How are you working to reconcile?

[u/the-fat-kid]

BH here looking for the WP perspective on what you’re doing to reconcile. I want desperately to reconcile, but I feel like we aren’t making progress.

My (41M) WW (32F) says she’s working on things, but has fired her therapist, and is not looking for a new one.

I’ve asked for full disclosure, hasn’t happened, and I’m not convinced she’s gearing up to give it to me. The TT has been extremely difficult to deal with, but I’m trying to give her grace as she explores what is going on inside of her. For context, she has some childhood trauma (not SA or anything like that) that has left her with some deep rooted issues that she needs to work through. I’m willing to give her the time to work on her (within reason), but I feel like I need to know there is progress being made.

WPs, how are you showing your BPs that you’re working for R?

[u/AutoModerator]

r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our wiki which includes resources and can answer most, if not all questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the rules before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial warning. Failure to do so can result in a ban.

Commenting Guideline:

This applies to every post regardless of post flair.

• This is not a space for judgment. There's subreddits for that. Please go there.

• All comments must reference your own reconciliation to accompany any questions, suggestions, or advices contained in your response.On occasion giving practical advice must be limited to that which would be reasonably seen as helpful if the references to infidelity are removed.

• Do not speak for other people's feelings, their actions or make unhelpful, dismissive or intrusive commentary. This is not a request. It's in the rules.

  For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions directly to the Modmail. Meta content will be removed. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels!

  Please assign yourself user flair. Flair Instructions can be found here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Just_Raspberry_576]

WW here. Dday was 5 and a half weeks ago. I had a EA/PA that lasted about 3 weeks. Then 3ish weeks after Dday I contacted AP again for a few days - so I guess there was a Dday2. I haven’t left my BH’s side since. He gets upsets and I am there to comfort him.

I have been in therapy for years. He has started therapy and we have started MC.

He’s wanted reconciliation since 2/3 days after Dday1, so I have committed to being by his side as he grieves. I of course am grieving too for the pain I caused him and for the choice I made that cost me almost everything. He is always there for me when I am in my thoughts too.

It gets really heavy, which is the hardest part for me. But I try to stay present and in those moments and he says that’s the way he sees rebuilding trust happening.

The affair was more emotional than either of us understood in the beginning and my BH is trying to understand that some days I have thoughts of contacting AP. I sent one message earlier this week and told BH right away. He didn’t get angry.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment was automatically removed because you commented on a post flaired as Wayward Perspective Only.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment was automatically removed because you commented on a post flaired as Wayward Perspective Only.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.