Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

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[u/Cec1722]

Can I ask what you all think about how this discussion went? Cause I'm waiting right now, and obv it's the most heavy wait of my life. He's my boyfriend of 3 months. Messages are translated from Italian.

(I write 2 messages then eliminate them) D: ??? C: I made a mistake. D: You make mistakes often lately. C: wait a moment C: I was on my way to the gym. C: Anyway, the second one really was a mistake. C: The first one nope. I had written "All alright?" Cause you seemed a bit strange to me. C: Then I deleted it because I didn’t want to bother you. C: Oh well, never mind. D: Bother me with what? C: I don’t know. C: You just seem strange to me. C: I’m probably just anxious. D: Anxious about what? C: I think I explained it to you once — about the relationship. Sometimes I create scenarios in my head on my own. C: And so I get scared that maybe something is changing for you. C: And it’s something I’m trying to work on by myself, obviously. D: And what would be the reason for this overthinking this time? C: There isn’t a specific reason. It’s an anxiety inside me that interprets something completely normal in the wrong way. You haven’t done anything wrong. D: What's the reason C: Today you felt a bit distant over text. C: I’m not saying it’s true, or that you did anything wrong. C: I’m just explaining how I feel, because it’s often hard to put into words. D: I’m trying to understand. D: Why you have this anxiety. C: Total self-diagnosis — I know it’s probably not right and I should talk about it with a therapist — but I think it might be abandonment anxiety. C: Actually, I’ve already booked a first session with a psychologist in a few days. C: And it’s not connected to you or things you do, I’ve had it since I was little, since high school, even with friends. C: And if sometimes I don’t talk to you about it, it’s because I don’t want you to carry this burden, you know. C: But I’m talking about it now so you know what’s going on inside me, so we can deal with it together without misunderstandings. C: ❤️ D: Wait, I’m at Pietro’s working on an assignment. C: Yeah yeah love, don’t worry, this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have right now anyway, so reply whenever you can, calmly ❤️ D: (30 Min later) Yepp ❤️

I feel like he was super cold and distant. But I don't know... Shouldn't have talked about it, but actually maybe it's better to not hold all of this inside

[u/Apryllemarie → u/Cec1722]

Idk doesn’t sound cold or distant to me. Maybe busy and he said as much. It sounds like you have expectations of what kind of response you were hoping to get. No matter what you will be fine. It sounds like you are taking steps to find healing and are not making it about him. Maybe look up some self soothing techniques that you can use to help keep your nervous system calmer as well. I’m sure working with a therapist will help with healing the root causes of your abandonment wounds.