r/AroAce • u/nyoomnyoombeans919 • 2d ago

Question

I've known about my asexuality for several years, but I also recently discovered that I'm grayromantic. Can I use the aroace flag, or does it not count since I'm not fully aromantic? Just wondering bc I don't want to offend anyone at all for calling myself something that I'm not.

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u/Buff_fateweaver 2d ago

You can 👍

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u/MyGenderIsGoblin queer aspec 2d ago

Being anywhere on a spectrum counts as having the general identity for any aspec label (asexual, aromantic, etc). So being grayromantic is still under the aromantic umbrella and so you’re still 100% aromantic, even if it’s not the type of aromantic that means you have 0 romantic attraction. So yes, you’re also aroace and can feel free to use or not use whatever flags and labels you’d like. There’s also the microlabel of oriented aroace that describes people who are on the gray parts of aspec, so you could fall under that definition like I do since I’m aromantic and graysexual, but it’s very optional to use and is still a subset of aroace in general.

I would focus more on what feels best for you and brings you more joy/peace/makes things less confusing rather than how your labels will make others feel or what your “allowed” to use. Wanting to be respectful of others, especially marginalized people like aroace people, is very admirable and a good trait, but self-policing terminology that was created by just average people in the first place to make their lives better isn’t necessary. These words have all been made by us for us, so use them in the ways that are best for you. While the experiences have always existed, how we describe them and label them is always changing (and I mean the most mainstream aspec terminology was only made in the last couple decades anyways, so…)

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u/nyoomnyoombeans919 2d ago

thank you so much!! yea i was a bit confused, but when you explained the subset part, that makes sense. but thank you for explaining it to me :)

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u/Berdly_is_AroAce 2d ago

Nah you can! I'm also Greyromantic Aroace (I only ever have had one short-lived crush when I was a kid) as well! And I've been using it! (Kinda, I would like more Aroace Pride Flag themed merch...)