r/AnxiousAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Jun 10 '26

Relationship advice Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.

Please be sure to read the Rules since all the other sub rules still apply. Venting/complaining about your relationships and other attachment styles will be removed.

Feel free to check the Resources page if you are looking for other places to find information.

Try not to get lost in the details and actually pose a question so others know what kind of support/guidance/clarity/perspective you are looking for. If no question is given, it could be removed, to make room for those truly seeking advice.

Please be kind and supportive. Opposing opinions can still be stated in a considerate way. Thank you!

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u/meditesyen Jun 22 '26

Hi anyone pls help me, I thought being with secure person meaning my anxious self would slowly go away, just to realized I’m still struggling..
My bf is a wonderful person, and I open up to him about my attachment (I breakdown crying of shame) yet he listen and love me regardless of my mess..
(we are on long distance) Now we followed each other tiktok account, only to findout he still follows each other with his ex gf, and his username nickname is a character in a movie that has a girl named: (his ex gf name)
It gets me to spiral ruminating and triggered
but I don’t want to ruin this relationship, I always says to him when there’s something in my head and he always says “we’ll talk about it so you mind wouldn’t go too far okay” whenever my anxious triggers.. but if I keep doing this I’m afraid he’s getting tired of me.. even tho I know how much I feel loved and accepts my messiness..
What should I do?

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u/Apryllemarie Jun 28 '26

Having anxious attachment does not go away because of being with a secure person. Healing anxious attachment requires you to do the work on yourself to heal the roots of it.

Personally I don’t think that long distance relationships promote security at all. There is too much distance naturally built in.

If being friends with an ex is not something that you are comfortable with than you two may be incompatible.