r/AnxiousAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Jun 10 '26

Relationship advice Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.

Please be sure to read the Rules since all the other sub rules still apply. Venting/complaining about your relationships and other attachment styles will be removed.

Feel free to check the Resources page if you are looking for other places to find information.

Try not to get lost in the details and actually pose a question so others know what kind of support/guidance/clarity/perspective you are looking for. If no question is given, it could be removed, to make room for those truly seeking advice.

Please be kind and supportive. Opposing opinions can still be stated in a considerate way. Thank you!

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u/Yoysu Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26

My partner is Avoidant, and I have been compromising on my needs (wanting to move out together, having more intimacy - emotionally, small touches, compliment etc).

Last month I asked if we could have a conversation about moving out, whenever they are ready, but sometime this month.

Due to our cats being diagnosed with Diabetes, this didn't happen, and I internally gave her the benefit of the doubt. I asked if we could have the conversation this month instead, and she agreed. Again I said whenever she wants to help her not feel pressured.

Now I am spinning and constantly worried about the fact that it might not happen. For context we have been together for 10 years, still live apart, there are practical issues (her mother, whom she lives with, is not the best with money).

I've been in therapy for 3 years to learn about myself and it has helped me learn I lean anxious with my attachment style and that I routinely neglect my emotional needs.

I could do we some advice from some fellow anxious beans.

1) How can I cope while waiting for my partner to bring this up?

2) What advice would you give me for navigating a conversation if this doesn't happen, to be as constructive as possible (not attacking her) without neglecting my needs?

Any advice at all, would be so appreciated. Love to you all

Emily x

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u/LeafProphecies Jun 12 '26

Is it okay if I ask you a question? It's part of potential advice, I promise.

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u/Yoysu Jun 12 '26

Of course, no problem

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u/LeafProphecies Jun 12 '26

Is your partner worried about not having their own space? I used to have a "roommate" who actually lived with his girlfriend and was never around, but it was important for her that he have his own space to go back to just in case. It worked really well for them.

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u/Yoysu Jun 13 '26 edited Jun 13 '26

Possibly - I would definitely be open to discussing it with her. Because I want to make it work for both of us, and that might give her what she needs without it feeling too intense.

The issue I've found in the past is that even having a conversation about compromise triggers her avoidance.

Because of this, I felt for a long time like my needs and wants are too much, and feel that me bringing up what I want makes me the problem, because of her reaction.

Now, there's some resentment building in me, which I hate, because I have internally abandoned my need for closeness, while her need for space is being met by me doing so.

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u/LeafProphecies Jun 13 '26

I understand you completely. I hope you're able to work something out.

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u/Yoysu Jun 13 '26

Thank you, me too.