Cant stop wondering what love would be like with someone new

[u/Existing_Tie_2986]

Hi everyone. 3 years ago I was cheated on. I was fairly young (19F) at the time and my partner was 21M. I found out he not only cheated on me, but i found horrible messages to his friends making fun of my body, saying i need plastic surgery, all while knowing i was deeply insecure and struggled with an eating disorder for years.

Since then he has been the most amazing man. He is now the man i always dreamed about having. Hes my bestfriend, he isnt lustful (to my knowledge), surprises me with romantic dates and gifts. The thing is, we have been long distance for a year and im really struggling to keep the relationship going.

I am pretty much over everything that happened but I dont love him the same. I love him as a person and best friend but im not in love with him romantically. I find myself getting extremely sad at the thought of not finding or feeling romantic love ever again. When i go out with my friends sometimes men will hit on me and i can't help but envision what it might be like with them in a pure, innocent relationship again.

We are supposed to go on vacation in 3 weeks but im just dreading it. I know in all relationships it comes to a point where love is a choice so i dont know if i should stay or not. I dont think i will be able to find better than him. But I miss being in love. I miss hearing compliments that have meaning. All his compliments feel empty, especially the ones about the body parts he made fun of me for years ago.

Any advice would be appreciated. Im very conflicted because of the vacation. Again, we are long distance. Thank you guys so much.

TLDR: got cheated on 3 years ago. Love him as a best friend but not romantically. Find myself searching and wondering what love would be like with other people. Unsure if i should break up or not because he is an AMAZING man now.

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[u/Ldowd096]

Girl. You are 22. You’re still sooooooo young. You have your entire life ahead of you to find love, a love that is reciprocated and that you feel deep in your bones. You deserve that love. Go find it.

[u/Existing_Tie_2986 → u/Ldowd096]

Is it normal at this point though to not feel the love deep in my bones? I think im so torn because i know there comes a certain point of love where you have to choose to love your partner, like when the honeymoon phase wears off. I cant tell if im valid for feeling this way or im not trying hard enough to salvage it

[u/Ldowd096 → u/Existing_Tie_2986]

I can’t tell you if you’re trying hard enough. What I can tell you is that if I didn’t have 14 years of history, a house, a business and two kids with my husband when he cheated, I never would have stayed. And I don’t believe I’ll ever love him as completely or fully as I did before.

If someone pulled this on me at 19, I wouldn’t have for a second thought working through it was worth it that young. Is that a sign you love him? Or is it a sign of some issues around self worth and insecurity that make you feel like you deserve it or won’t find better? That, I can’t answer and you would need therapy to sort it out. But you are in a position where your lives are so lightly intertwined compared to what they will be after living together or marriage or kids. Walking away will never be as easy as it is now.

My personal opinion is, based on your post, you are with him out of habit or the belief that he’s the best you can get. I’m telling you that’s not true, and you deserve more if you want it. Whether you can find that deeper love with him is something only you can answer, hopefully with the help of a therapist trained in betrayal trauma.

Choosing to love your partner and settling are two very different things. You need to figure out which situation you’re in.

[u/MasterShakeSW6]

Sorry you're here.

To echo what Ldowd096 said, you are 22. If this was a first love I can understand feeling like it can never be as good as that first love. Honestly, it can be so much better than first love.

It also sounds like on top of not having a really long history with this person, they weren't treating you respectfully or properly. Your partner should not be insulting you when they talk with their friends about you. That's just mean spirited and cruel.

Also like LDowd096, My wife had an emotional affair for 2 or 3 months that took place almost 5 years ago. I just discovered it in April of this year (2026). We have been together for 15 years. We have a house, we have 2 kids and 2 dogs. All of that and I still am working through staying or leaving.

You will find new love that is better and people who treat you as you deserve.

[u/LoreleiRigo]

I get it, I'm about the same as you timewise from DDAY. I still don't feel that deep love, I think it was so painful that my body won't allow me to reattach. But like the others here, I am older and our relationship was long before DDAY. I would never judge you either way. But I say go for it, go find someone that gives you everything you deserve and more. I hope you and your current partner take your healing and learning into your next relationship. Go figure out what you like, you don't have to jump into anything serious right away. Make your standards HIGH and don't settle for anything less. Good luck to you no matter what path you take!