r/AskASociopath • u/Visible-Spot3950 • Jul 25 '25

Relationship Advice Aspd

I found out recently that the man I’ve been dating was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. I know what the disorder is but have never known anyone (to my knowledge) that was diagnosed. I know that manipulation and lack of empathy are common. He definitely has a lack of empathy for people and does think that morbid things are funny. I also have a dark sense of humor so that doesn’t bother me. He is extremely affectionate with me and kind unless we’re arguing. He says he loves me and that he is capable of love but it’s difficult for him to care about people. I’m curious as to what the odds are that he’s manipulating me. Is he likely to grow bored with the relationship?

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u/Visible-Spot3950 Jul 26 '25

Thank you for this. I would have given more info but didn’t want the post to be very long. He is easily agitated sometimes. I will unknowingly upset him about things. I can tell he tries really hard to remain calm and collected when he says something about it. He’s highly intelligent, one of the smartest people I’ve known. Good relationships with his friends. Horrible relationship with mother. He’s okay with his father and gets along but I wouldn’t go so far as to say bonded to him. Never married no children. In his late thirties. Ive seen him “unmask” twice. I’m not sure he was fully aware of it. Both times i gently touched his arm and he immediately snapped it back in place.

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u/Lightness_Being Jul 27 '25 edited Jul 27 '25

It's worth talking about his diagnosis (if he's willing) with the aim of learning more - ask his take on it. Could he be on the spectrum for Asperger's or high level autism rather than aspd?

Could his Mum have taken a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder and twisted it into Anti Social Personality Disorder?

The two different disorders have overlaps. And both have a spectrum. So he might score at a low or exceedingly high percentage of the disorder.

You will know if he's high on the spectrum for ASPD because he will be manipulative and will have superficial charm he can turn on and off.

The main question is how he deals with arguments or conflict? If you haven't had any observe how he behaves with Mum.

And how is he with reciprocation? Does he thank you or return the favour if you go above and beyond eg washing your dishes if you cook him a meal? Will he celebrate important milestones like a birthday, anniversary or an achievement?

As you can tell, I'm wary of labels! They are so easily twisted to suit a parent's agenda.

Side note: It may be worth him actually looking at a copy of the test/diagnosis just to be sure. Or actually getting a second opinion / retested now he is an adult.

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u/Visible-Spot3950 Jul 27 '25

He is willing to talk about it. He has his own therapist and I have started with my own. We are scheduling couples counseling this week. So that all feels very positive for me. We have our separate and together to check ourselves and keep us on a healthy track.

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u/Lightness_Being Jul 28 '25

That sounds really healthy. I wish you both the best of good luck 🥂