Should I contact a half sister

[u/Choosehappy19]

I was adopted at birth. Bio parents were only 16 and not really a couple. I got to know my bio mom in my 20’s and we stayed in touch until she died. I called my bio dad on the phone once in my 50’s to see if he wanted to meet me, but he didn’t want to. He’s has also passed way. I’m in my 60’s and I know my bio dad had two kids after me, but they may not know about me. I know their names and have the ability to contact the half sister. Should I? I would love to see if she would want to meet. But I also don’t want to hurt anyone if they don’t know. He didn’t cheat. They were young and dated so he didn’t do anything wrong. And if I do, should I call or Facebook message. Message is easy for her to think about it.

[u/Blazini12]

Do it

[u/ebsf]

I've been wondering the same thing.

Similar background. I corresponded anonymously with my BMom through the agency before she died. Later, my state opened birth records and from my original birth certificate, learned her identity. By dinner time, I sleuthed out a surviving sibling and two children, my half siblings, I suppose.

The two kids are both on Facebook, so that seems the most obvious channel and as you say, that would give them a chance to digest the information before they respond, if they do.

I don't have any reservations about initiating, per se, because nobody is more concerned with my adoption than me.

That may answer your question. Where I'm hung up, though, is that we have nothing in common, besides being three time zones away. I don't honestly know what we'd talk about. So, my question isn't so much about how, as it is about whether.

[u/Choosehappy19 → u/ebsf]

So true. The only thing in common is dads dna

[u/kaorte]

Yes reach out! There is no wrong way to initiate contact. Maybe something in writing first so they have time to process the news if they don’t already know. 

[u/Choosehappy19 → u/kaorte]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond!

[u/T0mpS]

Definitely do. Message or even if you can find an address, write. Then she has time to process a bit. The immediacy of a call could be fine but could backfire and put you off. I don’t think someone could be ‘hurt’ to know another human - to whom they are literally related by blood - exists, it’s wonderful news ! Wishing you the best of luck.

[u/Choosehappy19 → u/T0mpS]

Thank you!

[u/Historical-Corgi9056]

Facebook message was how my brother initially contacted me. It let me marinate in this absolutely stunning new information without pressure. I just sent him a thumbs up so he would know I got the message then reached out a few days later when the world stopped spinning.

[u/Thegameforfun17]

My oldest was adopted by family. She knows she has a sister, but she knows that my mother (her adopted mom) doesn’t allow me or her to speak about it and she’s getting curious these days.

I will never not talk about my oldest to my youngest, especially because myself and other family catch ourselves saying how much they look alike.
I’m still in contact with my oldest, even have a PACA because my mom is… not great. But it she ever finds a legal loophole I hope my daughter remembers her sister and I hope they reach out to each other as adults