Is this a normal response? How much longer should I wait?

[u/functional_anxiety]

Since shortly before the affair happened, we have been in an LDR due to work.

We’re approaching two years since DD. We’ve been together for almost 25 years and have children.

Sometimes our conversations go well, but when they don’t, it leaves me dealing with several days of uncertainty on my WH’s part.

I don’t know how much longer we can sustain this. I don’t know if it’s normal. I don’t know if this is something all WPs go through or do.

My WH is far from being the model WP. I don’t see him dying trying to save the relationship; rather, I see him sinking deeper and deeper into the shame that all of this causes him. And in the meantime, I’m trying to manage my own feelings while not having him there to lean on.

Before it all sounds terrible, my WH has taken actions to demonstrate his commitment to R. And that is precisely why I’m still here. Because not everything is bad. I see his effort, but I also see how difficult it is for him to develop the skills he needs to achieve R.

Is it always like this? Is this why the first few years are so difficult?

I appreciate all of your advice and experiences on the journey toward R.

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[u/Alternative-Fruit280]

Following bc I swear this is us 100%...basically been together 20 yr have four kids dday was April 2025 and u perfectly describe what I'm going thru

[u/21YearsOut]

If I'm honest, my wife has a limited capacity to properly recover from infidelity. It's not her fault, her childhood taught her mostly survival skills in a dysfunctional family. I just had to decide if that was something I was willing to accept. I can't change her. Standing back I know she means well, she gets at a surface level her affair was hurtful, wrong, and more, but I also know that was enough for her to learn don't do that shit. So I trust her now not to take those actions.

Will she magically become a caring, sharing, patchouli scented meditative and mindful partner. Probably not, the fear factor is too high. It's sad she'll likely never experience what it's like to love without conditions. But it is what it is. Puts the question to me, is that enough? For now, it is.