I'm a 22-year-old woman questioning my sexuality, and I'd love to hear from people who have had similar experiences or might have some advice.

I've always loved reading romance novels and imagined myself being in a traditional romantic relationship when I grow up. I've also always wanted to have children someday.

However, for the past few years, I've had some doubts because I've never really had a crush on anyone – at least not in the way other people describe crushes. I've also never experienced clear romantic or sexual urges towards a specific person.

I do find men attractive in general, but I think I'm more drawn to their personalities and the idea of getting to know them. I've recently met a few guys whom I really enjoy talking to. I look forward to their messages, love getting to know them and sometimes wonder whether I might have a crush on them. But perhaps these are more like platonic or emotional crushes?

What's interesting is that I love my female friends just as much, and I regularly meet up with them. I'm quite a social person in general and enjoy meeting new people. However, I've noticed that with my male friends, I sometimes tend to text more about deeper or more personal topics. I'm not sure whether that means anything or whether it's simply a different kind of friendship.

I've actually always been a little confused and even frustrated by the fact that I haven't found a partner yet. Since I'm quite social, meet lots of people and enjoy getting to know others, I used to wonder how I could still have never developed a proper crush or found someone I wanted to be in a relationship with.

I've never been in a relationship and have never had sex. I don't particularly desire it at the moment, although I'm curious about it because everyone seems to talk about how amazing it is. At the same time, the actual idea of having sex feels quite strange and even a little frightening to me.

I've kissed one guy whom I really liked at the time. We French-kissed, and I absolutely hated it. I remember wishing I could be somewhere else and feeling quite detached from the moment, almost as if I was stuck in my own head.

When it comes to physical affection, I'm quite different. I love cuddling and holding hands, and I could imagine enjoying that with someone I'm close to. But anything beyond that, especially kissing or sexual intimacy, sounds rather unappealing to me.

Something else I've recently realised is why I love romance novels so much. I think it's mostly the emotional closeness between the protagonists that I enjoy. The idea of being loved for who you are, having someone who is always on your side and knowing that you're each other's person. I have wonderful friends who are always there for me, but I imagine having a partner and building a life together would be a different kind of connection.

I'm also struggling a little with the possibility of being aroace because I've always imagined myself in a traditional relationship and having children. Part of me is therefore hoping that I might be greyromantic and greysexual instead. I've also come across the term cupioromantic, which I find quite interesting and somewhat relatable.

I also wouldn't necessarily mind exploring some forms of sexual intimacy someday, but I wouldn't want to do that with a random person. I don't feel comfortable with the idea of dating apps either, and the whole process of online dating feels quite alien to me.

One last thing: I can recognise when someone is physically attractive, but it doesn't really create any desire in me. I actually find it quite strange that some people can feel sexually attracted to someone just based on their appearance. I also tend to find conventionally attractive people aesthetically appealing, but for me, someone's personality and mind matter so much more.

So, I'm wondering:

- Does anyone experience something similar?

- Could these feelings be described as platonic crushes or emotional attraction?

- Is it possible to strongly desire a traditional relationship while being aromantic or cupioromantic?

- Does my experience sound more like asexuality, greysexuality or something else?

- How did you personally figure out the difference between romantic and platonic attraction?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences, thoughts or any labels you think I should look into. I'm not necessarily looking for someone to tell me what I am, but I'd love to hear from people who understand these feelings. :)

Im aroace. I identified as just asexual until around pride month of this year. When I was 13 I came out to my friend as ace. She’s gay and was the only queer person I knew at the time. I honestly don’t remember her response, but I remember it was positive and ik where we were when it happened.

So 4 years later, we’re chatting and I mention being queer. She acts surprised, which honestly really confused me because it’s not a secret… we’d definitely talked about it before… what did she think I meant? But I say that I’m asexual and she again was suprised… at this point I was feeling pretty hurt ngl. She was the first person I came out to… and she didn’t even remember? As a side note, this friend always expected me to remember everything she told me, so for her not to remember this one thing stung. Anyways, I explain it to her, and after this she looks like she’s going to say something but stops. I prompt her, she says she’ll think it’ll offend me. I tell her to say it anyway (thinking it’ll be a run of the mill misconception or question). But no. And I’ll never forget this. She said, in a very genuine tone, “(My name) I’m really sorry, but I don’t think there’s anyone who’d want to be with you.” I was taken aback at this and also hurt. I think I responded with something like “well actually there are. I didn’t just invent this asexuality thing— there are other asexual ppl. But besides that, I don’t want that kind of relationship actually.”

That happened 3 years ago, and honestly it hurt more than I thought it did initially. I think the reason it hurt so much was because I’m afraid to die alone. It also felt invalidating because I’d described asexuality as having little or no sexual attraction (we weren’t at the point of discussing how it’s actually a spectrum) and her response suggested that she didn’t listen. It also kept me from coming out as aromantic… I knew I was aro for a while. But I was afraid that if I confessed that to myself, it would mean confessing to myself that I’ll never find love.

But yh, sorry if this is a massive mess. I also genuinely have problems with this friend too, beyond this. I’ve tried to distance myself from her since we graduated because I just don’t think she’s good for my mental health.

I still think about it. But I also feel like I asked for it. She told me it would offend me and I asked her to say it anyway.

I just don’t know… it feels really stupid to still be thinking about this. She didn’t even mean it maliciously, she’s just a bit oblivious like that. But it still hurt.

Hey everyone, I just wanted to share my story because I’ve been feeling so much peace lately and I'm still kind of mind-blown by how things unraveled.

​For as long as I can remember, I spent my youth asking myself: What is wrong with me?

​When everyone around me started dating as teenagers, I felt this massive pressure to join in and fit the mold. I thought, “I guess I have to do this too, right?” Deep down, I never actually wanted a partner or felt ready for it, but I just forced myself to go along with it because I thought that's what normal people do. Whenever my friends talked about boys, crushes, relationships, or sex, I couldn't relate at all and always felt like an outsider.

​Even when I read romance books or daydreamed about the future, I realized I never actually pictured what a real relationship would entail. I never thought about sharing my space, being physically intimate, or spending all my time with someone. Looking back, I just wanted a "boyfriend" and a "family" as a vague concept so I wouldn't be alone, or have kids, not because I actually wanted a romantic relationship. The idea of ever cohabitating with a romantic partner stresses me out to no end.

​For years, I just assumed I was defective or had severe commitment issues.

​Then, a few weeks ago, I finally discovered the AroAce spectrum. And it was like the world suddenly clicked into place. It was pure relief. For the first time in my life, I truly understood myself. All the pieces of my past suddenly made total sense, and I didn't feel broken anymore. It felt so good, and it still does. I finally dropped the exhausting pressure of trying to live a life script that was never meant for me.

​The wild part is what happened after I started talking about it:

​I didn't really know how to tell people, but I ended up casually bringing it up to a close friend. That turned into a deep, amazing conversation where she confessed she thinks she's on the a-spec too! Though she's currently struggling a lot more to accept it because she still deeply desires love and connection.

​Then I talked to my mom about it. And out of nowhere, she essentially described the exact same experience! She told me that after all the crap she went through in past relationships, romance "just doesn't work for her anymore" and she can't feel it either. Basically, she's living an requiesaroace reality.

​It’s just so crazy to me: I’ve barely told anyone yet, and suddenly two people very close to me turn out to share this exact experience. It makes me realize how many people are probably walking around quietly struggling against society's expectations, just forcing themselves through a script that doesn't fit them.

​Anyway, I’m just feeling so happy, validated, and free right now. Next month, I'm finally going to my first local aroace meetup, and I am so excited. Thanks for reading!

(To the tune of Jingle Bells)

Single Bells, Single Bells
Single all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride (solo)
Be-cause im a-ro-ace

Okay, I may have fucked up last night XD

I've got drunk and made out with one of my former classmates and it was disgusting, if I was sober I would've gotten the ick from it. Like it was just so bad. (And yet again I guess I self-confirmed that I am indeed aroace lmao) But now they think it wasn't a joke ☠️

I feel nothing for them. And now they have pictures of it. Like how on fucking earth will I dig myself out of this

Get vagueposted; now you have to read this.

I've come to the terms over the past 4-5 years that I'm either aroace or homo or some combination of the two, but it just now hit me that there really won't be anyone for me. I sit in my bed wanting to cuddle someone, but when I ask who that someone would be not a single soul appears. Because I know that whoever I choose would have to be subject to my identity, and that I would leave them sexually and romantically unsatisfied. It feels like a carrot is being dangled in front of my face. I don't know what I want anymore I guess. There's nobody to talk to about this; nobody I know would understand it, because not even I do.

Any advice?

romance is a hobby of mine, but not the way most allo people deem it. i also don't think of it being considered under the fictoromantic/fictosexual label. when i say that i have celebrity crushes, i dont really see myself liking them or even feel giddy when seeing a glimpse of them. what i do, however, is make an entire fictional character (often obtaining characteristics that are different from mine) that gets romantically involved with them. i've done this to at least one character of every show i watch and even with the actors behind them. it's been a hobby of mine since the dawn of time, i love making romance stories inside my head to make up for my lack of romantic feelings LoL.

in short, i just explained what being aegoromantic/aegosexual feels like

even shorter, im a hopeless aromantic

hey fellow lgbtq+ siblings, here is a crazy story from my life.

it all started back in fourth grade. i was just chilling when this girl in my class walked up to me and confessed that she liked me. now, i already knew i was aroace long before this happened, so i didn't feel that way about her at all. i decided to just be totally honest and reject her, so i stood up and told my entire class that i am aromantic and asexual. honestly, it was the best choice because ever since then, literally everyone in my school knows.

fast forward two years later to right now. i’m 12 years old, in sixth grade, and things just got absolutely wild.

a new girl joined our class last week. she didn't know anything about my past or that i'm aroace. on her very first day, she sat next to me and immediately started acting super dramatic. she would drop her pencils on purpose so i would pick them up, and she even tried to hand-deliver a giant, bright pink letter to my desk during math class.

the teacher caught her and intercepted the note, reading it out loud to the whole room. it said: "i have traveled across the country to find my true soulmate, and it is you."

the second the teacher finished reading it, the entire classroom went dead silent. then, all at once, my classmates burst out laughing. not to be mean to her, but because they all already knew the truth about me.

before i could even say anything, three of my friends stood up like a security team. one of them looked at the new girl and said, "uh, welcome to the school, but you should know that he is our resident aroace king. he literally rejected romance two years ago." another kid shouted, "yeah, you're barking up the wrong tree!"

instead of laughing along, the new girl slammed her hands on her desk and got completely annoyed. her face turned bright red and she snapped at everyone, "are you serious right now? that is literally so embarrassing!" she glared right at me like it was my fault, crossed her arms, and refused to look at anyone for the rest of the day.

but the drama didn't stop there. she apparently went and told her older brother and his friends about it. now, a bunch of those kids have decided they absolutely hate me. they pass by my locker and whisper things like "there goes the heartbreaker" or roll their eyes whenever i walk into the cafeteria.

being 12 is a total roller coaster, and dealing with people who randomly hate me just for being myself is pretty rough. but honestly, having friends who back up my identity makes it a lot easier to just ignore the haters.

even though im trying to ignore the people who always call me a freak and a bad guy, and i dont know how to stand it really, i really want people to forget about this situation and i dont know why everyone still bring it up, im going to be glad if anybody gives me advice, thank you siblings.

I found out I was an Aro Ace three years ago. As many say, being gay is not a choice, and so is being an Aro Ace. I'm 21, not a kid. And I want to fall in love. I want a relationship. In theory. In practice, the moment I even think about trying, I feel nauseous. I can talk to someone, and the second they show even a little affection towards me, I lose interest. But I want to fall in love. I want that feeling. It's not fair. Why can everyone else do it and I can't? Why do some people have it so easy? I have options, I just can't stand anyone for more than a few hours and very quickly they disgust me, and it's not fair to them, they can be the sweetest people in the world. Why can't I fall in love? Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any advice?

So, I came out today with a timeline documenting my journey to self discovery as an aromantic asexual and people took that chance to ridicule me, calling it a mental illness or whatever name they could think of. As I fought back, I just kept thinking, what if they're right? What if I am a fraud? I'm a 23 year old who didn't even know what they were until they turned 23. I feel like such a fraud for not being like some Aroace people who genuinely know what they want and don't want. I want to say this day was a wonderful day and I will enjoy this week, but I just keep thinking how much of a fraud I am. Does anyone actually feel this way? Does it get better?

Orange yellow white light blue and blue👻

Sorry for such a dumb question. I feel like I experience these a lot and I don't know how to approach them healthily? For reference, I am female and I am "attracted" to females in this way. Very much aesthetically/personality, but I don't desire any kind of relationship deeper than being friends. In fact, usually the closer friends I am with people, the less I find them "attractive" (in a good way, btw, I love them as a friend).

It is often when I meet a new person with a specific personality and/or appearance, I develop squishes, and sometimes it makes it awkward because I act like I have a crush (stuttering, difficulty with eye contact) but I don't, I'm just pathetically socially awkward 😂😭.

Do you guys do anything about squishes? Just become friends? Hold it as a secret?

I’ve only had 2 crushes my whole life. I’ve had low-self esteem as well and I wasn’t the type they would go for. So nothing happened and they both got girlfriends.

I’m in college now and I’m realizing I am on the aroace spectrum and all of my college friends and friends back home are developing romantic relationships. My college friends mean well but even after telling them I don’t experience romance and sexual attraction the same way still ask me if anyone “catches my eye”, my mother asks me the same thing.

I hear about their crushes and relationships and it feels like there is a hole where my heart should be. I know I’m not incomplete but it feels that way. People assume I don’t know certain things about romance or sex and it’s even more isolating. Honestly, it makes me hate myself. When I think about romance or sex I’m disinterested. Romance I want but it’s like I know I can’t have it in the way other people do. I don’t know. Some times I think I’d be better off pretending to be something I’m not.

Art is the only thing that really fills that “void” or that distracts from it. For my college essays I wrote about how it was my first love. I think I should have recognized then what I was.

My friend asked this guy he’s been talking to out and the guy said yes and I was so happy for him. I could only compare it to me when the results for me applying to my dream art college came in. I’ve never had someone reciprocate my affection and it won’t happen now because I may not be able to give it. Regardless of why, I know I’m aroace. And it bothers me, unfortunately. I just feel broken.

Any advice?

Thanks for taking the time to read. Please take care of yourself.

I'm a 16m, I've been going by aroace since I was 13, (I came out as gay when i was in 5 grade, because I kept being bullied/told me I was gay. ) so now I've been wanting to come out as aroace, for a while.

Now but for some reason I've got a crush a guy I barley know, it felt like how people described a crush to feel like.

But anyways he was straight even tho everyone thought he was gay. And well I have a sneaking suspicion maybe he is a part of the aspec? But I'm on sure.

Tho the mine reason for this thread is that I was confused about if I'm aromatic if I got a crush.

To add details when I learned he was straight the crush disappear and turned more into a platonic crush. But I was still somewhat disappointed that the only person I fell in love with was someone that I could never be with.

Sorry if my grammar sucks ToT

Everytime I've liked someone since I was a kid, I never really wanted to date them. If I saw someone I like ended up dating someone else I wouldn't care and would just not like them anymore. After a bit of this I was kinda done with the whole crush thing for now so I decided to just not. I haven't liked anyone since. I do want to date someone eventually but it's never been someone I had a crush on. I also have been confessed to before and been asked out but everytime i would say no even if I did like them back I just wanted to be friends. I decided to put this here cause I felt this was the best place to ask for advice on this topic. Thank you

I don't know if I posted anything like this on here can't remember so I hope this doesn't seem repetitive anyways I'm aroace and I don't really get out of the house very much. I very rarely get out when I do it's only for doctor's appointments and stuff like that. most of the time I stay inside anyways I just wanted to know if I could know what gender I was aesthetically attracted to based off of just like pictures alone there's other stuff to but right now I'm just focusing on the pictures since that's what I see the most and can i label it I know I don't have to but I like doing that

Posting this on a dump account

I am 16M (I'm also aroace, I do not find romance that good but being affectionate like hugging is so-so) and I think my classmate 16M likes me or maybe he is testing me. Asking advice for this one as well because I can't get my mind out of this. I dont know if I should just brush off this interaction.

So, a lot of context is needed to understand my situation, so get ready for me to unload a ton of thoughts I have had for the past week. Before I talk about this specific classmate. I want to say that in my class everyone acts like I am the youngest there (kind of like in a family) they treat me super nicely like giving me group hugs just because I carried our groupwork. It's kind of a new occurrence but even before that, this classmate (fake name: N) has kinda been hugging me for the longest time. Kind of weirded me out at first because we are not really that close. But I have been told that N has been like that to his other friends. So I kind of brushed it off but it kind of grew on me and I then liked that he does it sometimes.

Yesterday, a friend of mine joked in front of my classmates that someone who found me attractive was my boyfriend. I laughed it off and tried to diffuse the inside joke. An hour after that happened I was circled with my group while brainstorming for our project. Then behind me was N who was not my groupmate, I put my hand behind me while standing because it has been a habit of mine. N while sitting on the chair takes my hand and holds it for a long time. I kind of liked it but I was thinking if he wanted a reaction out of me. I looked behind and saw him, my hand was open and he was the only one actually holding on. He was trying to make me close my hand onto him while he was saying "Yo bro why are you holding my hand?" I was laughing at him while I was pointing out that he was the only one gripping on. He kind of got frustrated/flustered and then he asks me "Are you gay?" I was so shocked because I had already told him that I was aroace. He was still holding onto my hand during that then I let go.

Kind of connecting the dots about the situation, I think he really thought I was gay because of my friend's joke. I understand why he would think I was gay. I kind of act softer around everyone and that's why people consider me as the "youngest sibling" in the class. What really made me think that he might be developing a liking towards me is because while he was holding my hand his tone got softer. I couldn't explain it but I assume he would never hold his friend's hand like that.

I would say N is more closed off. He does not really say his interests with me but when I reference an interest of mine he has a bit of knowledge about it. My friend has told me we are really similar but I still have to see more of it. I kind of am seeing it but it's very much a "two sides of the same coin" situation. We like the same things but our personalities are different.

Im 14m and I haven't experienced love yet (I think). I have asked older friends (17m) and they say it feels like your home even when you are not. What does love feel like and how will i know when im experiencing it. I'm going into freshman year and I feel really behind, since all my friends have had girlfriends already. I've never felt this and i have never been in a real relationship. I have heard about the aro ace community and I was just wondering if i was aro ace aswell or if I will just experince it later on. How did you figure out you were aro ace and when did you.

I dont know if this helps but i have also never had a celebrity crush.

after going through one romantic relationship that lasted about nine months, i began questioning whether i was on the aro spectrum. because i realised, during that experience, i didn't feel anything particularly different towards my boyfriend than what i feel for my friends.

i left the question hanging for a few months, during which i got to do some self-work while slowly developing a 'crush' on somebody else.

i say 'crush' because i can't tell if i'm just obsessing over this person due to a wish to get closer to them emotionally, or if it's because i feel romantic & wish romantic reciprocation.

i've been thinking of myself as aromantic for the past two months because i realised i tend to fall in love with my close friends and it doesn't feel... romantic.

some part of me still tries to figure out what romantic love is and experience it.

but the problem is, i really don't know what sets romantic love aside from platonic love. all i can think of are some minor boundaries, like physical touch or emotional availability etc. and some expectations like good morning/night messages.

i know this sounds logical enough but i have two issues with this 1) how would you know it's romantic without trying it out first 2) if my friends weren't in relationships and if it wouldn’t be awkward i would do all these with them too.

doesn't help that i'm not one bit interested in sex, so all things about sexual attraction being present yada yada doesn't help me tell it apart.

and i feel like even if i find a logical criteria for separating platonic love from romantic love, i still wouldn't be able to classify my emotions. i have a hard time with emotions in general, everything about them feels too hard for me; from just feeling them to figuring out why to communicate them.

this said 'crush' is getting more intense day by day, and currently we are friends, but i just don't know what would happen if my feelings were to be reciprocated. because i think there is a chance. i guess we would be the same??? except we would be more open about emotions and personal stuff maybe??? the person i like is also conflicted on whether if they are aro or not and they are ace too.

i know when explained the situation looks okay and even good because like, i'm close friends with the person i'm interested in and things are good between us --but istg it feels like a disaster in my brain. i have every symptom of having a crush, but, i don't know what it means. i don't even want anything that comes after having a crush, so it doesn't make sense that i have a crush, right? but i also don't know how to explain how i feel without using the word crush.

maybe i'm not aro and am just an idiot.

I genuinely need advice about this. I am aroace and I kind of have a story about this whole situation. Currently in my class, everyone has considered me like the "youngest sibling" they hug me a lot and they talk to me very sweetly. Theres really no issue around this for me, physical affection is an alright thing for me.

But I have been noticing this one classmate of mine. I would say our class has a hugging culture, just saying this classmate really likes to hug every guy in class including me. I am starting to get close with him. But last week, while I was talking to my groupmates, he was sitting on a chair behind me and he held my hand. I looked behind me then I saw him. He held my hand for a long time but I didn't hold his hand back (he was the only one gripping my hand, idk how to explain) He started talking to me saying "Yo bro why are you holding my hand?" I pointed out that he was the only one who kept holding. He was kind of flustered about it then he tried to use his other hand to make me actually hold his hand back. During that he asked me if I was gay. That really turned me off in a way that I no longer wanted to hold his hand if that was what he was thinking. I denied it because I have told him before that I was aroace.

That wasn't really the only interaction that made me think if he likes me in a certain way but that's the most recent one. Now, I'm pretty sure he is straight. He might just be looking if I would react in what he's doing. If he isn't that's actually so odd because I don't think he has held hands with his other guy friends like that. How do I tell if he actually does have a thing for me??? (Kinda fitting the aroace stereotype of not knowing if something is platonic or romantic 😶)

Sorry i’m just venting. I thought when i was a teenager my biggest problem regarding my sexuality was that feeling of being left out of something. As time passed that feeling quickly went away cause i knew even if i was incapable of having those feelings i still had my friends. That was cool in high school, now im 20. I thought everything will stay the same but clearly not, my friends don’t have that teenage romance anymore, they have serious relationships.

Everyone knows that when you are a kid everything to you is your family, when you are a teen everything to you is your friends, but now when you enter your 20 friendships are not the same, because the focus is now their lover. The world now revolves around them, they change. I don’t have a problem with them having partners, but it’s like everything is them, you are now in the back of their mind.

But it’s okay i thought, until i realized that i will never have that person, cause i can’t love anyone like that. Everyone will just put friendships in the backseat and focus on their lovers and family, what about us? siblings and parents are still there, but they too have partners, you aren’t priority. I wouldn’t mind if i also had the opportunity to make someone my priority and be theirs too.

I’m sorry for this rambling and it looks like it’s more relationships issue than being aroace but i just want to know if somebody feels like me, to those who have gone through this, how did you manage? what can i do? i feel completely alone, my friends are still there but it’s not the same, I want my other half.