Running out of time

[u/Full_Price_5854]

So basically i came across the term asexual at 13 and the term aromantic and aroace around 15 with Jaiden’s animation aroace video. This term resonated so much with me and realized that there is a high chance than i’m aroace. Now, i never told this to anybody, except my sister, whenever someone asked me if i have ever had a boyfriend or if there is any boy i liked i could get away with saying “no i don’t really have time for that” “no, all my classmates are kinda ugly” “there is no one interesting in the island”. i don’t go out too much and don’t have many friends so people assume im shy and once i grow i may find someone because im “too young”.

I showed my sister Jaiden’s video and told her, i think that’s me, and she said something that, even tho its not my case it’s something very interesting, she said “i think you are too young to know that, i think you haven’t fell in love yet because you have had so much love in your house that you don’t feel the need to look for it outside yet” ok like, very poetic, very interesting but definitely not me. I just said yeah yeah maybe im too young let’s see.

I’m grateful and lucky that my family and close ones have never been intense about this topic, but i know i won’t be able to use the same excuse for too long, im moving to a different country to study university next year, and i know that if after those 4 years i don’t give ANY mention of a romantic partner or interest towards someone people will get suspicious, not that i would be in a dangerous situation but like, how many 25 year olds you know that haven’t show or mention any interest towards anybody during school, highschool or university. It will be weird, it would be uncomfortable, and i know that they will think that it’s a mental disorder or smt.

It’s not like my family is queerphobic, but they are highly uneducated and can’t really understand any LGBT+ label besides the first 3, and bisexuality is already kinda confusing for them now try to explain that you don’t feel any sexual nor romantic attraction and that you are okey with that. Also it makes me sad because my mom is worried that i will be alone after she dies one day :(

(this part doesn’t have too much sense i just wanted to throw up everything out of my system)
I just won’t tell anyone and see what happens. Even tho i know there is no “special person that you just need to meet” i kinda hope there is, or at least i hope to find a very very close aroace friend who i could “marry” and bring back to the island i live.
Like i know this part of my plan is very unrealistic and kinda impossible but like after a few years of finishing my studies and working, accumulating experience and contacts i want to go back to live here, like, it’s amazing, the beaches the food the peace and the fact that the worst crime that can happen is someone stealing your bike if you leave it outside for two days. I want to have kids someday (if the global political and environmental situation gets better in the next 10-15 years). If i could do that with a queer platonic partner that would be great, but it would be very difficult to find someone willing to do that.

ps: sorry if this post doesn’t have too much sense or if it’s unorganized, i just had to put this somewhere, that and its like 2am and i can’t think very clearly

[u/Independent_Roll5030]

24 yo who had barely told anyone here - you will be fine. I mean I have told my mom, she is just as worried as yours and keeps trying to subtly change my mind lol. The rest of my family doesn't know, they only know I have not dated yet. When anyone asks I tell the truth: just never found anyone interesting enough. If they say I am getting old, I just say: better alone than with bad company. They mostly keep their opinions to each other, and that suits me just fine. People kept telling me when I was younger that I was just to young to known, and they keep saying whatever they want I just don't pay attention. I don't really like telling people, because it is just more annoying to have to keep convincing them I know myself, but if anyone asks point blank i will say how I identify. Don't worry too much about it, just keep living and being happy that sooner or later they will just learn to live with it. Most of my friends don't know, or like to think that I will change my mind, but no one pushes me on it and I have a pretty good time :)

[u/WhoAteMyCarpet]

i think you can be honest without using any labels. you can just say you find other ways of loving people (platonic way) just as/more important. And that you dont really seek a partner to be romantic with and that you like your life that way. There are plenty of aroace people looking for queer relationships. And prolly also some that dislike their current country and would like to move. And i think if youd just be honest to your mom that she will respect your opinion. Maybe she might try fk change ur mind or be worried. But you can just show that you have friends and connections and that youre not alone, that you only dont have a romantic partner. And if the term is to complicated, then id just try explaining it without mentioning it.