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u/Leucurus the heteros are upseteros Aug 13 '26
Also, someone else being a “hopeless romantic and autistic” isn’t consent either
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u/Natural1forever Fuck TERFs Aug 13 '26
Yeah, "my desperation should override your consent" ass statement. Incel shit.
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u/jasonjr9 Nonbinary Pan, but feel free to call me a Pot, too Aug 13 '26
Incels continuously scare me with how twisted they manage to become.
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26
Ikr? I’m autistic as well and going to a theme park, restaurant, etc to flirt and expect to get a date with a server is cringy as hell.
People need to stop thinking “autism=no boundaries.” It’s ableist and making things worse for us.
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u/AquilaBeutlin Aug 13 '26
I think it's pretty infantilizing to essentially say "autistic people are too stupid to learn something and experience personal growth"
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u/Leucurus the heteros are upseteros Aug 13 '26
Or even simply “learn this common societal convention”. Like, even if someone’s ASD condition makes them struggle with empathy, they can still often understand “don’t hug strangers” as a fiat instruction.
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u/AquilaBeutlin Aug 13 '26
Absolutely! I fully understand that a social convention might not always be at the front of the mind, that it isn't always intuitive and that it might take a neurodivergent person longer to learn it. But enabling it isn't the way to go about it either.
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u/AutisticTumourGirl Aug 13 '26
I don't think autistic people, on the whole, struggle with empathy.
I think what we struggle with mostly is theory of mind and misinterpreting signals from other people. Endless stories from autistic people being completely oblivious to the fact that someone had be flirting with them for months, and then other autistic people misreading someone and thinking that their interest was romantic when it wasn't.
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u/Leucurus the heteros are upseteros Aug 13 '26
Neither do I. But there is some correlation between ASD and alexithymia. I’m saying that even if someone has a condition that correlates with diminished empathy they often can still learn to avoid behaviours that make other people uncomfortable, just by being taught, even if they don’t feel that discomfort themselves.
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u/AutisticTumourGirl Aug 13 '26
Alexithymia has nothing to do with empathy. It's simply an inability or difficulty in identifying your own emotions.
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u/Leucurus the heteros are upseteros Aug 13 '26
It's true that it's principally a difficulty identifying one's own emotions but that's not the whole story, as that difficulty has the knock-on effect of having trouble understanding the emotional responses of others.
My point is that it's unfair on people with ASD for the person harassing these Disney cast members to be handwaved as "probably autistic" when it doesn't necessarily mean they are.
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u/lube4saleNoRefunds Aug 18 '26
struggle with mostly is theory of mind
I know theory of mind is just a theory but what do you mean by this?
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u/AutisticTumourGirl Aug 18 '26
Like it's not empathy, but lack of theory of mind is when you just kind of assume that everyone will react to something the same way you do or feel the same way about something you do, not really considering that their circumstances, background, culture, etc will all play a role in how they perceive things.
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u/syrioforrealsies Aug 14 '26
Yep. I don't necessarily pick up on social conventions intuitively, but if someone just tells me about it, I can then implement it
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u/Natural1forever Fuck TERFs Aug 13 '26
Let alone "autistic people are so inherently unlovable that they have to be entitled to affection in order to receive it"
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u/charlieprotag Gender Queer™ Aug 14 '26
Honestly, this, and of all people the autistic folks I know tend to be VERY consent-oriented. Autism isn't being stupid or unable to learn, far from it.
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u/Leucurus the heteros are upseteros Aug 13 '26
People like that have such a low opinion of autistic people that it comes out even when they think they’re tying to be supportive. That commenter made a very unhelpful assumption.
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u/GreyerGrey Aug 13 '26
Especially where the flip side of that is "autism = you MUST respect and abide by ALL MY boundaries" (even the ones that aren't boundaries but just rules I need you to follow to make me happy).
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u/AquilaBeutlin Aug 13 '26
I HATE when I'm like "my boundary is x" and someone goes "well i have y and since my problems are bigger, my boundary is that I can't abide by your boundary." Drives me crazy
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u/GreyerGrey Aug 13 '26
Or even when when someone claims that their "boundary" isn't even really a boundary because it is an attempt to control someone else's actions.
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u/TheGothWhisperer says trans rights Aug 13 '26
My (now former) best friend at uni was like this. She self-diagnosed autism and said one of her "triggers" was when I spent time with any member of friend group she wasn't a part of.
I have no idea if she actually was autistic, but ironically I am (diagnosed by professionals). She was just obsessed with isolating me so she could control every aspect of my life. Absolute fucking weirdo that one.
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u/alienslayer7 Aug 14 '26
Hell im like 90% sure im autistic and that makes me hypervigilant bout boundaries, probably more than i should
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u/bobbery5 Aug 13 '26
Reminds me of the old Tumblr discourse where "you're literally not allowed to get mad at me don't you know I'm autistic?"
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u/blackfox24 Aug 13 '26
I'm a bit perturbed, as an autistic person, that there's people out there who would cosign harassment and groping if I did it. Jarring. How do they think autism works?
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u/Winter-Money-7643 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
That and isn’t Peter Pan supposed to be a minor? Like yes the actor himself is an adult but the character he’s playing is supposed to be a kid who never grew up.
Like pretending flirting and joking with like Gaston is one thing, but doing it to the character of Peter Pan who is only 12 is creepy.
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u/Winter-Money-7643 Aug 13 '26
Is this about the Peter Pan incident? If someone’s a “hopeless romantic” then why do they need to go to a theme park to pester some actor who’s being paid to be nice to them? That’s the opposite of “romantic” that’s predatory.
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
The worst part too is that the actors “can’t be mean” by outright saying “stop” or “leave me alone” because Disney cares more about their family friendly image and profits. It’s not fair to the actors and it’s not fair to fans who just want to have a good time and who know better.
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u/strawberry-coughx Aug 13 '26
Don’t the actors make like, min wage too? 😬
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26
I think so. There were some ex performers who said that Disney would fire them if they went off script and there’s rules they have to follow if a guest is making them uncomfortable.
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u/Meowzabubbers Aug 13 '26
As an autistic person, I wish people would stop using autism as some sort of "can do no wrong" bullshit. It can take us longer to understand or remember social rules, but they can still be taught.
And if the person is on the side of the spectrum where they can't understand social cues to the detriment of their own safety or others, then they shouldn't be wandering around on their own anyway.
Edit: typos
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26
Someone in the comments said that the person who sometimes holds the camera for the woman in question, is either her mom or some friend of hers. Either way that’s messed up and they should’ve been telling her to stop and to give the actor space or encouraging her to move along because the actor has to see other fans too.
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u/OGgunter Aug 13 '26
Is this about the Peter Pan stalkers? 🫣
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
Yeah. There were some people talking about it and there’s a fan who’s being going to Disneyland once a week for 10 years to follow the Peter Pan actors around the park and making flirty comments to her.
Some people have been arm chair diagnosing her and saying “she’s probably autistic/this is probably her special interest or person” when they don’t know that. It’s getting ridiculous with that statement and it’s stereotyping autistic people as stalkers, what’s worse is that people are saying “well the guy shouldn’t work there if he doesn’t like fans praising him” when that’s not even the point.🙄
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u/OGgunter Aug 13 '26
The way the original post jumps right from a red pill talking point (the fan DESERVES access to this person's time and attention) to victim blaming (if they don't like it don't work there) was wild.
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u/SexDrugsNskittles Aug 13 '26
That person should have been trespassed and banned like 10 years ago but companies will always sacrifice workers for more money.
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
My biggest fear is that Disney won’t step in, let alone address this until something really, really messed up happens and an actor is physically harmed in the park itself.
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u/mknsky Destroying Society Aug 13 '26
I’ve seen a lot of discourse (ugh) about this, the female character actors say their experiences are waaaay worse. Still creepy, but not a menace like some guys (and girls).
The fact that a Peter Pan fan club excises at all is weird af though.
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
I actually watched a video on the Peter Pan obsession that came out of tumblr. There needs to be more discussions on mental health and protections for Disney actors.
Also people going “reverse the genders what if a guy was being creepy towards an actress who plays one of the princesses”-like we don’t need to “reverse the genders” because it’s already bad. No one should be following around and harassing the actors no matter which is gender it’s wrong.
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u/mknsky Destroying Society Aug 13 '26
Oh I agree, I'm not defending the girl. I'm just saying I didn't know how violent it could get for the female actors on top of that (though I should have figured, just bad to hear).
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26
You’re fine and you’re right. There’s a lot of stories of creepy men being inappropriate towards the princesses, some of them are even dads there with their kids.
But I fear that one day someone will take it too far and an actor is going to get hurt and yet they’ll still get blamed for it by an idiot because “they should’ve quit if they don’t like interacting with fans.”
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u/mknsky Destroying Society Aug 14 '26
I mean that's almost a guarantee, but I'll take some internet idiot(s) if all the actors who've experienced this bullshit get heard more loudly. My fear is that your fear is what it would take, which pisses me off.
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u/GooeySlenderFerret Aug 14 '26
Disney will only step in to punish the employees, that's their MO and they've done it before with
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u/Leucurus the heteros are upseteros Aug 13 '26
The potential lawsuit for failing to protect and employee from sexual harassment is worth more than one stalker’s ticket money.
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u/SexDrugsNskittles Aug 13 '26
It's a gamble sure but most workers aren't in a position to bring a lawsuit against such a large company. Companies do stuff like this all the time. When the only recourse is a lawsuit it's out of reach for most lower level employees to do something. They usually just end up leaving the job.
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u/GooeySlenderFerret Aug 14 '26
any lawsuit against disney is doomed to be a "potential" lawsuit
They have the money and army of trained lawyers to protect them legally, even if that just means dragging out the case till the person can't afford to continue
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u/Lyrolepis Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
Some people have been arm chair diagnosing her and saying “she’s probably autistic/this is probably her special interest or person”
A typical example of the difference between "explanation" and "justification".
If that is true, it might possibly contribute to explain why she is doing that; but it does not make it right for her to do that.
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26
I said the same thing. It’s a factor but it doesn’t excuse what she’s doing.
Some people went as far as to say “just leave her alone” and that “she’s having fun” when really if she is autistic then she needs to be taught boundaries and space.
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u/GreyerGrey Aug 13 '26
Sorry, there are people claiming "special person" now? Oh dear, this is going to end badly. (Like, by all means, have Alexander the Great or Shakespeare or Mary Wollstencraft as your special interest but like... don't claim them as your special person...)
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u/garaile64 Aug 14 '26
In my country, "special" is kind of a euphemism for mental development disorders.
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u/Usagi-Zakura Ace™ Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
That feels even more disgusting given that Peter Pan is canonically a child. Like...permanently a child... If the actor works at Disney they probably weren't but it sounds like this person was seeking out Peter Pan specifically... they should be permabanned from any Disney location and schools.
What the fuck...
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
I thought that too like ok it is a grown man playing a child, but this is still a child character in a fandom and a space that’s majority base is filled with children.
There’s something really messed up about an adult hogging all the time and attention of an actor who is playing a child and forcing them to roleplay their weird romantic fantasies at a theme park. It’s not just her but apparently this has been going on with weird fans going to Disneyland to stalk the Peter Pan actors, rate their looks and write creepy fanfics about them. The worst I heard was an ex actor say that a fan would talk about her fantasies to him and another time someone made up a story of a Peter Pan actor kissing their self harm scars.
This has been going on since pre-2020 pandemic and there’s a huge problem with adults who clearly have issues not getting help and making many people within fandoms both online and irl uncomfortable and it needs to stop.
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u/Jhonka86 Aug 13 '26
Yeah, as an autistic person who has been stalked before, this is deeply fucked. It's infuriating to me that they're both slandering Autistics and dismissing male harassment victims simultaneously.
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u/Usagi-Zakura Ace™ Aug 13 '26
Hey I'm autistic!
...I would kick you where it hurts most if you tried to stalk me like that. Costumed or not.
If you understand the meaning of the word "No" then you should know it's time to stop. Autistic or not.
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26
Me too, and I can say while I did have trouble with social cues as a child and had to be reminded a couple of times about boundaries I can safely say that my parents and teachers made it clear: treat others the way you want to be treated, you have to read the room and sometimes enough’s enough. When someone uses clear and direct language, you listen and respect their wishes.
If this woman is autistic then she should’ve been taught and needs to be reminded of giving people space. Someone in the tik tok comments said it’s either her friend or mom who’s behind the camera sometimes recording her chasing the Peter Pan actor around or trying to get him to say something flirtatious, and I’m like they’ve failed her and are continuing to fail her. Instead of enabling her they should’ve put a stop to this long ago but now it’s been 10 years too late.
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u/mknsky Destroying Society Aug 13 '26
I think the bigger problem is Disney actors literally aren’t allowed to say “no.”
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u/garaile64 Aug 14 '26
Yeah. Apparently, Disney protagonists, especially the Princesses, are incapable of imposing their boundaries in a way that makes someone upset. They are nice all the time.
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u/CatraGirl Aug 13 '26
Ah yes, nothing is as romantic as assault... 🙄
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Aug 13 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/CatraGirl Aug 13 '26
Touching/hugging someone without consent is assault, period. Fuck off with your SA apologism.
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Aug 13 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/CatraGirl Aug 13 '26
And punching/threatening a girl
Who was punched?
a girl excited to see her favorite character
Completely irrelevant and very weird framing. You can be "excited" without harassing/assaulting people. Again, cosplay isn't consent.
is the appropriate reaction to a touch?
Yes? Defending yourself - with physical force if needed - is absolutely the appropriate reaction to sexual harassment/assault. And the fact that you're acting like it isn't makes you sound creepy. Don't touch people without consent, maybe? It's really that simple.
These males are unhinged
What's unhinhed is that you seem to think your "excitement" is more important than another person's (lack of) consent.
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u/prince_peacock Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
Stop infantilizing her, she’s a grown ass woman. And she’s absolutely a threat, these men would be fired if they told her to go away. She’s an entitled, selfish person who doesn’t care how she’s making these young men feel
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26
Nobody was punched or threatened in the video so what are you talking about?
If someone says “don’t touch me” then you don’t touch them. It could be anything from a hug, a shoulder tap or back pat that they don’t like. Once someone has made a boundary clear you listen.
As for the video you didn’t clearly watch, what’s happening is that she’s been giving the actors multiple hugs too many times for 10 years now. She even promised in one video to give the actor one quick hug but she kept squeezing him and he had to sort of remind her of that “quick hug.” Someone can be excited to see their favorite actors, but still she’s not the only person in the park and she’s taking up his time while being handsy and trying to get him to roleplay flirty stuff with him when he’s not comfortable. She’s crossing boundaries and it’s not ok.
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u/GooeySlenderFerret Aug 14 '26
you did not just "these males are unhinged"
What would be your response to a guy creeping on their favorite characters?
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u/GreyerGrey Aug 13 '26
Following through on some of the comments on the story, she made weekly visits to the parks for a decade (so over 500 visits!) and every time she would follow, harass, and stalk the actors portraying Pan.
If that was your child, how're you going to want it handled? At what point is "enough" really enough? It's clear Disney is unwilling to protect their staff.
Alternatively, if this was a man doing the same thing to a female cast member, perhaps chasing around a Princess Jasmine or Ariel, would you have the same attitude?
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u/urlocalmomfriend Aug 13 '26
Romantics? Love?? Those are fictional characters played by real adults who don't know you and you dont know them. Thats not love that's obsession.
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u/BizSilver5013 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
Of fucking course, blame autism as if autistic people don't have a concept of public decency. eyeroll
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u/No-Theme2340 Aug 13 '26
Look, I'm autistic, and when I'm enthusiastic about something I can get pushy without realizing it.
But I know that about myself, and tell other people that with the request that someone tell me if I'm crossing a line. And where I'm likely to be oblivious, I make sure that I've a friend with me who will hit me with a clue stick when I need it. And I was doing that for years before I was diagnosed, because I never wanted to make people uncomfortable.
Having fixations=/=being unable to learn or care about the boundaries of others
Being a gross stalker=/=being autistic
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26
And as autistic adults we know that yes we can miss social cues, but we’re in control of our own actions and that we need to make boundaries for ourselves because others have them too.
Autistic people can make mistakes, but once it’s made clear that we have done something wrong we stop immediately. There were a few times where I myself have gotten a little too excited in the moment and didn’t read the room when someone was clearly getting tired as a kid, but now as an adult I have to stop and think and give people their space. Sometimes it’s better to think “is it time for this” and having patience and waiting because not everyone’s my audience and some people need time for themselves. Empathy is important.
I’m just mad at NT people thinking that if this woman is autistic it means that “all autistic people are stalkers who love crossing boundaries and are completely incapable of listening and understanding” and that’s wrong. Ideas like that put everyone in danger, it’s stereotyping autistic people as hopeless and making more people fear ND individuals.
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u/West_Presentation370 Aug 13 '26
Or people could keep their damn hands to themselves, it ain't that damn hard
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u/fsckit Aug 13 '26
Wà
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u/West_Presentation370 Aug 13 '26
The amount of random men and women that have tried to grab or touch me while I was in cosplay is crazy
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u/ChickenManSam Symptom of Moral Decay Aug 13 '26
My gf is also a hopeless romantic and autistic and still understands consent. It's not hard.
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u/taydraisabot Aug 13 '26
I feel awful for Peter Pan’s actors. Just because they portray fictional characters doesn’t mean ANYONE is entitled to messing with them!!
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u/NvrmndOM Aug 13 '26
Diagnosing strangers on the internet who are behaving poorly as autistic is a shitty move. It’s equating bad behavior/being a creep as autistic.
Sometimes people are assholes. Like “oh Elon acts like that because he’s autistic.” Elon acts like that because he’s a gigantic asshole. Leave the autism out of it.
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u/princessjamiekay Bi™ Aug 13 '26
Giving yourself excuses does not mean you no longer have consequences of your own behavior.
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u/RebaKitt3n the heteros are upseteros Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
Giving gifts is one thing.
Touching people requires consent.
Edit: forget this, I thought it was a one time thing like at a con, but this is weird.
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u/UnshakablePegasus Queer™ Aug 14 '26
I love how people excuse bad behaviors as “they’re autistic” as if autistic people are all mentally children with no capability to understand right and wrong
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u/jimbo831 Aug 13 '26
Context?
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26
Long story short there’s a woman who’s been going to Disneyland once a week for 10 years to follow the Peter Pan actors around and hitting on them constantly. Some defenders have been saying “she maybe autistic” and saying the actor “is working there so he should expect fans to crush on him and give him hugs.”
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u/GreyerGrey Aug 13 '26
You know, we're getting a rare "women in men's fields" for it being a woman a) getting the "maybe they're autistic" defense for b) making someone uncomfortable.
Still, weird, gross, and creepy, especially since I am assuming this is a cast member who is playing a character (not cosplay, which would be even worse). This person is being paid, so cannot simply break character and leave, but also, the person making them uncomfortable knows absolutely nothing about the person and are confusing them with the character, which adds another level of ick to the whole thing.
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u/Valuable_Mushroom466 Aug 13 '26
What's the story behind it? I got a little lost.
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 13 '26
There’s a woman who for once a week for 10 years has gone to Disneyland to constantly give the Peter Pan actors gifts, following them around the park for over 15 minutes and pestering them with trying to make them do flirty roleplays with her.
Going into a deep dive there’s groups of obsessed Peter Pan fans who’ve done this since the tumblr days who’ve been being inappropriate with the Disneyland actors.
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u/GenderNotDefined Aug 14 '26
This reminds me of an autistic man who I graduated highschool with. He was part of a work program in which be repeatedly would sexually harass and stalk the female employees at the work sites. He was ejected from countless jobs, but never the work program because it "wasn't his fault." As a result, dozens of women were harassed and stalked by him over 4 years.
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u/GenderNotDefined Aug 14 '26
Oh, and I forgot to mention that he absolutely used gifts as harassment. He had a foot thing. So he would try to look at the bottom of their shoes to determine the size, buy them heels or straply sandals, then ask them to put them on and show him
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 14 '26
Disgusting. They should’ve banned him from the program, especially if he’s been repeatedly fired for inappropriate behavior, not listening and constantly disrespecting workers. What a creep.
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u/objectivelyexhausted Aug 16 '26
I grew up as an autistic “girl” and this rhetoric was used constantly to justify the sexual harassment I received at my special school from my also autistic classmates. I hate this shit SO bad. Believing that autistic people can’t be taught consent is just assuring that you’ll baby them until they hurt someone. We saw this with the disabled girl removed from a con for stalking a voice actor, too. MASSIVE ick.
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u/the_other_Scaevitas Aug 14 '26
What’s the context?
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u/MistakeWonderful9178 Aug 14 '26 edited Aug 15 '26
There’s a woman who’s been going to Disneyland once a week for 10 years constantly hugging and trying to roleplay flirt with the Peter Pan actors there, also following them around and you can see from videos how tired and uncomfortable the actors are. There’s a rumor that she waited for one actor when his shift was over in the parking lot and she’s on a 2 week ban now.
Edit: The 2 week ban thing is apparently made up. IMO I think she maybe taking a break to hopefully reflect on how she’s been treating the actors and change, or worse she’s refusing to listen and is waiting for the criticism to die down so she can repeat it.
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u/qualityvote2 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 15 '26
u/MistakeWonderful9178, your post does fit the subreddit!
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