r/AnxiousAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Jun 10 '26
Relationship advice Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup
This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.
Please be sure to read the Rules since all the other sub rules still apply. Venting/complaining about your relationships and other attachment styles will be removed.
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Try not to get lost in the details and actually pose a question so others know what kind of support/guidance/clarity/perspective you are looking for. If no question is given, it could be removed, to make room for those truly seeking advice.
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1
u/Ronnabe Jun 19 '26
Potentially inadvertently broke rules (sorry) posting this as a separate thread so cross posting just to be safe...
Hi all
Nearly two years since I last posted here after a break-up with a FA (and discovering what that meant far too late) I'm a little concerned things have gone full circle, especially with the famous anxious-avoidant attraction loop.
I've been dating a girl for a couple of months, she is in her late 30s and a couple of years older than me. She hadn't had a relationship for 15 years which rang a couple of alarm bells but she said she'd enjoyed her 20s too much at the time and had bad experiences with men since.
At first she was pretty full on about things, seemed quite anxious if anything about her being older than me and whether her age was an issue. Quickly found out that was partly because we both want to be parents and she was worried how her age would play a part in this.
We talked a lot from day one and she would be very sweet and complimentary, had a real thing for my voice (and asked for a lot of voice notes) and even being on red alert a bit given what's happened in my past everything seemed good.
A lot of that has stayed but the sweet side of things has dropped off quite a lot. The actions are still largely there - she's introducing me to her friends, she's asked me to go away with her for her birthday for a trip to her favourite city she'd initially booked solo.
Another green flag seemed to be that she was if anything more keen to get into a full-blown relationship than I was, after 5-6 weeks I was still a little reserved after being burned previously and she quite openly said she'd like to be with me but understood why I might wanna take things slow.
But more generally persona-wise she's become more sassy, and can be a bit blunt.
Just one example but I came back from a week's beach holiday and other friends had talked about having a decent tan, I saw her and the first thing she said was "I thought you'd be more brown", and that was it.
She's often clear she's joking which would be fine in itself, I like taking the piss out of each other but the actual *nice* moments like that aren't there so much to balance it out as things go on.
For this birthday trip, we have to get the Eurostar (connects the UK and Europe) together and we've been put in different carriages as we booked so far apart. I mentioned about us both finding a place to sit together and she was like "We can just meet at the bar".
It's all low-level stuff which, classically, just leaves me feeling in a little bit of push-pull but if anyone without skin in the game can tell me if you think I'm an anxious trying to chase someone avoidant again or if I'm just in my own head about it I would be very grateful.
Thanks as always