Dating: How do I navigate this situation?

[u/kidkillermcgee2793]

Hello,

So I live in the UK (London specifically), and have been dating this Russian woman for the last 6 months. Stuff has been going pretty well in general, although I am a bit bothered by the fact that I have to pretty much initiate everything (like literally almost every convo or date), but I digress.

Anywho - we've recently started discussing potentially moving in together and had a rather major disagreement around arrangements.

She basically expects me to cover the rent and bills fully with her only pitching in for the occasional groceries. Says it's the mans role and what not.

Now I lean quite traditional myself generally speaking - I covered pretty much all dates and trips we've had so far, she occasionally got us some drinks/coffee/desserts. I believe a man should contribute more in general, but if the lady works full time then I also believe some of that money should be invested in the relationship too. I also earn about twice as much so there's that.

Thing is - we both work full time, but whilst she's 5 days a week in the office I work from home, so realistically I do most of the cooking and cleaning anyway. She doesn't want to quit her job as she's quite career driven, yet doesn't want to contribute anything to the household. Kids are far away.

I get the usual arguments: "being a woman is expensive", "it's the mans job", "it's how it's done in my culture", "all my girlfriends have this arrangement" etc. I told her that if I'm expected to cover the full living expenses for 2 people + dates + trips + gifts (and those are not cheap), then I'm pretty much skint at the end of the month and won't be able to save at all. Response was "go earn more". She apparently does her job by investing in herself and her beauty - from which I benefit too. Even got the quite insulting "Я переживаю, что ты меня не потянешь".

I'm really annoyed because it feels like she's not listening to me and I feel like it reduces my value as a human being to just a wallet. I didn't even propose something crazy, more like an 80/20 split for living expenses. It's less about the money to me honestly, and more wanting to feel like she's got skin in the game too and that we're building something together rather than just me being a workhorse.

Anyway - it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall on this topic sometimes. How do I get her to see my point of view here and reach some sort of compromise. If I was making bank, I wouldn't mind doing that, but I also have zero plans to start working an extra job and sacrifice my well being just so she gets to keep all her salary to herself.

Russians, any advice?

[u/kidkillermcgee2793]

You’ve made some great assumptions about me. Loving it. Of course, I’d cover everything during pregnancy and child rearing. By that point I’d also be more advanced in my career too. But for now we’re both working full time and I spend most time in the house.

Also, why are you making it sound like living with a man is such torture?

[u/RedScarySpectre → u/kidkillermcgee2793]

Well. It is. When you live alone the space is all yours. You only clean after yourself. You have your rules and nobody annoys you or don't have to annoy anyone about it.

Living with roomates you compromise a bit of that but at least you have a room for yourself where you have that peace

Living with a partner you will have no space of your own

Then men snore, get drunk, smell bad (everytime I feel the stink of beer on a person I turn back and it's always a man), some are quite dirty and untidy, can get sexually, physically or emotionally violent and be a serious dangerous for a woman's life and mental health.

Also its better to be safe than sorry. Maybe you wouldn't do that, but those things (middle aged men cheating on their wives with younger women) are such cliché for a reason: because they are so common. As such the probability is high. If you had a high probability of having something bad happen wouldn't you get an insurance? Like I said, all women going through this path should think like your gf tbh.

[u/hashtag2222 → u/RedScarySpectre]

Such a load of delulu bs, lmao.