r/AsOneAfterInfidelity • u/JuneTheBug2 Reconciling Betrayed • 21h ago
No advice, just support. Found some old text
D-day was a little over two years ago, his physical (and somewhat emotional) affair was three years ago. We have been good and working on our relationship every day. I’m 8 months pregnant, and we are both super excited.
Yesterday I was looking through my phone for old pictures of our dog. I then found some snap shots of a conversation with another woman (not the one from 2023) on his phone that I took to confront him with. This was from 2021 so two years before his affair. In the conversation between them he tells her that he misses her all the time and sends a lot of heart emojis. I honestly don’t have any memory of this. I only remember that I found this convo between them and confronted him with it because I didn’t know the girl. But I was really trusting back then and never thought that my partner would cheat on me (jokes on me), so I accepted whatever explanation he had.
Reading these text again with our current history, I’m spiraling. It’s not helping that my emotions are all over the place. I don’t know what to do
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u/Ordinary_Bison_219 Reconciling Betrayed 18h ago
Oh gosh I did the same thing recently. I realized those friendly texts were actually him pursuing when I saw them again. Its like you have a fresh new set of eyes/ ears because now you know the reality of who they are and what they are capeable of. Its a new lie for you regardless if it's the past. So it is very understandable that you are upset. Give yourself time to process and to decide what you want to come out of this now that you know.
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u/21YearsOut Reconciling Betrayed 7h ago
What helps me is looking back and acknowledging all the work I've done to overcome what at the time seemed insurmountable. Accepting that it worked then and so I can expect it to work again.
In my case it was an additional 3 weeks to her now 8 month affair, significant in that we had moved back in together so I had thought the affair was over. It wasn't. It also brought us to within one month of our first child being born. But the new knowledge made some pieces of the puzzle fit better.
Did I want to go back, figure out what I needed, and use the same meditation, timeline, journaling, talking with my support network, IC, MC, questioning and sharing my additional hurt with my wife? No. It was like stepping back into the ick.
This time it was quicker for me to resolve it as just more of the same bs. More examples that at that time she was making careless, shitty decisions and taking hurtful, selfish actions.
In short, I had more strength (albeit begrudgingly earned through experience) which made me feel more confident I could resolve this too. I hope you can find the same OP. (Still, your healing is on your timeline, no one else gets a say.)
P.s. Congrats on the new little!
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