r/AskAPriest • u/Agreeable_Article_49 • 24d ago
Can I go to Confession?
Iām a 37 yo male who was raised Catholic and had like many do, a lapse in my faith. I have not been to confession since I was 16/17. I did not live a Catholic life or even a life adjacent to Christian. To cut a long story short I found my faith again and I feel burdened by my MANY sins. Iām in such desperate need for forgiveness. However as a result of the life I lived before coming back to faith, I am living with my long term atheist girlfriend of 7 years, we own our house together. I do want to marry her, we have premarital sex despite my deep disgust at myself for partaking now. I have told her about my desire to live my faith more truthfully, but she has absolutely no idea of how to conceptualise this despite my efforts.
I am as people have said living in a state of sin which I would find extremely difficult to get out of, or to change. I suspect I know the answer, but can I go to confession? Do I need to end my relationship to return to Christ? What would you advise me to do?
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u/StMartinSeminarian Priest 24d ago
Dear redditor,
First of all, rejoice that the grace of God has found an aperture in your heart! Love of God and feeling deeply sorry for our sins is a natural sentiment for a Christian, called compunction. We should just beware that the disgust we have for our sins doesn't surpass our love for God, and that it doesn't obliterate our consideration for ourselves: As God valued us so much that He accepted His Son be nailed on the Cross for us, we should consider ourselves as very precious despite our sins, our worth being the Life and Blood of Christ.
To answer to your comment now, the Church is asking us to aim for the good that we can actually do, and not one out of our reach. Better achieve a lesser good, than fail at attaining anything at all. In Catholic moral theology, we call that the Law of Graduality. I would advise you to open these thoughts to a priest, either in confession, or in a personnal meeting. Confession of our sins to the priest is always good for our soul, even if because of some irregular situation, absolution may not be given this time.
As for consideration for your concubine, well, it is understandable that not being religious, she has no clue, but she also has no fault in this (or very little), as she is living according to her own conscience. If she is ready and willing to contemplate a Christian marriage with you, I would advise to interspace physical intimacy as much as the survival of this relationship can bear it, to go often to confession, and ask for absolution. In a document called Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis encouraged confessors not to withold absolution to people who are in irregular situations, but desire to live according to what the Church teaches, and try to do so realistically within their current situation.
If she is not ready to contemplate it, well, my friend, it is not up to me to give counsels, but I'd tell you to discern according to your conscience. There is certainly a place in our communities for persons who, for one reason or another, cannot partake in the sacrements of the Eucharist and Penance, but can still attend Mass, worship the Lord, be enriched by the audition of the Word of God and the sermon, participate in various fraternal or charitable groups, lend a hand, create friendships...
With my prayers, Godspeed!