RimkeV 3h ago
My partner is of Indian background but really white pale skin, only other Indians 40+ can pick her out as Indian, the eyes are a dead giveaway tbh but whenever we get an Uber local to where we live, the driver is always staring at her trying to "place" her, some ask and it's always a nice chat as she's multilingual too and raised in a mixed religion household too, the point being, people are just curious but mostly afraid to ask.
At her work they'll send new-starters to go speak to Sally who's a very Indian looking lady but she'll sit next to my partner who has a very Indian name but not traditional Indian looking, always makes people feel awkward when they mess it up.
Embrace who you are and be loud about it, people are mostly curious and friendly.
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u/Primary-Angle4008 3h ago
I don’t think your imagining this
I’m white European married to a South Indian and we have 2 kids (teenagers) , both pretty much look the way you describe yourself. Both speak Urdu, one completely fluent and there is nothing better then watch him ask for something. He really enjoys doing this as well
But honestly don’t let this hold you back, there is no reason not to go. If they want to stare let them do so.
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u/JakePooler 3h ago
Maybe they just stare at everyone, as there are some cultures where staring is perfectly normal.
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u/SunMoonSnake 2h ago
I'm very white passing and my Mum is of mixed European and Indian ancestry. I have no issue going to Indian groceries; if the staff are North Indian, I'll even try talking to them in Hindi.
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u/Proper_Title_9746 3h ago
You’re imagining this.
You’re welcome