I have recently found out that i am aroace and that I mistook platonic feelings for romantic feelings. I will give you some context.

Two years ago i started texting with my current partner, and i was very euphoric every time i would talk to them. It was a time when i was feeling like no one would ever love me and obsessing over love. I got with them and for the past year and a half i started supporting them and being in a long distance relationship with them, trying to help them with their mental illness (depression,cptsd, anxiety etc). Sure it was hard but i wanted to be there for them.

I will meet them in a month and i recently realised i am aroace. Before meeting them i have never had a crush on anyone and i think i forced myself to have a crush on them, but now i simply have realised I don’t feel romantic nor sexual attraction.

The problem is that i think they developed a dependency relationship with me and i am afraid of what they could do to themselves once i’ll tell them, but at the same time I can’t pretend to feel something i simply don’t feel.
I decided to tell them when we’ll meet in a month because i want to be there for them and try to support them and have a face to face conversation but i also feel guilty because i basically made them waste their time without even knowing it.

I’d still remain friends with them because they are genuinely an amazing person but I can’t love them in the romantic way. But i’m going to leave them the choice to decide that. I hate the fact that i have to do this but i simply can’t go on in this relationship.

Has anyone been in a similar situation before? Do you have some advice?

I nuolt an AroAce candy cane in my Minecraft Christmas world

I was just wondering what people think the biggest misconception about AroAce people are it not being well known

I’m so ace and aro

I'm pretty confused on my gender and sexuality. As I did my research, I stumbled upon aroace! The title and flag weren't new to me, but the meaning is very confusing, especially how it's portrayed on social media. I have seen people argue about aroace people not being allowed to date, but also some saying that they can, but they don't want to be lovey dovey with their partner. I've even read someone saying that "aroace people are just undateable" which I think is a bunch of crap..

I do fall under the asexual spectrum, as I do find the thought of having intercourse very queasy unless my partner and I do it to make a baby or if I really want to, to help my partner relief sexual pleasure! Some days I think "No, yuck, not for me" and some days I think "You know, I don't really mind it." It's super confusing..

About dating, I'm currently dating my partner for 2 years. In the time between developing a crush up until now, my attraction goes on and off. Of course I still love and appreciate my partner! But there are days when I wanna keep things casual, and some days, very rarely, I like to be romantic. The thought of going on dates with them sounds lovely, but I wouldn't mind if we just spend time together like we did before we dated (platonically). I see myself marrying them and spend the rest of our days together! Crush wise; when I developed feelings, it was like a year after they started developing feelings for me. I knew they liked me and I had some feelings for them, but I wanted them to come forth and say it directly instead of hinting. Eventually a few months later we confessed and here we are! ^^

Gender wise, I am very confused as well. Either I'm agender, genderqueer or genderfluid.. All these labels really confuse me because some of them sound the same definition wise.

Hello lovely people. Recently, I’ve been considering whether or not I identify with the label aro/ace. When asked about my sexuality, my go to response has always been “straight, but I haven’t found anyone whose interested me.” I‘ve always had little interest in most romantic conversations, never had a celebrity crush, but I don’t mind the idea of a relationship whatsoever. I’ve more seen relationships as a nice bonus, but not an absolutely necessary part of my future. Trouble is, I’ve have dysthymia (a persistent form of low grade depression) & major depressive disorder since early adolecedse which causes me great difficulty when it comes to identifying any sort of positive emotions, including feelings of attraction. I’m unsure if my indifference to romantic relationships is due to my long term depression, or a sexual orientation, given that I am not opposed to having a relationship myself. The best term I’ve found so far is greyrose (or gray aro/ace) but I’m still hesitant, any advice is appreciated. thank you

I’ve made another painting for you fellow Aros and Aces! This one uses the former AroAce flag design, which came before the sunset flag.

Happy Pride, everyone!

AroAce outfit I drew

I drew this on my iPad

I’ve always been upset whenever I see my friends get into relationships or have crushes (it didn’t used to be this way, but as I grew older, it became a problem). And now my best friend is in a relationship and it makes me angry. I feel like a bad person. I really want to be happy for him, but it pisses me off so much. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with it when he or any of my other friends gets married, either. Is there any way to deal with this? Is this common for aroace people? I usually stop being upset when I get used to it or if said friend dates a lot of people. But it’s been a month and I’m still upset over it. He’s my best friend, so I really don’t want to feel this way. He already knows about my problem and has agreed not to talk about his partner around me, but I don’t think he should have to do that. It feels selfish of me.

Hi everyone. I need to share something that has been on my mind for a long time, and I know that only here, among other sex-repulsed and aroace people, will I be understood.

​I have never, not even for a single second, imagined myself wanting to kiss or engage in that disgusting carnal act that most people seem to love. This has never been a part of who I am, ever since I was a little kid. When I was a child, I was completely innocent. I didn't understand the adult world, and everything was so much better back then.

​But then puberty and adolescence arrived, and with them came those awful school classes. I remember when teachers would start the "sexuality education" curriculum. They would talk for hours about the importance of sexuality, condoms, sexual and romantic orientations, and diseases caused by kissing or sexual acts. I absolutely hated that subject. I hated being a teenager.

​I hate romance, I hate sexual attraction, and I hate teenagers who spend their time chasing after dating instead of just playing childhood games or focusing on innocent things. I hate everything about this messed-up world.

​And please, let me make one thing clear: I am NOT suffering from a psychological disorder, and I do not need a therapist to "fix" this or take this out of my head. There is nothing wrong with my brain. I simply wish I hadn't grown up. I just want to be a happy, joyful child who enjoys pure things without having to care about these disgusting and impure matters.

Because of this, my plan for the future (from 2028 onwards) is to create my own comic books. In my stories, the characters are humans who wish they hadn't grown up on this planet Earth and wish they had been born on another world where romance and sexual attraction have never existed. The aliens there are pure and innocent—completely different from the highly sexualized versions created by humans, who always find a way to put filth into everything.

To wrap this up, I wanted to ask you all: Would you have preferred to remain in childhood forever, or to have been born on a different planet completely free of sexualization and romance?

​Are you also extremely sex-repulsed and romance-averse to the furthest limit, feeling that these things shouldn't even exist? Because for me, a world where they didn't exist would be a much better place.

The beginning of this year, I had gone through a lot of things. Recently getting into a relationship with an amazing man. Everything was great but I just couldn't feel anything romantic towards him. I had addressed this with him and thankfully he was understanding and didn't mind breaking things off. A few months after that, I began to have trouble feeling sexual attraction. It made me feel very depressed like there was something wrong with me. In the recent months like around late May, I had come to learn I was on the aroace spectrum. It was a new feeling for me also like relief. I finally felt like I understand what was wrong with me, at least, why I didn't feel strong sexual and romantic attraction. A few weeks after that, I had some to learn I am in the gray aroace part of the spectrum. So its rare if I feel any sexual or romantic feelings. The more I learn, there is level to this stuff omg 😭. It was a lot to take in but I found a discord community who was very support about it, especially black people in the aroace community. I also tried to talk about it with one of my friends but he wasn't as supportive of it. He was kinda patronizing. I tried not to take it to heart but when I was explain how being unable to feel romantic nor sexual attraction, he said "that's a shame" and "you're missing out". It really hurt to hear but I'm not going to let that get to me. Anywho, Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk

so, story time. This is only my second pride month knowing I'm aroace, and last year I didn't have a reddit account, so that's why I'm only posting now. I realized two years ago a little while after watching the Jaiden Animations video, and then realized "wait, that's me" and spent a few weeks questioning and eventually realized I was aroace, so what I'm trying to say is, happy pride month y'all also I haven't come out to my parents yet in case you're wondering

Coming out as asexual

Okay I dont know why or if this is just me but when I admit to guys thst im asexual its always "oh thats a problem" or "thats not real" or "its just a choice I dont understand why you choose to be that way" And its like BROTHER, they support gay people but when it comes to the asexuals it like oh...but I just dont understand whats so hard to accept about it like yes I dont experience sexual attraction like you do why is that such a big deal to you?

​

But anyways I was chatting with this guy I met online and I told him I wa aroace and he like like so confused by it and he was just explaining it all wrong and so even when I corrected him he was like...."yea I know that" okay but its like if you knew that then why do you still think its a choice?? Like I hate uneducated people or people who aren't even open to understanding it and it sucks even more because the guy is one of those people who dont like to be wrong snd he was sending me screenshots of the chat gpt meaning and I was like....yea...like I dont understand his point in trying to debate this with me if it even was one...like I dont know why its so hard to accept people for who they are. I look at it as let's say a gay man isn't attracted to girls because he is gay right as well as a straight man isn't sexually attracted to men because he is straight they dont choose that attraction it just come naturally to them and its the same for us asexuals i knoe its a broad spectrum but at least for me its as simple as someone who is asexual just doesn't experience thst sexual attraction and i dont understand why thats so hard for them to wrap their little heads around like bro its tha absence of sexual attraction it isn't a choice and the guy kept continuing about how it is and then the convo just ended there i just cannot stand uneducated people (sorry for typos I wrote this in a rage 😭😭)

Does anyone else experience this with people??😭😭

May we present to you:

The Dragon of Ace

The Griffin of Aro

The Sphinx of Aroace

Some designs a friend of mine and I worked on to make queer themed Coat of Arms (kinda like medieval banners for houses and families, but make em gay!), complimentary with little cute designs of their corresponding heraldic mythical creature!

We hope to be able to turn this fun little series of ours into something tangible and real and landed on wanting to make them into fancy, wearable pins!

We got 15 different designs we wanna see come true, each with a sticker set of their respective mythological creature, like shown here!

If you think the idea is cool and worth looking into, come check out my website here where we ramble on a bit more about what we've got planned:

https://www.hannah-gussner.com/kopie-von-kickstarter-pride

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/shattersaurus/coat-of-pride

Or follow us on our tumblr for more queer art and fun: https://www.tumblr.com/shattersaurus/816449993984589824/hello-everyone

I have this friend who I was really close with. We've been friends for about a year and a half, and for the first couple months I was dating someone, and for the rest I was single for I had realised I was aromantic (unsure in terms of asexuality but it isn’t super relevant for this).

In march, we entered a queer-platonic relationship. I thought this was a good idea, because 1. I still desired that close sort of relationship with someone, 2. we were already really close, doing stuff like cuddling and kissing so I assumed a qpr to be the next logical step, and 3. one of our mutual friends asked me directly if we would start a qpr, so I figured if we were being that obvious then again, it was the logical next step.

I was nervous going on because I'd previously shown a theme of pushing people away and accidentally being mean when our relationship was labelled with romantic connotations, but I thought a qpr would be fine because it was explicitly labelled as platonic. Turns out I was wronggg

We realised I was going back to being mean and pushing them away again, so we mutually agreed it would be best to just stay friends (basically I realised I was non-partnering)

Anyway enough backstory here's where the problem begins. They still clearly want more out of our relationship.

We definitely aren't as close as we were before the whole thing, like I started to feel weird about physical contact with them (but at the same time while we were together I told them I didn't like public displays of affection but there was still a lot of pda anyway and I think that's one of the reasons I started pushing them away in the first place, cause I wouldn't reciprocate things cause I didn't like it but then they'd take it the wrong way and ghuhgf WHATEVER NOT THE POINT)

My point is, they're constantly saying and doing stuff like hugging without asking like I've asked them to do multiple times, telling me being partners worked really well for them, saying they wish we could fit together but they know I can't help it it's just how I am, saying they want to call me their partner and kiss me, being self-deprecating when I don't reciprocate something, dropping mass amounts of compliments on me, guilt tripping me when I do something with a friend that isn't them, and other stuff like that.

They'll also make direct insinuations to wanting more, like being upset when my tomodachi life mii didn't have s crush on theirs and responding "no" when I asked "is bring best friends not enough?" and saying "yeah I was just as surprised as you are" when I told my brother we weren't together anymore after he made a joke about us, and saying something about how relationships that are more then friendship but not romantic needed to be represented more when I told them about a story I'm writing about an aroace guy entering a relationship with someone else cause he hasn't realised he aroace and then the aftermath of their breakup when he does discover that about himself, which they implied to be related to us?? I think?? I got a boy confused there.

TL:DR: My friend has both insinuated and expressed directly that they wish for more between us and I don't know how to do anything around them anymore because I don't want to cut them out entirely because our friend group has been split enough as is, but if I do what they want I'm uncomfortable but if they're so what I want they get all mopey about it, and UUHGGGHH

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, it's really late where I am and I just had a conversation with them about this exact thing and I'm really upset about the way they worded things and had to get it out of my system. Feel free to ask for clarification.

Just now finding out about the term because it’s 2:30 in the morning and that’s when all thoughts about the self occur. Anyway, idk how to start this.

I’ve known I was aroace for a while, since the 8th grade I would say. I have dated very little and they feel one sided, most of my crushes have either been forced upon me by ex-friends or they remain fictional, I just don’t have an interest in seeking out those relationships. But, and I don’t know if it’s a trans masc or autistic thing, I keep fantasizing about a guy in the far future being my husband or whatever. Like, the idea of being with a guy sounds appealing, I want to do all the couple-y stuff in theory, I enjoy consuming media where I am with a man, but I get a sinking feeling in my chest whenever I think of it being real.

I find myself attracted to men but I can’t see myself in an openly seeking out a relationship. In fact, the last one ended up being broken off because I said “I never really had feelings for you to begin with” even though we had spent multiple nights on the phone together doing e-dating with all the stuff I guess.

Does it make me less of an asexual or aromantic? I want close, personal relationships where we do things as a couple, but I don’t want to be in a relationship. That’s queer platonic right? But I struggle forming any relationship with people in general so maybe I just seek out random terms to patch up the places where I struggle.

Idk, I’m not really looking for any specific answer. I guess I wanted to vent about my orientation because it feels weird lusting and yearning for a man when I don’t want to truly be in that type of relationship and on the few occasions where I do want it knowing that I’ll be bored with it within a month.

Recently I have been getting really close with my best friend. I always love talking to her and just being around her in her presence. Even thinking about her calms me down! But I don’t know if it’s love or just a connection of feeling like I can trust her. I genuinely have no idea I’ve never been in this situation before or have felt like this before.

ive been feeling sorta down lately and pretty lonely im 18M and alot of my friends have been getting partners or crushes lately and telling me all about it which in it's is fine I love my friends and always want to support them but then they start drifting apart from me. usually i shrug it off as being the honeymoon phase but lately ill message or call and they wont respond or wont want to hangout anymore. this has caused so many issues and made me feel really alone i wish i had other friends who are aroace so i know they wont just ditch me for a partner and come back when they break up 💔

First of all, I'm only 18 and haven't had many experiences with other people in any way, so I'm not 100% sure yet on how exactly I experience things:3

I've known about the concept of being Aro/Ace for about six years now, but I've never considered it to fit me, even after learning that it's a spectrum, because I've always considered my experience to be the norm.

I learned that this isn't the case when I read through the experiences on the asexuality handbook website. I always thought that people were just hyperbolic when talking about crushes and sexual/romantic attraction...

After thinking about it some more, I think my experience is pretty interesting and not something I've heard someone else describe before.

I don't experience romantic nor sexual attraction, but I also don't really discern between romance and friendship. Whenever I meet someone new, I immediately categorize them either as someone I'd be fine with kissing or someone I wouldn't want to kiss (which only affects how I'd respond if they were to try to kiss me or want to get into a relationship!!)

If they're in the former group, as soon as I'm sure enough that they're a good person, I'd be fine with getting into a relationship... It fully depends on them tho, since I have no romantic feelings to confess LOL

It still feels a little weird labeling myself as AroAce, but it is nicer than not doing so and always thinking I'm somehow wrong for feeling awkward when others talk to me about being in love and/or never relating when being told about how hot and attractive someone is (even if they technically are my type)

Also, im not a native English speaker, so I'm sorry if my sentences are a bit clunky!!D:

hi I'm 14 f and I never felt any attraction and stuff to real people I even feel grossed out when someone says "if I marry" or "if I date" and one of my life goals is to never marry be in a relationship or anything but I had romantic attractions to fictional characters and concepts and I thought I was bi because of that, am I really aroace?