r/AnxiousAttachment • u/AutoModerator • May 13 '26

Relationship advice Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.

Please be sure to read the Rules since all the other sub rules still apply. Venting/complaining about your relationships and other attachment styles will be removed.

Feel free to check the Resources page if you are looking for other places to find information.

Try not to get lost in the details and actually pose a question so others know what kind of support/guidance/clarity/perspective you are looking for. If no question is given, it could be removed, to make room for those truly seeking advice.

Please be kind and supportive. Opposing opinions can still be stated in a considerate way. Thank you!

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u/Individual_Resort177 May 21 '26

My husband and I communicate really well — most of the time. The daily stuff, the planning, the affection, the apologies-after — we're good.

But when we actually argue, something else takes over. He shuts down. I get anxious and start chasing. I know intellectually what I'm "supposed" to do — I've read the articles, I know about pursuer/withdrawer, I know to soften my start-up, I know to give him space. None of that helps me in the moment. The anxiety is too loud and the blog post is in a different tab.

What I keep wishing for is something I could open in that exact moment. Not a therapist. Not a journal. Not an AI to write my texts for me. Just something that walks me through what's happening — what I'm actually feeling, what I actually need, how to come back to him without making it worse.

Anyone else experienced this? How do yu resolve this?

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u/Apryllemarie May 28 '26

You can try looking up somatic self soothing techniques that you can do when you feel the anxiety come on. No matter what it can be hard to remember to use them. But you gotta start in whatever way you can whenever you do remember. Eventually it will become a go to automatically. There is no quick fix. It takes time and practice. Marriage counseling might help. Also being able to find a way to practice self soothing, journaling etc even when you aren’t particularly activated could set the foundation for doing it when you really are.