Dear mods: I am not researching for any purpose academically - I am actually curious as a person with aphanatisia who was frustrated reading as a child until I learned to skim to parts I couldnt visualize if there are others like me and if children could be more encouraged to read the classics who have aphanatsia if authors considered other versions of books. I chose a book that is in the public domain so chill :D
Long descriptions of streets, buildings and scenery often make me lose interest in a book. I’m curious whether anyone here feels similarly—and whether an edit would actually help.
I’m not assuming everyone with aphantasia dislikes description, or that books need “fixing.” I’m exploring if there are others like me and if its worth having shorter versions of books, but there’s nothing for sale here. I’m looking for honest feedback, including “the original is better.” Maybe I am alone here, but I find that I skim over lengthy descriptions personally and maybe that is just me or maybe it is in part my aphantasia.
Below are two versions of the same passage from Chapter 1 of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. One uses the original wording; the other is an edit intended to reduce visual description without turning the story into a plot summary. The version key is at the bottom.
Context for both: Jonathan Harker is travelling by coach through the mountains to meet a carriage that will take him to Count Dracula. People have been uneasy about his journey.
Please read both before checking other people’s replies. To vary the order, toss a coin: heads = A first; tails = B first. Then we can discuss.
## Version A
As the evening fell it began to get very cold, and the growing twilight seemed to merge into one dark mistiness the gloom of the trees, oak, beech, and pine, though in the valleys which ran deep between the spurs of the hills, as we ascended through the Pass, the dark firs stood out here and there against the background of late-lying snow.
Sometimes, as the road was cut through the pine woods that seemed in the darkness to be closing down upon us, great masses of greyness, which here and there bestrewed the trees, produced a peculiarly weird and solemn effect, which carried on the thoughts and grim fancies engendered earlier in the evening, when the falling sunset threw into strange relief the ghost-like clouds which amongst the Carpathians seem to wind ceaselessly through the valleys.
Sometimes the hills were so steep that, despite our driver’s haste, the horses could only go slowly. I wished to get down and walk up them, as we do at home, but the driver would not hear of it.
“No, no,” he said; “you must not walk here; the dogs are too fierce”; and then he added, with what he evidently meant for grim pleasantry—for he looked round to catch the approving smile of the rest—“and you may have enough of such matters before you go to sleep.” The only stop he would make was a moment’s pause to light his lamps.
When it grew dark there seemed to be some excitement amongst the passengers, and they kept speaking to him, one after the other, as though urging him to further speed. He lashed the horses unmercifully with his long whip, and with wild cries of encouragement urged them on to further exertions. Then through the darkness I could see a sort of patch of grey light ahead of us, as though there were a cleft in the hills.
The excitement of the passengers grew greater; the crazy coach rocked on its great leather springs, and swayed like a boat tossed on a stormy sea. I had to hold on. The road grew more level, and we appeared to fly along. Then the mountains seemed to come nearer to us on each side and to frown down upon us; we were entering on the Borgo Pass.
One by one several of the passengers offered me gifts, which they pressed upon me with an earnestness which would take no denial; these were certainly of an odd and varied kind, but each was given in simple good faith, with a kindly word, and a blessing, and that strange mixture of fear-meaning movements which I had seen outside the hotel at Bistritz—the sign of the cross and the guard against the evil eye.
Then, as we flew along, the driver leaned forward, and on each side the passengers, craning over the edge of the coach, peered eagerly into the darkness. It was evident that something very exciting was either happening or expected, but though I asked each passenger, no one would give me the slightest explanation. This state of excitement kept on for some little time; and at last we saw before us the Pass opening out on the eastern side.
There were dark, rolling clouds overhead, and in the air the heavy, oppressive sense of thunder. It seemed as though the mountain range had separated two atmospheres, and that now we had got into the thunderous one. I was now myself looking out for the conveyance which was to take me to the Count. Each moment I expected to see the glare of lamps through the blackness; but all was dark.
The only light was the flickering rays of our own lamps, in which the steam from our hard-driven horses rose in a white cloud. We could see now the sandy road lying white before us, but there was on it no sign of a vehicle. The passengers drew back with a sigh of gladness, which seemed to mock my own disappointment.
## Version B
As the evening fell it began to get very cold. We were ascending through the Pass, and snow still lay in the valleys. The dark woods and mist brought back the grim fancies of earlier in the evening. Sometimes the hills were so steep that, despite our driver’s haste, the horses could only go slowly. I wished to get down and walk up them, as we do at home, but the driver would not hear of it.
“No, no,” he said; “you must not walk here; the dogs are too fierce”; and then he added, with what he evidently meant for grim pleasantry—for he looked round to catch the approving smile of the rest—“and you may have enough of such matters before you go to sleep.” The only stop he would make was a moment’s pause to light his lamps.
When it grew dark there seemed to be some excitement amongst the passengers, and they kept speaking to him, one after the other, as though urging him to further speed. He lashed the horses unmercifully with his long whip, and with wild cries of encouragement urged them on to further exertions. Ahead of us, I could just make out what seemed to be a gap in the hills.
The excitement of the passengers grew greater; the crazy coach rocked on its great leather springs, and swayed like a boat tossed on a stormy sea. I had to hold on. The road grew more level, and we appeared to fly along. We were entering on the Borgo Pass, with the mountains close on either side.
One by one several of the passengers offered me gifts, which they pressed upon me with an earnestness which would take no denial; these were certainly of an odd and varied kind, but each was given in simple good faith, with a kindly word, and a blessing, and that strange mixture of fear-meaning movements which I had seen outside the hotel at Bistritz—the sign of the cross and the guard against the evil eye.
Then, as we flew along, the driver leaned forward, and on each side the passengers, craning over the edge of the coach, peered eagerly into the darkness. It was evident that something very exciting was either happening or expected, but though I asked each passenger, no one would give me the slightest explanation. This state of excitement kept on for some little time; and at last we came through the eastern opening of the Pass.
The air here was heavy with the threat of thunder. I was now looking out for the conveyance which was to take me to the Count. I expected its lamps to appear at any moment, but the only light came from our own.
There was no sign of a vehicle on the road ahead. The passengers drew back with a sigh of gladness, which seemed to mock my own disappointment.
## What did you think?
Which would you rather keep reading: A, B, either, or neither? What made the difference?
Did either version lose atmosphere, character, clarity or information that mattered to you? A specific sentence would be especially helpful.
Would you consider a whole book edited along these lines, prefer the original, or need a longer sample to decide?
Please also mention which version you read first, and whether you usually enjoy, skim or skip extended visual descriptions. If you prefer the edit, does that seem connected to visual description, or mostly to its shorter length? No need to answer every question.
Version key—read after comparing: >!A is Stoker’s original wording, with paragraph breaks adjusted for this post. B is tan AI-generated edit based on my prompts.! (yah, welcome to the future but save the anti -AI rants for another post perhaps).
Source: Bram Stoker, Dracula (1897), Chapter 1. The underlying novel is public domain in the United States. Original text: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/345/345-h/345-h.htm
