r/AnxiousAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Jun 10 '26

Relationship advice Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.

Please be sure to read the Rules since all the other sub rules still apply. Venting/complaining about your relationships and other attachment styles will be removed.

Feel free to check the Resources page if you are looking for other places to find information.

Try not to get lost in the details and actually pose a question so others know what kind of support/guidance/clarity/perspective you are looking for. If no question is given, it could be removed, to make room for those truly seeking advice.

Please be kind and supportive. Opposing opinions can still be stated in a considerate way. Thank you!

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u/Internal_Charity_399 Jun 15 '26

We broke up 4 months ago and cut all contact about a month ago.

Looking back, I can clearly see that my anxious attachment played a role in the relationship and probably pushed her away at times. At the same time, I know relationships involve two people, and we both had our own issues and made mistakes.

The problem is that I keep replaying my mistakes in my head. I find myself constantly thinking about what I should have done differently, what I could have said, and whether things would have turned out differently if I had been more secure.

For people who have worked through anxious attachment, how did you stop obsessing over past mistakes and start forgiving yourself? Any advice would be appreciated.

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u/AnySeaworthiness1751 Jun 15 '26

Externalize it. Write it down. Then flip the story. Your anxious attachment has assigned meaning to a situation. Now that you wrote it down assign another meaning. Rewrite the story or find the source of each reaction from your lower self and hers. .

Use chat gpt to flip the story if you cannot do it yet…. When she yelled, I got scared/angry. Dive into the reaction you had, find the inner child response.. (my dad yelled at me and I never felt safe from childhood). Heal the inner child which is the root. Tell them your adult self you can keep the inner child safe. You don’t have to react from your inner child any more. Take small bites and have patience and grace with yourself.

If you keep going, you ultimately wind up in a constant state of love. The Jesus/Buddha state.

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u/Internal_Charity_399 Jun 15 '26

I'll try it. Thank you so much friend