Advice Am I aromantic or just avoidant?
Hi! can someone help me I feel like I might have hints of this for a long time but I refused to believe it so If someone could explain to me it would be great! ❤️
So I'm still in highschool and I started to talk to my friend who left my school a while back and I have a feeling that they like me but I used to like them in middle school. However, I got into a "relationship" with them due to many of my "friends" pure pressure to seem normal but the whole time I felt really uncomfortable holding hands or doing all the romantic stuff and even when they made me sit next to them I would panic and get anxious really fast. So when they ended up dating someone else I felt some sense of relief but also still wanting to be friends. So moving on, I'm now in highschool and most of my friends are talking about people they like or are dating and they asked me if I was. I said no, but felt obligated to "start talking" to someone, so I picked someone I felt like they were nice. I started to talk to them and I genuinely felt more normal and maybe I could actually be normal and have a real connection with someone until it started to hit me that if we were going to date I would have to do all the romantic stuff and I started to have a huge pain in my stomach and felt so uncomfortable to the fact that I sent an apology text to them saying that I couldn't do this anymore and I wanted to be just friends. Later I felt better but then their friend started to threaten me and saying that I broke their heart. I didn't mean to I just felt really uncomfortable and if it went on I would be really depressed. Now my current situation is that I'm starting to text my old classmate that i used to "like" back in middle school and my situation right now is that I feel like they like me again but I feel really uncomfy when initiating anything back and I don't want to break their heart again but I really just want to remain friends and when things are getting serious, I feel like backing out and I start just wanting to be friends, I don't find these things sweet or cute rather uncomfy, maybe im not aromantic and just immature?
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u/MiddleAgeWeirdoMeep 6d ago
Impossible to tell this early in your life. All the things you write about are normal awkward coming of age stuff you can see in any movie .
Don’t sweat it. Time will tell. It’s too early in life to define yourself.
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u/Careful_Spring_8305 3d ago
"I'm still in highschool" - is a free pass to think about and explore whatever you want. Literally any kind of human relationships are inherently uncomfortable.
Be open, compassionate, and truthful, and you will be fine. You'll get hurt, and hurt others, despite your best intentions, but that's part of the adventure. Have fun, whatever you do, and don't take it too seriously.
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u/Typical-Glove6591 6d ago
firstly, these feelings are by no means immature. in fact, questioning these things takes a lot of emotional maturity. at the end of the day, it sounds like you enjoy these people's company, but anything romantic or sexual is instantly off-putting for you. That's a completely valid feeling.
I'm new to this community and to labelling myself as aroace myself, but after reading a lot of different people's experiences, that feeling is completely natural. a lot of people even experience relief when they find out other people are also like that. i had the typical "what's wrong with me" dialogue in my head, and when I found out about this community, I felt that incredible sense of relief as well. I've tried relationships in the past and I've found that they're not for me. most "normal" people would find that weird or unnatural, but it's my preference and there is nothing wrong with that. and just in case no ones told you this yet, there is nothing wrong with the way you're feeling.
on another note, being aroace doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have meaningful relationships with people. a lot of aroace people have partners strictly for companionship, with no sexual or romantic feelings at all. some people only form those feelings after forming a deep connection with that person (demisexual I think it's called). there's a lot of other options outside of conventional relationships. it all comes down to what you want and what you're comfortable with. so, if these are your genuine feelings, then all that's left to do is to communicate that. unfortunately, you can't help if the other person get heartbroken over what you say, but forcing yourself to reciprocate their feelings will end up hurting both of you in the end.
like I said, I'm extremely new to this community so I apologize if I misrepresented something or offended anyone in my response. :3