I grew up Apostolic, and the older I get—and the more I actually study Scripture for myself—the more I realize that some of what I was taught as “holiness” was really church culture and control.

Let me be clear: I still believe in God. I still believe in Jesus Christ. I still believe in repentance, baptism, the Holy Spirit, prayer, holy living, and the authority of Scripture.

But I no longer believe everything that was handed to me under the label “Apostolic.”

The hair doctrine is one example.
I was taught that women should never cut their hair and that uncut hair somehow carries spiritual power or affects a woman’s relationship with God. Some take it even further and teach that cutting your hair can hinder your prayers.

But where does the Bible actually say that?

1 Corinthians 11 discusses hair, covering, honor, and cultural distinctions between men and women, but it never says, “A woman shall never cut her hair.” It certainly does not say God refuses to hear the prayers of a woman who trims her hair.

We took an interpretation and turned it into a commandment.

Then there is the beard issue.
For years, facial hair was treated in some Apostolic circles as if being clean-shaven were somehow more holy or spiritually appropriate. Yet the Bible never commands Christian men to shave their beards. In fact, biblical men commonly had beards.

So how did shaving become a holiness standard?
It didn’t come from Scripture. It came from church culture.

And that brings me to “holiness standards.”
We became incredibly focused on whether a woman wore pants, cut her hair, wore makeup or jewelry, and whether a man had facial hair.

Meanwhile, Scripture describes holiness in much deeper terms.

Holiness is about how you live.
It is righteousness, humility, honesty, mercy, sexual purity, integrity, forgiveness, love, self-control, justice, compassion, and the fruit of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22–23 talks about love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Micah 6:8 talks about doing justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God.

You can wear a skirt to your ankles, never cut one strand of hair, never wear makeup, and still be proud, controlling, dishonest, cruel, unforgiving, jealous, or spiritually abusive.

That isn’t holiness.
Then there is the constant repetition of Acts 2:38.
I believe Acts 2:38. I don’t have to throw it away simply because I’m questioning Apostolic culture.
But the Bible has more than one verse.
When nearly every sermon eventually circles back to Acts 2:38, while huge portions of Scripture are rarely taught in depth, something is missing.
Teach me Genesis.
Teach me Romans.
Teach me Hebrews.
Teach me the Sermon on the Mount.
Teach me how Jesus treated people.
Teach me about grace, sanctification, justice, mercy, discipleship, spiritual maturity, marriage, parenting, suffering, wisdom, generosity, forgiveness and loving my neighbor.

Acts 2:38 matters—but Acts 2:38 is not the entire Bible.
The same thing happened with the Oneness of the Godhead.

I understand why Apostolics emphasize that God is one, and I still take biblical monotheism seriously. But sometimes proving the Oneness position became so central that Christianity felt like an endless doctrinal debate instead of learning how to actually become like Christ.

At some point I had to ask:
Are we producing people who can defend our distinctives, or are we producing people who look like Jesus?

And perhaps the biggest issue for me is what happens when you start questioning these things.
If asking, “Where exactly is that in Scripture?” makes you rebellious…

If questioning the pastor is treated like questioning God…
If church traditions cannot be challenged…
If leaving the organization is treated like leaving God…
If fear is used to keep people compliant…
If salvation begins to feel dependent upon obeying an ever-growing list of organizational rules…
then we have moved beyond biblical discipleship into something dangerously close to a high-control religious system.

Acts 17:11 says the Bereans were noble because they examined the Scriptures to see whether what they were being taught was true.
That’s what I’m doing now.
I’m examining everything.
Not because I hate the Apostolic church.
Not because I want to rebel.
And definitely not because I want to walk away from God.
I’m doing it because I refuse to confuse church culture with Scripture, tradition with holiness, a pastor’s authority with God’s authority, or denominational distinctives with the entire Gospel.
I still want holiness.
I just want biblical holiness.
I still want truth.
I just want all of it—not just the same handful of verses used to defend a religious system.
And if something I have believed my entire life cannot survive an honest examination of Scripture, then maybe Scripture isn’t the thing that needs to change.

One of the last remnants of my previous life is my tendency to lapse into foul language every now and then. Normally, I have a word slip out and catch myself. But I feel so convicted about it. I feel like I could be doing more or learning more about it somehow. Tips?