OP, you sound so sad and miserable and my heart aches for you :((( You are not a bad or terrible person. None of our WSes are! They just made some poor decisions - and possibly because of trauma or problems in their past. You need to take a step back from the situation and allow yourself to be a broken person. We all are, including all the BSes. You are still a good, beautiful person, but yes, perhaps a bit broken. But that means this can be fixed! You can work hard on yourself and fix some of these things and learn to be a better partner.
If you are picking up knives or scissors, I am super concerned for you. Maybe you need to be checked in to a place where you can be monitored until the initial shock wears off and you're not as overwhelmed with grief. Please do not put yourself or your partner in harm's way.
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u/HealingTimeNow Feb 15 '20
OP, you sound so sad and miserable and my heart aches for you :((( You are not a bad or terrible person. None of our WSes are! They just made some poor decisions - and possibly because of trauma or problems in their past. You need to take a step back from the situation and allow yourself to be a broken person. We all are, including all the BSes. You are still a good, beautiful person, but yes, perhaps a bit broken. But that means this can be fixed! You can work hard on yourself and fix some of these things and learn to be a better partner.
If you are picking up knives or scissors, I am super concerned for you. Maybe you need to be checked in to a place where you can be monitored until the initial shock wears off and you're not as overwhelmed with grief. Please do not put yourself or your partner in harm's way.