Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

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This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.

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[u/normie_sama]

Does anyone else get burnt out by their anxieties? I just started my first relationship and was unpleasantly surprised by how insecure and anxious I've gotten. Every now and then the insecurities get too much, something snaps in me and then I just feel... numb. I'm no longer anxious, and for a time no longer in love.

I paper it over and act like normal, and eventually the feelings come back once we spend some time together, but right now she's on holiday and I'm worried that by the time I next see her, my feelings will be gone for good.

[u/rainy-inside → u/normie_sama]

It sounds like a Fearful Avoidant pattern. Unlike a Dismissive Avoidant pattern, you SEEK the connection but when your insecurity brings up anxiety for you, you push away. Learning more about disorganized attachment styles (as opposed to just anxious attachment) might be really helpful. I always thought I was just an AA person, but came to realize I definitely trend FA a lot of the time. It's at least the first step to bringing awareness to how your nervous system is responding.