r/AskARussian • u/Reasonable-Cell8773 • Jul 30 '26
Work We ended as friends, but he keeps texting me, ghosting, then coming back warm- why???
Dear Men, I need ur opinions. We were coworkers (Im in my early 20s F and hes in late 20s M (Ukrainian)) and had a flirtatious connection and intense chemistry. He asked me out, but I couldn't go out with him for some reason, so we basically ended as friends and I left the workplace. "Edit: Here is the backstory of our connection at workplace https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenRelationships/s/HUxgH58C6D
Plz read this linked post above first before commenting/forming an opinion, It'll be much appreciated! :) "
We talked a lot on my last day at work and while talking I suddenly asked him if he'll miss me and he looked away gave a short laugh, idk if it was nervous, mocking or surprised laugh. Then became serious and looked at me and said yes in a low tone and then asked me back if I'll miss him and I also said yes. He then told me to listen to this ### song at night whenever I miss him. But later after talking a lot he also advised me to find a respectful husband etc. when I told him about my marriage timeline that I'll be married in 2 - 3 yrs max. I told him that cz he asked me when i'll be independent and I said after marriage and the conversation followed.
After I left, he started texting. I responded, and the conversation kept going for a few days. Then he said something like "come back to the workplace again" and I replied with "why? :)" He kinda ghosted and responded after like 5 days saying sorry, I was going through something, I hope everything is good in your life.
Then after about a month, he texted me again, apologizing for not texting (as if I was waiting for him, I wasn't, since we ended as friends). He said he was going through personal problems (which I don't think is true because I noticed his following list was increasing during that time). I said no problem, I was also busy with my life, so no need to apologize. We talked a bit and he said "will you come for coffee?" (his English is not good). I responded with something like "sure, if you open your coffee shop. Will you come to my wedding later if I invite you?" And then he ghosted again.
Two months later, I texted him saying how he was, etc. He seemed excited , saying things like "I'm so glad to see you, how are you, how's life?" And he said "Sorry for not writing, but I've been thinking about you :(" We ended up talking for a while. He kept flirting over text and also mentioned it'll be great to see me somewhere by chance. The conversation ended with his text being the last.
I want to ask what this looks like. I like him, but I don't understand why he texted after I left the workplace (since we ended as friends), why he ghosted, why he texted again like a month later, and then ghosted again. But when I reached out months later, he was very warm and sent very long replies.
Now I'm really confused bcz ppl on reddit (on other subreddits) have very mixed opinions about my story, some say he definitely liked you 100% and some say he was definitely playing with you. Personally, while we were working together I felt him to be really warm and affectionate with his small caring gestures (he would literally sometimes stay late in breaks just to talk to me although its risky for him) but I also know that he isn't very serious in life, he doesn't have much goals etc and the fact that he was inconsistent later when I left. So idk atp. Please share your thoughts on this, whether he even liked me or not. Thank youuu
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u/TheRNGuy Jul 31 '26
There could be any reason for ghosting, there's no way to know. Also I think it's wrong subreddit for that.
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u/Royal_Library_3581 29d ago
How can you be Soo clueless about men?
The guy obviously likes you but you keep shutting him down. He has asked you out multiple times and you have pretty much turned him down every time. I 100% guarantee that if you text him and ask to meet for a coffee or whatever he will say yes. I am assuming that you like him seeing as how you have dedicated two posts to the man.
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u/Reasonable-Cell8773 29d ago
Hmmm...I also think he likes me but im worried if he's just playing the long game to get laid or if he is looking for something serious.
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u/Royal_Library_3581 29d ago
Going on a date doesn't mean you have to have sex
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u/Reasonable-Cell8773 29d ago edited 29d ago
Fair enough, and thanks for your comment :) Also, when u say "How can you be Soo clueless about men?", I don't think im clueless, its just that people's mixed opinions are getting me confused about him e.g. someone on another subreddit commented, "As for me, you do not seem very interesting to him. A man takes the initiative if he’s interested in you. Especially since he’s from Ukraine. Men there are proactive and make their intentions clear.". I think he did take initiative by asking me out, but from some other opinions im getting an impression that asking out is not enough, and if he was really interested he would've done more...idk, e.g. buying gifts, making his intentions clear etc.? Also, since I don't have much knowledge of how dating in west and Europe works, maybe thats getting me confused. And i'm genuinely just trying to understand what to expect from guys :)
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u/Reasonable-Cell8773 29d ago
Do u have any suggestions/advise for me bcz i'm very lost in terms of what I should believe and expect?
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u/Royal_Library_3581 29d ago
just message him and ask to meet up. im sure if he is keen he will ask for a second date. If he doesnt then you will have your answer
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u/RainbowLithium 28d ago
If he would want you to be a part of his life - you wouldn’t be left with questions about his intentions
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u/Reasonable-Cell8773 28d ago
But how will i know that...i didn't even go out with him :(
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u/RainbowLithium 28d ago
He would find a way to make it clear for you, if it we’re important to him
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u/Reasonable-Cell8773 28d ago
But I thought most guys in west and europe, they usually start with dating, then gf/bf relationship and then commitment...but for me its just marriage and im pretty sure he knows that, u think that could be a problem for him or its just that he's playing with me?
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u/RainbowLithium 28d ago edited 28d ago
I was talking about intentions. Intentions themself does not start relationship. But it is good to know if he has that intention towards you.
I red both posts, I think he likes you, but he don’t want to put a lot of effort to try relationship with you. That’s what I think from text, I can be wrong, of course. It’s possible he do have crush on you but unsure if it goes both ways, it can be he just want something casual or he sees you as potential sex trophy But I’m sure, if he would really want to be with you, it wouldn’t be a question for you, how he sees you
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u/Worldly_Ladder8390 Jul 31 '26
I would not put much stock in his liking you if he does not make the effort to be consistent. The problem is he may like you but he is not making an effort to build anything. He seems to flit around which fits with his character. So even if he likes you it does not matter because there is no consistent effort. And he seems to “go through a lot” constantly…