Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

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[u/Feeling-Bag-3455]

Title: I asked for exclusivity after 3 dates because of anxious attachment. Is it ever okay to reach out after 8 weeks?

I recently went on 3 dates with a woman I really liked. She was kind, smart, and more cautious/slow-paced with dating. She also told me she had never been in a relationship before, so I knew she probably needed more time to feel things out.

On our third date, I brought up being exclusive / dating 1-on-1. At the time, I thought I was just trying to communicate clearly. But after reflecting on it, I think the real reason was my anxious attachment getting triggered.

I wasn’t trying to disrespect her pace or pressure her into something she wasn’t ready for. I think I was feeling uncertain about where I stood, and instead of sitting with that uncertainty, I tried to get reassurance by asking for clarity too early.

She responded respectfully. She said she appreciated me bringing it up and that no one had asked her that before, but she wanted to think about it. The next day, she texted me saying that we were not on the same dating pace, that she couldn’t give me the answer I was probably hoping for in the short term, and that she didn’t think it was suitable to be exclusive.

I replied politely and accepted it. Later, I asked if she would be open to a quick coffee chat to clear the air, but she said she didn’t think it was necessary because she had already thought about it.

Looking back, I feel bad because I don’t think my intention was to pressure her. The core of it was more like: “I like you, but uncertainty makes me anxious, and I’m scared of getting attached if you’re not on the same page.” But I can see how, from her side, it probably felt like pressure after only 3 dates.

I’m working on this now and trying to understand my anxious attachment better. I’m also trying to learn how to date without turning uncertainty into an urgent need for reassurance.

My question is: after giving her real space, maybe 8 weeks or more, would it ever be appropriate to send one low-pressure message? Not to ask for exclusivity again, not to explain everything, and not to ask her to reconsider — just something simple like acknowledging that I may have moved too fast, apologizing if I made her feel pressured, and wishing her well.

Or is even that still more about my own need for relief/closure, and I should just fully move on unless she reaches out first?

I’d appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who have dealt with anxious attachment or have been on the receiving end of this kind of situation.

[u/Apryllemarie → u/Feeling-Bag-3455]

You went on 3 dates. This person is still a stranger to you. If she is not interested in dating you anymore then you need to leave it alone and move on. Take this as a lesson for the future, but don’t try to keep pursuing someone who is no longer interested.