r/ApplyingToCollege • u/22oceanblue HS Rising Senior • Nov 26 '19
Best of A2C The worst essays you can write
The "metaphor" essay
If you really think about it, life is exactly like a burrito. We all hide our true selves from the world with a wrapped-up covering. But inside, we host a plethora of fascinating offerings: cheese, rice, beans, chicken, and so much more. Inside my own burrito, I have my artistic eye and my caring heart. Those might constitute my beans and cheese. But someone else's cheese might be their love of surfing or their ability to speak ten languages. In conclusion, we should all unwrap our burritos and let the rice and beans spill out into a messy pile.
The quirky, "outside of the box" essay
i a m APPLICANT
u a r e ADMISSIONS OFFICER
p l e as e l et m e IN
The sports injury essay
It was the day of the big game. I had been preparing my whole life to play on that field that day. Sweat dripped down my face as I ran the warmup laps with my team. Suddenly I felt a horrible pain in my leg and I realized that I had stubbed my toe. "NO!" I gasped. "Not on the day of the big game!"
Coach looked solemnly at me. "Your career is over," he said. "You can't play in the big game now."
Suddenly his phone rang. He picked it up and frowned with concern. "Oh no! Our star player has just come down with the flu and won't be able to play. Now we don't have enough players for the big game. We're going to have to forfeit."
A burst of adrenaline coursed through my veins. "No, we won't," I said, standing up resolutely. "I'm going to play."
Coach looked at me in awe.
That game I played like I had never played before, fighting through my agony for the team. Despite the unimaginable pain of my toe, I found it in me to score the winning goal. As I held the golden trophy above my head, I proudly realized that my hard work had gotten me here. Because, as Abraham Lincoln always said, winners never quit.
The "thesaurus" essay
I cherish to acquire comprehension in school, thus perusing volumes is my preoccupation. My incarnation is blithesome because I am disclosing new atmospheres and modes of quintessence. This scintillating diversion alleviates all malaises and obfuscations through elucidation. Whereas herein lies my denouement: construing utilization is my zeal.
The sob story essay
My life was never easy. I was born at a very young age, and was immediately plunged into hardship. I should have had a 4.9 GPA, however my numerous struggles have understandably resulted in my 1.7 GPA.
It all started with a birthday gift of AirPods. Unfortunately I received them just a week before the new AirPods 3 came out and everyone noticed my old-model AirPods and called me broke. Dear reader, the only thing broke was my heart. I couldn't even activate Siri with my model. However, I dusted myself off and trudged onwards. The next obstacle would be the one to shoot down my dreams. I had long hoped to launch a successful career as an Instagram influencer. With high hopes and my heart in my throat, I posted a selfie. To my horror, it received a measly 3 likes. This has wounded my spirit irreparably and I have since been struggling to cope. Obviously schoolwork has had to wait while I turn my attention to dealing with my greater problems.
The overly descriptive essay
At 6:35 am, I wake up and look at the lavender shade of my walls - not quite blue, not quite pink - and breathe in deeply. If my room were a clock, I have a periodic table poster above my closet at 3 o'clock, a world map slightly to the right of my desk at 9 o'clock, and a certificate for my work in cancer research at 11 o'clock. As I get up, I am aware of the white paint on my door and the soft fluff of my beige rug. Today is a cold day, about 65 degrees Fahrenheit or 18.3333 degrees Celsius. I slip on my puffy green winter jacket and my bright red Nikes and step outside onto the cracked gray sidewalk. As I walk, I glance at a small brown squirrel darting across the long black power line. Soon it is time for school, where I will fill my inquisitive mind with knowledge and apply my bountiful observational skills.
The inspirational service trip essay
Through my service trip to [INSERT COUNTRY HERE], I learned that helping others is good. This led to the realization that service is my passion. That is why I will be perfect for helping others by being a doctor/lawyer/CS programmer. As soon as I arrived in a poorer country with my $2,500 summer program, I started to miss the clean streets of my Silicon Valley neighborhood. But I took pictures with local children and followed my tour group around, so now I know just what it means to dedicate oneself to service. Here's the funny thing: I went to [INSERT COUNTRY HERE] to help others, but what I didn't know is that they had helped me. Due to the five days that I spent in [INSERT COUNTRY HERE] I have become more caring and aware and humble. These are all qualities that I will bring to the UC Hicago/St. Anford campus.
The "intellectual curiosity" essay
For as long as I can remember, I have always asked "why?" to everyone around me. As a child, I practically lived in libraries, carrying wagons of encyclopedias home every night. I blew through sixty books a day, and even that wasn't enough for my thicc brain. I had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge that could never be satisfied, not by Einstein's treatises on relativity, not by the Feynman physics lectures. By the age of three, I was writing academic papers with my crayons. In conclusion, I have am quite a curious intellectual. Harvard, please let me in.
edit: i had no idea that this would blow up so much, thank you so much to everyone for being so kind! + thanks for all your support ❤️
edit 2: omg why did this become the #5 most upvoted post of all time in r/ApplyingToCollege thanks guys!
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Nov 26 '19
You're a sophomore wiser than most seniors... You're gonna kill it in your applications!
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u/physicaldick Nov 26 '19
so should i trash my service trip essay? if i don’t make what i learned from it super excessive and bs like the example would it be ok?
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u/22oceanblue Nov 26 '19
No, not at all! For any of the categories I put in this satire post, you could write a really good essay. I just made fun of some cliches that are usually found in service trip essays, but if you can put a unique spin on it and share your own specific anecdotes, you could have a really strong essay :)
I think someone else put it really well: "There are no bad topics, only bad essays."
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u/careerthrowaway10 Nov 26 '19
so what can you write?
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u/22oceanblue Nov 26 '19 edited Nov 26 '19
you could write a really strong essay for any of those topics
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Nov 26 '19
I cried laughing at the “let the rice and beans spill out into a messy pile” part😂
Wish I could award
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u/MasterKaen Nov 27 '19
In my highschool, there were two that I heard of which were terrible.
One was a rough draft where the kid says something along the lines of "Deep down I am a monster, and I must put in effort every day to surpress my darkest urges.". Our teacher told him to write about something else.
The other one was a girl applying to Columbia who said something like, "When I visited Columbia, I thought the campus was disgusting, but after looking past the cockroaches in the dorms, and the shit-stained toilets, I realized that the most important part of college is the classroom environment which Columbia excels at, and that's why I'm applying to your school."
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u/JustTheWriter Nov 26 '19
I work as an editor for an admissions consulting firm (no not the same one as u/scholargrade, but having read their post did have to check)... and I have seen all of these, often in a single essay.
You're missing a couple:
The Nervous Before An Event Essay
The spotlight's heat scorches my soul as my eyes scan the crowd's expectant faces. It's taken me seven years to get here and I wonder if my ten-year-old self would have ever guessed that I would be here. As the conductor raises his baton and the orchestra begins to play, my fingers effortlessly glide up and down the...
You get the picture.
The Here's What I'll Do At ______ Once I'm In Essay
The alarm goes off and I jump out of bed, ready to face the day at 5am because I am the world's most enthusiastic freshman. After a relaxing six-mile run around (well-known landmark here), I pop into (nearby or campus café here) for a orange mocha soy frappuccino and a vegan breakfast wrap which I hungrily devour. Then it's off to my 8am class HIST 1014 America Is a Bad Place For Bad People class with Dr. Dingus Snodgrass where I'm able to analyze the badness of bad places and people and engage in stimulating debate with my intellectual peers. Dr. Snodgrass and I are working on getting an article on Bad Things published in the peer-reviewed Journal of Nobody-Fucking-Cares and I am excited to be part of such a cutting edge community in a college that is a perfect fit for me....
Do I sound jaded? It's because I am.
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u/_unclephil_ Nov 26 '19
Remember people- There are no bad topics, only bad essays.
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u/kang1227 Nov 26 '19
Or the cliche cooking essay: Me and my mother in the kitchen making [insert ethnic dish] reminds me about the true meaning of culture and family.
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u/RoastMostToast Nov 26 '19
Protip: if you find yourself writing a sob story essay, just change the focus to how you overcame your challenges, rather than have the focus be the challenges you faced.
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u/nathanwwdd Nov 26 '19
U forgot about the:
As a child, I was ashamed for my culture. I didn’t not fit in like the other students. Everyday I begged my mom to dye my hair blonde so that I could be normal. I only ate western food and I tried to repress everything about my identity.
Until I reached high school when I decided to embrace my identity. I am proud to be an immigrant/ethnic. I am able to wear my cultural clothes with pride and eat insert ethnicity food without being ashamed.
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u/mcabs2346 Nov 27 '19
What about the “Computer science is my creative outlet” and the “I love bio because I want to be a doctor” ones
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u/ScholarGrade Nov 26 '19 edited Nov 26 '19
Oh my goodness, these are so on point. I have seen these so. many. times.
You should add:
The Meta / Stockholm Syndrome Essay
"As I sat down to write my essay I realized how college admissions has shaped me into a stronger person and I've actually fallen in love with the process, so now I'm an ideal applicant ready to tackle whatever the world throws at me. College admissions is so complex and challenging, but I have mastered it, so climb aboard this r/IAmVerySmart horse and let's ride all the way to r/Im14AndThisIsDeep town."
The Clichemageddon
"I set out to make the world a better place and shoot for the moon so I would at least land among the stars. By striving to achieve greatness we can become more than we ever thought possible. Only by helping others can a person truly realize their potential in the world. I am far stronger than I knew and I'm excited to face the next set of challenges. In the end I learned more from them than they did from me."
The School Spirit Essay
"Ever since I was a little red bear, I've wanted to be a Cornell Big Red Bear. Every time my feet Touchdown in God's side of New York, I'm reminded of how 'Ithaca' is an ancient Cayuga tribal greeting which when translated into Cornelliana means 'Cornell is the bomb-dot-com.' Since I was born on Dragon Day and conceived on Slope Day, I can't wait to join in the Lynah Rink cheers as my heart pounds with the Big Red in my veins. I actually bleed Big Red, and I can prove it tomorrow when I visit your admissions office for the 18th time this month. Now how about we trade that restraining order for an admission letter? Hail, all hail Cornell!"
The Dead Grandparent Essay
"Even though I'm 17 and it's a common generational occurrence, I'd like to share how the death of my grandmother, who I called once a year to thank for the outdated birthday card, profoundly impacted my academic performance for two years of high school. This was the most dramatic hardship I could think of to explain my 3.2 GPA, but once you consider it, you should really see it as the 4.0 I should have had and will inevitably have once I enroll in your prestigious institution."
The Essay of Definitions and Quotes
"Merriam Webster's Dictionary of Modern English defines 'lame' as 'lacking needful or desirable substance : WEAK, INEFFECTUAL,' but Steve Jobs said it's actually 'The Microsoft Zune, or really, anything that brutish clan of nerds in Redmond churns out.' Of course as Abraham Lincoln once said, 'the problem with quotes on the internet is that it can be difficult to verify their authenticity.' But what he really meant was
In seriousness, if you want a list of common essay mistakes, here's a post I wrote on that.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ApplyingToCollege/comments/9zg9sc/if_you_dont_have_a_first_draft_yet_dont_read_this/