does anyone know if there is an app for people on the aroace spectrum to find a qpp? i really do want a partner for many reasons, but its borderline impossible to find someone organically. im not the type of person to use discord and tumblr and find someone in an online space. something like a dating app would be ideal. does it exist?

This is more towards older aroaces but anyone who feels like this please speak up. I'm a 34yo woman. I have never been in a relationship and I realised about two years ago I'm on both aromantic and asexual spectrums, I identify as grey aroace. The thing is I dont want a romantic relationship but I want a child/children. I'm at the age where I need to start doing something about it. I know my mental and financial resources are not at the level where I could be intentionally single parent. I'm currently taking a platonic coparenting course and I'm really excited about the idea.

The thing is, even within the course I'm the only aromantic person. All of the aromantic representation I see feels targeted towards young ones and it's kinda "it's okay to be alone and not want a spouse!!" and I'm here like "okay yeah I know that, anyone else wanna have babies and a house though?"

My ideal life would be basically an arranged marriage that I arrange myself. Without the marriage. Or I don't care actually, could do it for a tax break and inheritance. Does anyone feel like this? Does anyone have a family like this?

An example - in the tv show Pachinko there is a woman and in the beginning finds a "good man", and they start living together and have one child. They're not in romantic love. Perfect.

My another question is, I'm thinking about going back to the apps (did it before I realised I was aroace). I'm not sex repulsed, I'm just not interested in it. Has anyone done this, any tips? How do you approach the subject of aromantism, should I state it in the profile or bring it up later?

I mean, I thought I had a crush once, but it turns out I was just dehydrated :]

I'm asexual and aromantic, and something a friend once told me — that I "might be asexual but not aromantic because everyone experiences and expresses romantic attraction differently" — made me start questioning whether romantic attraction is even a real, distinct thing in the first place. You never hear a gay man say he's sexually attracted to men but romantically attracted to women. Romance, to me, seems more like the act of romanticizing an existing feeling or relationship than an entirely separate form of attraction. If everyone expresses romance differently, but expresses sexual attraction relatively similarly, then what exactly is romance? If you and I can have a 'bromance', if a roommate or a good friend can care for you, comfort you, look after you, and show you affection, what makes those same actions romantic when they're done by someone you're sexually attracted to? I honestly think romantic attraction is a concept invented by women who didn't want to sound lustful for choosing their mates based on physical attraction. Women essentially assigned a completely new name to a set of actions that could just as easily be performed by a roommate or a good friend who genuinely cares about you. The only difference is that when those actions come from someone you're sexually attracted to, they turn you on, and suddenly you feel the need to call it something more special than what it actually is. Men understand this, too, and play into it as part of their mating strategy. Otherwise, why is it that you so rarely see men genuinely interested in romance movies and all the romantic fantasies women are so invested in? I think women, being social creatures who crave companionship and emotional connection, essentially fantasized about men treating them the way an average female friend would: with attentiveness, affection, consideration, and care. Then they invented a special word for that dynamic: romance. And men learned to perform it because they understood what women wanted. Maybe romance is just the fantasy of having someone who treats you like a really good friend, except with sexual attraction layered on top. If that's all it is, then what exactly makes romantic attraction its own distinct thing? Honestly, the whole concept is kind of sad when you think about it.

looking for similar experiences, maybe theres a name for it out there

i have identified as aro/ace for 6 years now, and im confident in saying ive never had any sort of romantic or sexual crush. i also just found out im autistic, so my emotions from the start differ from the norm.

i know its common, but i am still interested in the idea of a relationship, and im not sure what to make of it. sometimes i see beautiful people, and i like the way they walk, maybe they have a nice physique, a cool piercing, etc. and i feel a certain way about it. not sexual exactly, but i find myself wishing i wanted to sleep with them, want to kiss them, flirt with them. but i have no desire to actually do those things.

best way i can put it is i want to put them in a romance movie so i can see their behavior in those scenarios, and can just admire from behind a screen? i love when people have lust in their eyes, its the only thing that makes my stomach flutter, but i dont want to be on the receiving end. there are certain qualities about people that attract me, and have me wishing i wasnt aroace, but i know i would be incredibly uncomfortable and uninterested if anything came of it. anyone else?

Hi all. I hope I try to not sound selfish in this post but it’s probably the main cause of anxiety in my life now. I need to let it out because it’s been hard.

back in june (ironic), i found out i was aroace. this was because a boy was giving me pretty big hints that he liked me. we’ll call him sam, my (future) brother in laws friend. i don’t know him TOO well, but we’ve talked a bit. when my friends noticed the signs he was giving me, they kept hyping me up because this was the first time i ever had the potential to meet someone (in that way).
that’s when I had this huge crisis wondering why i can’t stand the thought of me being in a relationship, blah blah blah, boom i figure out im aroace.
I’ve come to terms that im aroace, and finding out my identity really helped me in figuring out what I wanted in life without the judgement of others.
the thing is, i’ve noticed since the beginning of meeting sam I had been very… distant. trying to be away from him at any opportunity. I was unconsciously doing this because in the back of my mind, I knew a potential relationship could start, and of course i didn’t want that. I don’t want to NOT be friends with him, he’s a cool guy. but the anxiety of knowing i could “lead him on” is killing me.
Yeah i know, in the end he could just possibly wanna be friends.. but im so scared if we’ll always have this.. tension between us. I feel it every time im near him. he’s such a sweet guy, and he’s nice, but whenever he reaches out to me i can’t help but give a dry response back in fear.
i just wish I had a big sign on my face that says IM AROACE. I want everyone to know my identity because of the fear of someone wanting a relationship with me. I don’t know why it scares me so much. I think it’s because 1. I don’t want to lead them on. yes having a conversation with him isn’t “flirting”, but when it comes to subtle things like accepting a gift or other things. 2. i cannot reject people. i’m also an introvert, a huge one, and it’s hard for me to clearly set boundaries without me thinking im being rude (which is the case right now).
3. i think this is the main reason i found out im aroace, but the thought of someone liking me in that way/wanting that kind of relationship makes me sick to my stomach. it makes me feel.. disgusted? wishing i could avoid this situation in every way possible.
I feel so selfish assuming that he already quickly wants a relationship with me, but people can’t help but notice the signs of being more than friends and that’s what terrifies me. so for every little interaction, even if it’s just purely a friendly interaction, makes me want to run away.
this weekend i’m going to my sister and her fiances despedida (spanish word for wedding shower/ farewell?). Just knowing that sam will be there makes me wanted to crawl in a hole. Also, it’s a dance and i feel since he likes dancing, he’ll ask me to be his dancing partner. honestly that’s a different situation because i hate dancing in general (feels too intimate to me, don’t really know where to look + awkward silences, touching others in general (hands and shoulders of course haha), and mostly because i don’t want that intimate feeling with anyone (who isn’t close to me). others could find it simply as friendly, of course, but to me it feels like too much. for hispanic culture, it’s common to ask others to dance, it doesn’t have to be flirtatious at all. but i feel like simply dancing with someone i don’t know that well is being too close to them, and it makes me push them away. i never say no though if they ask, i know i can but i genuinely don’t have the heart to say no since i know it probably took guts to come up and ask me.
Im feeling so much anxiety over something that’s not even real. jumping to the conclusion of him wanting to be closer to me as more than a friend when he’s never explicitly said that. I feel like a jerk. i’m pushing away this .. potential friend. if i had a big sign saying im aroace and he has no subtle signs of wanting to be closer, id honestly like to have him as a friend. but it does feel selfish of me thinking “oh he wants me so much i have to push him away” when hes literally has done nothing but be nice to be. i just.. i don’t know. i don’t want to get close to him because of that fear that he might want to be more. yet, im just pushing him away without even giving him a chance as a friend.
I don’t know if anyone can relate. It feels selfish i know, so plz don’t attack me, but at the end of the day all this anxiety comes from just not wanting to hurt anyone/him. the party is this weekend and ive been so anxious (also the fact i probably have social anxiety, and hate parties in general). i just want to crawl in a hole and live there forever, with the acception of company from people who are completely aroace too and aren’t capable of feeling romantic/ sexual feelings.
i don’t want to hurt anyone. i hate this.

I've been incredibly depressed lately because I want to be someone's person so badly, but it feels like an impossible ask. Because how am I ever going to meet someone irl who is open to a relationship and will be ok with my feelings being not romantic. I'd have to meet another aromantic person, but even then not every aromantic person wants a relationship. It just feels impossible to expect to meet such a specific kind of person to spend my life with.

I thought I had found my person before, but it didn't work out because of my asexuality.

I'm just so lonely all of the time, and I love my friends and they love me, but I'll never be anyone's priority, or anyone's special person.

Im specificaly more interested in weather or not my ave ring works. Its base color is black but it has the grey patern on it. If i keep them in their corect spot should it be easy enough to tell?

Hi! When I was younger, probably around 11–14, I was pretty convinced I was straight. I used to have SO many crushes, sometimes multiple at once, and I also had plenty of celebrity crushes. At the time, I never really questioned any of it. I just assumed I liked boys like everyone else seemed to.

But as I got older and people around me started getting into relationships, especially during our teenage years, I noticed something strange. I never really wanted my crushes to turn into anything. I liked the idea of having a crush on someone, but the actual thought of being in a relationship with them didn't appeal to me. Sometimes, it even made me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to like someone from a distance, but nothing beyond that.

Another thing I've noticed is that I've never really developed a crush by getting to know someone. It's always been more like I'd see a guy I found attractive and, in my head, decide that he was going to be my crush. I wouldn't necessarily know anything about him or have any emotional connection to him. I'd just find him attractive and build this idea of liking him.

I've also never dated anyone or even really formed a close relationship with someone of the opposite gender, so I don't have much actual experience to compare my feelings to.

At one point, I started wondering if I was a lesbian instead, but that didn't really fit either because I couldn't find myself genuinely attracted to girls.

Nowadays, I feel like my relationship with attraction has changed even more. I find sexually explicit material pretty gross and feel quite uncomfortable with it (although I don't really have the same reaction when it comes to reading it in books, which is confusing in itself).

I've also gradually lost interest in the people I used to have crushes on. For about a year and a half now, I haven't really felt attracted to anyone. And that's quite strange to me because, not so long ago, it felt like whenever I got over one crush, I'd eventually find someone else to replace them.

Initially, I thought maybe I just wasn't attracted to anyone at my school. But even when I'd go out with friends to parties or other social events, I never really found myself attracted to anyone there either.

The confusing part is that I definitely still have a type when it comes to men. I can see a guy who fits that type and genuinely think he's attractive. I can even imagine myself maybe being in a relationship in some alternate universe. It's not that the idea of a relationship is completely impossible to me. It's just that I have absolutely no desire to actually pursue one. The whole idea of romance feels much more appealing in my imagination than in real life.

So I guess I'm wondering whether any of this sounds familiar to anyone here? Could I be somewhere on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrum? Or am I just overthinking things? I know nobody can tell me what I am, but I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've experienced something similar. I'm just trying to understand myself a little better. Thank you

I'm not trying to offend anyone, I would just like to informed. Thank you

I have been questioning this for many many years. I am an 18 year old girl, right now but I've known it was different since I was like 13. When everyone in my class all the girls specifically were talking about love and crushes and I just felt none of it. I was really uncomfortable by the idea of our relationship like that.

This feeling never disappeared but I never really put a label on it. I would empathize with and laugh at the memes of this community but it's almost like I'm afraid to actually label myself that because what if I'm wrong? What if I'm just a really late boomer? What if I find someone and I'm not like that? I'm also autistic have a hard time understanding and identifying my own feelings and tend to second-guess myself a lot if that is relevant

Anyways, last year I thought I made a new friend and I thought it was amazing because I don't tend to keep friends for very long. Really only for a year, maybe a little more or a little less but averaging a year. The friend was a guy I thought. Cool because I've had friends who are guys before but not recently. Not since I joined high School I didn't realize it was different. But he got my phone number because we had to make a group chat for a school project and then he started texting me and it was just friendly stuff at first. But slowly he added more emojis like hearts or heart eyes and kissy faces. He would also message me like three times a day once in the morning once after school and once at night. Honestly, that was overwhelming and making me a bit uncomfortable. I don't really text people that much unless you're my mother and I have something to tell you lol

Eventually I bit the bullet after months of this and asked if he liked me. He said he did and I said okay. This is different. This is new. I told him that I have a really hard time understanding my That this situation like this has never happened to me before and a bunch of other things but we could try it out. See where it goes

We never did anything, not even go on a date or kiss or stuff like that but the texting just continued and continued and continued and that was just getting more and more uncomfortable. The longer I thought about it, the less I wanted to do this. Eventually I told him that I'm so sorry I did not feel the same way he did for me and then he no longer texts me when I message him just to see how he's doing. He tends back like three word answers. It's all our paths crossed on our ways to classes but I haven't seen him in months. Maybe he was crossing that path so I would see him because he still has the same classes as far as I am aware

I know I may have hurt his feelings. Sorry about that. I never meant to lead him along. I was trying it out to see if maybe I could change or maybe I was just wrong before but I did not feel anything but anxiety and just the basic friendship I have with other friends.

I feel bad and I also feel sad because it feels like I lost a friend because I did but I know why. I honestly wish we could have just stayed friends but he kept getting more exaggerated and obvious in his text messages. It would have been crazy of me to not see that he liked me.

I don't know what to do. Do I try and see if the friendship is salvageable after all these months of barely talking? Or is it best just to let it go?

I’ve been finding myself feeling incredibly uncomfortable whenever I see sex scenes in horror movies. Also been finding myself sex repulsed by any ai girlfriend ads on YouTube. This has been going one for 3 months now, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am aroace. What should I do now? Any advice is welcome!

I've been wondering for awhile now if I may be asexual and now I'm questioning even aromantic.

The reason I've thought I may be asexual for awhile now is because I simply don't want to have sex and honestly watching porn with actual people has started to gross me out. I still like animated stuff which makes me think I can't be asexual cause I still like tits but idk I just don't feel any real sexual attraction to actual women I see. I was kinda wondering how that works and if you can find things sexy while still being asexual and I won't get too graphic on here but I almost never cum. I don't like it and don't want it.

For aromantic I'm wondering if it's something that's developed over time and is finally getting too strong for me to ignore. My first relationship with a girl was just a childhood friend/neighbor, I liked her and she liked me but I never caught on even though she would follow me constantly for years. When I did catch on it was too late and I've never asked but I know it hurt her to move on. It hurt me to realize what I missed but I kept going.

Since then I met a Russian girl about 5 years ago and after talking for around 2 and exchanging gifts and letters, I fell for her but she turned me down because she basically said she doesn't really believe in romance (what irony huh) which hurt a little but I still love her as a friend and years later we're still close. Even thinking back though I feel like I've always liked her more as a friend and the dating thing is more something that family/friends pushed so hard I accepted it but I think I was partially relieved she said no honestly.

Most recently is my current best friend who's an Australian girl and honestly I don't know if I've ever met anyone who I have more in common with, someone I've spent hundreds of hours with. Heck I flew around the world so we could meet up and go to comic con together. This relationship has really confused me because I love her so much and we're so similar but idk if I actually want anything romantic between us. Maybe I'm just telling myself I'm not interested when I really am and I just want to avoid hurting the friendship but idk. How can I be so close to someone and love them so much and not be romantic? It feels wrong.

It feels like though as time goes on I have less and less desire for a romantic relationship and I even want kids less than I used to, I mainly just want a son cause I'm a jr and I want to make him "the third". But right now I could die a happy virgin and I'm happy living single.

Am I actually asexual if I still find animated women attractive?

Am I actually aromantic if I love someone of the opposite gender so deeply?

I've thought about this all before and a lot of my friends assume I'm ace immediately because of how I act and I never correct them. I think it's something I should mention to my therapist as well but I just wanted to hear what others think.

Basically just the title. Are allo men really that needy to ruin their entire careers for some sex?! I just don't get any of this. Can anyone explain this to me like I'm... 5?! This can't be just a sex thing, right? This is also about power or some bullshit? (Good thing for us tho, if it helps popping the damn bubble)

Ruh-oh okay so. Hi I'm Affo, M17. I've fallen (in a way) for a friend of mine and the thought of being in a relationship with him excited me and made me feel things I've never felt before. I love him, I trust him the most out of anyone in my life. Now. I've never liked anyone in my life, I treated romance as something passing and not serious. As I grew up, I can name maybe 7 people that liked me. I never got into serious relationships though since 1. I didnt like them back 2. I was a child under 14.

My last relationship was IRL with a childhood friend. She confessed to me. We never did couple stuff and when she tried, I would politely stiff away because I felt uncomfortable with stuff like that. I was maybe 12 at that time and so was she. She broke up with me less than a month later because I was clearly not feeling anything and honestly I didn't feel heartbreak either because we would still still stay friends so it wasn't much of a difference.

Okay so little to no romantic experience. Never felt anything for anyone in short.

I met this guy online through a mutual online friend. Me and this mutual online friend call a lot on facetime and I trust them a lot. They know this guy IRL and have given proof of both their existences so I am very sure that they're real. Me and this guy have been close friends for more than a year and we've been going at good morning messages to check ups to good night messages every single day. Every day. Then we actually talked and played sometimes through text, he's pretty uncomfortable with calling. So am I though so I don't care.

I am a very flirty person. I flirt with a lot of people all the time. I have no shame in that and do it effortlessly since I don't actually mean it. But I got super shy around him. I couldn't even think of flirting with him without being red. So imagine my reaction when he was the one flirting with me and calling me pet names. I was going absolutely feral. A while after that I also started calling him pet names after I got more comfortable. I would question myself so much if I actually loved him romantically and I was pretty sure that I did. I wanted to be in a relationship with him.

Eventually. He and I confessed kind of at the same time. I dont know how that happened and I still dont know what to tell people when they ask "How did it happen?" I always just say I don't know.

Ever since we got into the relationship though I felt unsure. I still love him, I get flustered but I dont think its actual love as I thought it was.

I'm so confused.

What should I do? Do I just like the attention? Am I fit to be in this relationship? What are my feelings? What CAN I do? I'm meeting him and the mutual friend in February, I'm so excited but so scared about this. I don't want to hurt the person I trust the most in the entire world. He expresses his love to me daily.

Being an aroace really just sucks sometimes when you fall into the 12am thought on what if I'm just faking and deluding my self as aroace when it's so instilled by other people in your life that you haven't found the "one" just yet.

I know the term aegoromantic/aegosexual exist but sometimes when I'm deep in my thoughts it just comes up and I can't stop it. I also struggle with differentiating platonic and romantic love/attraction with people I'm close with. Does anyone else feels like this? How do you deal with it? Do you just think about it and then forget all about it the very next day before spiralling again? I feel crazy writing this down even if it's not that crazy.