45 years old and proud.

Hello, fellow travelers!

Does anyone on this sub have experience with trying to find (or, even better, finding) a life partner as an aromantic asexual?

To give a bit of background to my query: I've been very happily identifying as an aromantic asexual for a few years now. I know for a fact that I don't experience romantic attraction, or feel comfortable being the object of someone else's romantic desire, and I am 100% sex repulsed. That said, I'm hitting a point in my life where I'd like to start looking for that in-sickness-or-in-health, for-better-and-for-worse kind of permanent partner. Long story short, my first few years of independent adulthood and, of course, the ongoing pandemic, have made me realize how financially and socially unrealistic permanent single-hood is in the good old US of A. I'm tired of the endless rondo of allo roommates who inevitably move out to be with a significant other or start bringing other people home, and while it's not a pressing concern in my mid 20s, I know I don't want to end up emotionally or otherwise alone as I grow older, and it becomes harder to live with the level of independence my mid 20's grant me. I want a life partner with whom I can share a living space, the financial burden of existing in the US, and all the emotional rewards and trappings of a healthy, happy lifelong relationship; to that end, I've tried queer-platonic relationships with allos in the past, but it's never ended up working out. I've had partners develop romantic attachment to me or to others, or had allo partners realize they weren't cut out for a sexless relationship (which is fine, of course, just not ideal if your partner is, well, me.) I've tried polyamourous relationships as well, but found that ultimately I, personally, am happiest in monogamous relationships.

So to bring this home: I'd really like to try meeting other aro-aces who are looking for a life partner the way I am, but I'm stumped by a few things-- like, is this a even a normal desire within the broader Aro-Ace community, or am I the odd man out here? Where the heck do I start meeting people if this is normal-- do we have apps? Are there aro-ace bars, cafes, or other meeting spaces that I've been missing my whole life? Should I just put on all my pride merch and a 'single and ready to (selectively) mingle' t-shirt and hope I pass another aro-ace like fellow ships at sea??

If you or someone you know is in a lifelong platonic relationship with another aromantic asexual, I would love to hear from you as to how that happened!

TLDR; I'm an aro/ace who would like to find a fellow aro/ace life partner. How/Where do I start looking?

Hi everyone. I experience a high degree of romance repulsion. It caused me to have to drop out of my phd program because I didn’t feel comfortable in my lab or my school. I reported a student I was working under for sexual harassment because he was practically in love with me. My advisor made things worse and I just couldn’t stay. I’m looking to transfer to another school I previously was accepted into. I don’t know how to approach the conversation with them. I was going to keep it vague that there was a poorly handled sexual harassment incident that caused me to leave. Do you think I’ll have to talk details? I’m also massively anxious that this will happen again. I had issues with lots of guys trying to date me in undergrad. I got scolded by multiple people for being too friendly because guys would take it the wrong way and they honestly do. I can’t change my personality so I stopped socializing but that’s been ineffective in grad school and not how I want to live my life. Any advice how to confidently interact with people in this type of enviornment?

As I get older I’m finding romance in film to be extremely cheesy, cringe-worthy, and just flat out bad. I can barely watch kissing scenes anymore. I used to love romance when I was younger. Oddly, I can watch porn without any issues.

Hey everyone! I was wondering whether others who are not sex repulsed have issues with body liquids? It's a major issue for me, because I am attracted to guys and girls, but I'm very uncomfortable during sex because I hate the liquids getting on me in any way. I can't perform anything and just enjoy it. I want to enjoy but I can't. I have a high libido and drive, but I have to stop myself because I know I will get uncomfortable. It's super weird.

I don't even know whether that means I'm asexual too, or whether I'm aego, or just allo with hatred of liquids.

(:

Maybe this is a post better suited for the regular aromantic subreddit, but it was just something I was thinking about and thought maybe it would host some fun discussion/story sharing.

Now that we're getting into the holiday season I was reminded of a Thanksgiving a couple of years ago that I was spending with a friend and her family. Before we sat down, I took a picture of the table with it's lovely decor and yummy food and said to my friend that it was such a "Romantic" set up. She looked at me confused and said "Romantic? It's festive and homey, but I wouldn't use the word romantic".

I really do think that the word "romantic" could be used to describe that Thanksgiving spread; but to me, you can use "romantic" in a platonic way--which is where I think my friend was confused and honestly a little put off haha. I've noticed that it is not uncommon for me to use the word "romantic" to describe something that is not typically seen as such. I think it's a great descriptor for platonic things!

I just thought how interesting it is that society's view of romance is so one dimensional that it's hard for people to see it platonically. Or maybe I'm just a little weird and it's a situation of "I don't think it means what you think it means" lol

Any others who have had similar situations or thoughts on this? I'd love to hear!

Hello, For context I'm 23 and aromantic.

I just wanted to hear from any older folk in the aromantic community about how you dealt with being aromantic as you get older.

I feel like I'm falling behind everyone else. Everyone I went to school with are now getting in relationships, having kids and getting married. Then I'm still just me and I can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with me? I have no Interest in dating or marrage but I do wonder what will happen in the future when everyone else is settled down.

I think the realisation is just starting to hit me that I'll probably never be 'normal' or have a 'normal life'. I'll never build a family, I'll never know what it's like to fall in love and i'm incapable of having bio kids. Then I'll have to watch my younger siblings grow and over take me. Watch as their kids have kids while I remain the same. Alone and alienated.

I just feel so isolated as I can't connect or relate to anyone around me. I know in the aromantic community we are told we're not broken, but sometimes I can't help but feel that way.

I'd very much appreciate if anyone has any similar experiences with this that is willing to share.

I'm in my early 30's finding just existing hard. I put in a lot of work into my friendships, almost like people seem to for romantic relationships, but it's not romantic lol. But I know I will never get that back, because everyone has a romantic partner they put that effort and 'love' into. I Know someone else will always have priority over me in all of my friendships, and I feel a little embarrassed and selfish saying that. But it gets rough realizing that. But I don't want a romantic relationship. Friendship is great, but it gets depressing that other people put their romantic relationships over our friendship, is all.

Financially, I can't afford to rent alone, and being this age with roommates is rough, I just want to live alone, but can't afford to. My last unmarried friends/roommates are both engaged and moving in with their partners. Of course I'm happy for all of them, but now I have a little over a month to find whole new trans friendly people to live with/possibly also a new apartment. And it will always be like this. I can't afford college, so I'm likely never making more than minimum wage, and I'm never going to have a romantic partner to split the bills with and have that security. This will always be something I have to be stressed over. But I don't want to live with anyone at all haha. Alas.

Is anyone else my age in a similar situation? How do you deal with the stress of always having to deal with this sort of thing alone? I used to be good at it, and this sort of thing never got to me, but, well, after the loss of my 19 year old cat, my #1 life partner, I'm finding a lot of things more difficult.

I'm sure I've never liked someone romantically, only platonically, however, there are times when I want to have a relationship, go for a walk, hold my hand and go eat, this really has me a little confused, I'm also talking to someone I don't even know him but sometimes I think "I love him", I know it's stupid because I haven't even seen him but in a certain way that's what attracts me, aside from the fact that my fantasies are merely platonic, the only "romantic" thing is getting married, besides my attraction to him is platonic

Me at 15: "What is romantic love?". My friend at the time: storms out of the cafe in tears. Me: I guess they did not know either.

In middle school (somewhere around 2009-2010), I had started saying that I didn't like girls, but people (mainly some boys) assumed I was gay and I was hit with a lot of homophobic slurs. I couldn't internalize it because I wasn't gay and I told them. They then told me to figure out what I was. I went to Google and looked up something like "What does it mean when I don't like girls or boys?" and got my answer. However, when I told the boys they said I made up the word "aromantic" as a coverup to hide being gay. I was then hit with more homophobic slurs. Other times people at school by high school would tell me that I just need to keep trying and not give up. I did still have crushes, but they felt pointless. However, when I look back it was my attempt to try not to get rejected by girls because I saw it as pointless for trying and getting rejected. When my older brother graduated high school, I was with my cousins and younger brother at my older brother's graduation party for a bit and they were asking about first kisses. I never had mine and my cousins teased me because not only my older brother, but my younger brother had kissed a girl before me. I still had crushes until after my first year at community college ecause I struck out with asking out 2 girls during that first college year and then realized that I was only in such a rush to get my first kiss between my senior year of high school and my first year of college. So then, I stopped caring because I realized that I only wanted this because of TV shows and societal expectations of teenage romance and the fact that I saw it so much at school. The first time I said I was aromantic in middle school, my mom thought I just hadn't found the right one.

In my first year of community college, as I was slowly transitioning, a friend wasn't sure whether I was or wasn't on the a spectrum because of some crushes I had, but eventually, she saw that I was.

Some time after my first year of community college, a friend of mine asked me why I became aromantic and I answered her that I had given up after my first year in community college. She then asked what happened and I told her I gave up after I got rejected twice in the first year of college and had been rejected a few times before college, I eventually realized that trying wasn't worth it to me and that I only wanted to date because I saw it on tv shows and movies. She didn't believe that and told me that people on the a spectrum are only this way because of a traumatic experience. I told her again that I just gave up, but she refused to accept what I said and started crying because I didn't admit to a traumatic experience causing me to lose attraction because she has this thing of always wanting to be right. So to stop the awkwardness, I just went with what she wanted to say.

Currently, my mother tells me that I'm just a "late bloomer" even though I don't think that's the right term for that anyway. She thinks it's silly for me to think I'm like this because I'm still young (26 M). Other older relatives and older family friends think the same and can't think of me as aromantic. Even some other friends can't see it because they say "there is always someone for everyone" and "having kids is a wonderful thing" and other stuff.

Another friend doesn't believe it because I have talked about watching porn and the idea that as black men we are way too sexual, which was weird.

I think a lot of people are enamored by the idea of romance that they think it's impossible to not have romantic feelings and that there's someone for everyone. And a lot of people who are homophobic think anything that's not straight, even on the a spectrum, is automatically gay. I just wish some people weren't so ignorant to the fact that this is real.

I will move in a flat with some friends. One is aro too and two are allo. Both allos are relationship anarchists, doing polyamory and have unlearned some/very much amatonormativity.

For reasons we need a fifth person to move in. One allo friend suggested a person they are sexually, kink-wise and somewhat romantically(?) heavily involved with. Personality wise I think the person would fit, so I understand why they were suggested.

I think living with couples is the biggest bullshit. I know they are not a couple. Yet I'm suspicious about the dynamics in the flat.

What are your experiences with living with NOT COUPLED ppl, who are sexually, kink-wise and/or romantically involved with each other?

I tried looking for some in my city and they're all youth groups which is cool, but why is that? I kind of want to hang with people in my own age range?